A Soft Place To Fall
by WalkingCodex
Summary: This is a F!Mage!Hawke/Fenris that I started a long time ago, when Inquisition was a twinkle in our eye. I remembered it recently, reread and edited the first chapter and thought it worthy of finishing. This will be AU, but mostly follow the game timeline. TEMPORARY HIATUS: CONCUSSION REVEALED A LONG HIDDEN CASE OF ROCKY MOUNTAIN SPOTTED FEVER. LONG HIATUS. SORRY.
1. The Tale of Ser Fenris

The Tale of Ser Fenris

This is a f!MageHawke/Fenris fic that I started a long time ago but being stumped on my Inquisitor/Solas story for the moment made me revisit playing DAII and finish this first chapter. If you can get past the schmaltz in the first chapter I think it will be an interesting story with an unexplored angle to it. Definite goal planned for this one, though the rest of the chapters probably won't be this long. So I'll run two against my better judgment and try very hard to NOT start the other two I have planned. It's been a craptastic week.

This is yet another explanation for what the heck happened after Fenris left F!Hawke's bedside. I can't imagine he went back to adventuring with her without SOMETHING being said other than that blurb in Legacy if you bring him along after that and all the comments from the companions about them being a couple in late act 2. And please, F!Hawke - bold as brass usually (and mine a mage of 'questionable wit') - is just going to sit there stunned and let virtually nothing be said for three years? Pffft. Story will of course go wildly AU after this and will stay dialogue heavy.

1\. The Tale of Ser Fenris

"Forgive me."

He was leaving. He was actually leaving. Marian wasn't entirely sure exactly how this had happened, considering she'd just woken up. How was a girl supposed to have a Very Important Conversation in a post-coital nap fog? Especially when what she really wanted to do was be all coital again. All things considered, she was grateful he hadn't just bolted while she was asleep. Something in her gut told her that if she let him walk out that door right now, he would not only leave her, but leave Kirkwall and she would never see him again. That she could not bear.

"Fenris, wait."

He stopped, but did not turn. His head was hanging so low she was pretty sure his chin would be bloody from banging on the pointy bit at the top of his chest piece.

"Please. Wait. There is nothing to forgive unless you actually walk out that door right now, but there are things I need to say. Give me a minute, please." Self conscious for perhaps the first time in her life, she stood and reached for her robe, shivering slightly at the silky chill of the fabric moving to cover her warm skin.

He turned slowly, hang dog, facing-a-firing-squad reluctant to look. "You're angry."

She shook her head. "No. ... Yes. ... No. ... Not at you. Maybe at me." She ran her hand vigorously through the short, choppy strands of her black hair. It wasn't enough. She fisted it in both hands and pulled enough to sting a bit. She growled in aching frustration, all too aware of how critical the next few words she spoke were going to be to any future she might have with this man, romantic or not. Fenris looked up at her and seemed a tad alarmed at her shenanigans. "Definitely at me."

If anything, Fenris slumped even more dejectedly at her words. "You have done nothing wrong. It is I who..."

"No." She held up a hand. "It's my turn. And you've done nothing wrong, so please stop looking like someone kicked your puppy or I'll start crying because I can't stand to see you hurting and my eyes will get red and my face blotchy and my nose will run and nobody wants that." She walked past him casually to her dresser where she poured a basinful of water from the pitcher waiting there. With a slight wave of her hand and a whispered word, she spelled the water ice cold, just above freezing.

Out of the corner of her eye, she was gratified to see that Fenris didn't so much as twitch an eyebrow out of place at her use of magic. So far removed from the first time they'd camped overnight on the Wounded Coast. He'd fallen backwards off the log he'd been sitting on when she'd made the fire pit he was next to burst into flames. Her profound apologies had fallen on deaf ears and he'd spent the night as far away from her and the campfire as possible. It had taken both threats from him and bribes from her and the better part of two months for the others to stop teasing him about it.

She lowered her face to just above the basin, dipped her hands in and splashed the water once, twice, three times over her face. She only did her 'girly-squeak' the first time. Hawke studiously ignored Fenris coughing into his hand, presumably to cover an involuntary chuckle. Maker, she hated mornings. And mornings hated her right back. She dried her face with the hand towel sitting in its place next to the basin, took a deep breath, let it out and turned to face him.

Fenris raised his eyes, just his eyes, to look at her as she turned, but lowered them again quickly rather than meet her gaze. His posture hadn't changed much but she did note a tension that, to her, indicated he seemed resigned to his conversational fate and no longer ready to bolt out the door. Odd how men were the same Thedas over, no matter their age, race or experience with women. Tell them you need to talk and they would rather have the hairs pulled off their testicles one by one.

"Relax, Fenris." She walked slowly until she stopped in front of him and slowly raised an arm until she hooked a finger underneath his chin, lifting it gently. His eyes darted to hers and then flashed away like leaves blown off the trees in a gale. He drew in a quick breath and seemed to hold on to it forever.

"Don't look down, love. Stare at the wall, stare at my chin if you don't want to meet my eyes. Maker, stare at my breasts," his breath finally huffed out in a half chuckle/half snort at that, "but not the floor. Please don't hide from me."

Fenris flinched, almost imperceptibly. "When I was a slave, making eye contact was forbidden. Looking at the floor was demanded and I was well trained. Conditioned. Even now, doing so is easier. Safer." He sounded bitter, full of self-loathing.

Hawke slid her hand to cup his cheek briefly, stealing a stroke of the tender skin by the corner of his eye with her thumb before she took her hand back to herself, the warmth of him lingering. "You did that a lot when we first met, with everyone. Did you know that now you seem to do this only with me and only since we've become closer friends? That within our group, even with strangers, you are confident and convicted-often outspoken- in your beliefs and opinions on the rare occasions when you share them? Anders has even complained that you give him a "belligerent stare" every time you argue with him."

Fenris raised his head further, looked her in the eye. He spoke slowly. "I was not aware."

Hawke smiled gently at him. "It's a good thing. A very good thing. Yet you seem to be the only person unaware of how far you've come in so short a time. Come, sit by the fire. I have something for you. And remember: breasts good, floor bad."

Fenris managed a smirk and a quirked eyebrow at the same time. "You... want me to stare at your breasts?" His face fell. "Even after tonight?"

"Well, it would have to make a nice change from staring at my hindquarters, since I always take point when we're out doing what we do."

"Watching you walk is... not unpleasant."

Hawke rolled her eyes. "Flatterer. But I didn't virtually threaten you with a flying body tackle a minute ago just to make you feel worse than you already do. So sit." She pointed to her favorite comfy chair. Fenris removed his sword and took his seat at the edge of the armchair by the fire. If he held himself any stiffer, a good push on his shoulder would break him in two.

Hawke went to her armoire (and admitted to herself that she threw in an extra little hip wiggle on the way) and took out a small wooden box wrapped with a bright red ribbon. She felt her gut clench itself in knots just as she clenched the box in her hands. _Maker, please don't let him take this the wrong way._ _Please don't let me be making a colossal mistake._ She walked back to stand by the fireplace in front of Fenris, unconsciously mimicking the stance he'd been in when she'd waked.

She straightened her shoulders, took a deep breath, and let it out in a rush. All of which prompted Fenris to wrinkle his forehead in concern and, if it were possible, become even more tense. Hawke would laugh if she wasn't so worried about what was going to happen in the next few minutes.

"You know, Fenris, together you and I are four different people."

He blinked in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"

"We are each a separate individual in this, our personal friendship or relationship or whatever it becomes. But we are also separate individual members of a team." Hawke paused, and sighed. "A team where I'm somehow the leader. And I am particularly aware of how difficult things could be for the two us-es that are teammates if things go horribly wrong for the two us-es that are ... more than teammates. Have I made any sense?"

"None whatsoever."

Hawke started to pace in frustration. She resisted the urge to look at Fenris and see if he was watching her breasts or not. "So, the two Hawkes have different ways of relating to the two yous, Fenris and Warrior-Fenris, if you will. Marian, the Hawke who is your friend, wants your lo... companionship and your time. She teaches you to read because you have a brilliant mind and deserve to have that world of knowledge, fiction and the enjoyment of reading laid at your feet, even though it means Varric and Isabela now corner you and make you read their dreck. Marian is the person who delights in watching Fenris's face light up when you win a round of Wicked Grace or eat something for the first time that you find delicious. She's who you try to teach Arcanum and Tevine and the Qun to even though her mind isn't nearly as bright as yours and she knows it.

"The other Hawke takes Warrior-Fenris on all her missions because she knows you are strong and incredibly skilled and that you have her back. She bites her tongue rather than laugh at your sardonic comments because the leader is supposed to remain impartial. Hawke knows that she can trust you not to sell her out to the templars, as tempting or as lucrative as that might be, because she knows you are as loyal to that Hawke as her mabari, though she doesn't always deserve it. Even though Hawke is a mage. Hawke's favorite thing to do is to fight slavers by Warrior-Fenris's side, so Marian can watch, elated, as Fenris learns to ENJOY his freedom as much as you both treasure it. Right now I want to talk to you as Hawke, the leader of your team." Hawke stopped pacing in front of Fenris's chair and waited, expectantly, for him to say something.

A smile, that very small (so small it's a '1/4' and not a '1/2') smile, was on his face. "I believe I understand. Are you aware that you are monologue-ing? "

Hawke laughed, grateful for anything to ease her tension. "Yes, well, if you were waiting for an opportunity to kill me, a second story window is placed for your convenience along the outside wall." His return laughter helped her relax just a bit more. Maybe this would turn out alright after all.

"You recently reminded me that it has been more than three years since you came to Kirkwall. That three years is longer than you've stayed anywhere. And I remembered a conversation that Marian had with Fenris during the very early days of their friendship, about how Fenris thought it might be nice to stay somewhere long enough to put down roots. And Hawke realized that you had, or she hoped you had. Put down roots, I mean." She gestured with the box in her arms, to call his attention to it.

"This is meant to commemorate the fact that you are a part of something, that you belong here. With us. Your friends. On our team, in our family, where we have your back as you have ours. On my team, where I would lay down my life for yours as you would for mine. I've had this for a while now, first because I couldn't figure out how to give it to you and second because I realized after I had it made that you might think it signified ownership rather than membership. I'm giving it to you now because... because Marian is afraid you are about to leave Kirkwall and never come back. Hawke doesn't want that to happen without you realizing how important you are to her, to our circle of friends." With a half chuckle, half sob, she forced out the words, "Well, maybe not to Anders, but to the rest of us." Throat aching with tears she refused to shed, she held the package out to him and waited.

Fenris took the gift from her with a look she couldn't read to save her life. He held it in both hands while it rested on his lap. After a moment made heavy with silence and utter stillness, he lifted one hand and traced the curves of the bow formed by red satin ribbon to hold the box closed. "I... appreciate the gesture." He took hold of the end of the ribbon and pulled, carefully untying the bow in a manner painfully reminiscent of the way he'd untied her robe earlier.

Lifting the lid, he removed the miniature shield from its box with an audible indrawn breath. For a moment, he just stared at it, while she stared at him. Fenris gently traced the stylized wings of the hawk and after a lifetime he looked up and met her eyes, his expression inscrutable. "This is your family crest, Hawke."

"And you are part of my family." Her eyes filled with tears (damn it) as his face softened, his expression equal parts longing and regret. Marian spoke again, her voice husky. "Look at the top of it. I wanted this to be a useful gift, one that wouldn't be likely to be taken from you if, Maker forbid, you were ever captured."

Fenris rotated the crest in his hands until he found what she wanted him to find. The crest, which was designed to be worn on his belt, was rather thick. Given the quality of the wood and the craftsmanship involved in the making of the stylized design, he'd found the thickness odd until he located the hidden features. He pulled a small and extremely sharp stiletto out of one side of the top of the crest, a garrote out of the center and a simple set of lock picks out of the other side.

Fenris smiled up at her and she could breathe again. "Beautifully made and yet practical as ever, I see. You are aware that I do not know how to use these." He gestured to the lock picks.

Marian smiled and wiped the corner of her eye under the guise of sweeping her hair back, but she was fairly certain Fenris wasn't fooled. "Varric has been waiting for three weeks for me to work up the nerve to give this to you and he's a little too eager to teach you how to use them. The foolish dwarf thinks he'll get to stay behind more if you prove to be as quick a study as he thinks you will."

Fenris returned her smile. "Then I shall endeavor to appear fumble fingered." He carefully replaced the secret items in their hidden places and then stared at the shield. After a moment, his smile faded and he sighed. He returned the crest to its box and set it on the floor next to his sword. "At the risk of worsening this sudden identity crisis of ours, may I speak with Marian now?"

Hawke wrapped her arms around her middle protectively. "Um, that depends."

Fenris looked puzzled. "On?"

"Can Marian monologue?"

The look he gave her could only be described as fondly, gently exasperated. "If she must."

She pointed at him with a shaky finger. "And... and you're going to have to ignore it when she cries. Because I know you're hurting but she is, too, and women cry when they get emotional. Even Aveline." And there they were. The tears started rolling before she'd even made her joke about the stoic guard captain.

Fenris leaned forward, as much as he could in his breastplate, and hid his face in his hands. "No. Please, Hawke. Marian. Don't. I can't..." He dropped his hands to his knees and began to stand. "I must go."

Marian stepped closer and dropped to her knees in front of the chair. Her proximity forced Fenris back to his seat, to avoid touching her. She focused her gaze on the tops of his feet, wiping her face and then sitting back on her heels after watching Fenris's foot jerk when a drop landed on it.

"Listen. Just listen and then you can leave and we never have to talk about this again unless you want. It'll be your choice, I promise, but I have to say this." She gently and carefully put her hand on his knee, heart clenching when he pulled away. Marian's tears fell faster and she stopped trying to wipe them away. She looked up and took her own advice, staring at his chin when she couldn't face the anguish in his gaze.

"I'm sorry, Fenris. I'm so sorry. We moved too fast tonight but that's my fault, not yours. Knowing how traumatic dealing with Hadriana was for you, how much turmoil you were in... I was overwhelmed by what I was feeling, but that's no excuse. I... it was selfish of me and unfair to you. You told me that you can't remember having had romantic relationships or even just sexual encounters. The way you react to accidental touches, to receiving help when you are hurt... I am afraid, so afraid, that you have altogether too much experience with the involuntary kind. And if I am right about that, if you have been ... conditioned to ... do things you don't want to do, then I have done you the worst sort of disservice tonight.

"You and I have danced around each other for years now, flirting, teasing. But tonight was our first kiss, our first touch. And for both our sakes, that kiss probably should have stopped there for now even if my suspicions are incorrect. And I say that after having waited more than two whole years for it. Maker, we haven't even held hands yet and that's supposed to come first." The hand she'd left next to his leg twitched in what must be an unconscious invitation to do just that.

"You are... not wrong. About my history."

The moan she let loose at those words could have come from a wounded animal and yet if there had been any ambient noise in the room, he would never have heard it. The tears started a double time forced march down her face. Marian covered her mouth with one hand, bowed her head and closed her eyes, unable to look at Fenris anywhere at all, from his toes to his nose.

Something pulled the words out of him reluctantly; a desire to comfort and reassure that was completely foreign to him. "I have never known touch for comfort or pleasure, only for pain. For punishment. Or for someone else's pleasure." Lifting his right hand was harder than trying to use his two handed sword one handed without activating his markings. But he managed to gently touch the wrist of the hand covering her mouth, startling her into looking up at him. "Please believe me when I say there was nothing I have ever wanted more than to be with you tonight. No matter what happens between us in the future, I will cherish having made love with you for the rest of my life."

"Then why?" Marian gave an anguished whisper and rested her head on his knee. He could feel her tears soak into the leather.

Giving comfort came more easily this time. He stroked his right hand gently across her head, his voice as anguished as hers. "I looked through a window tonight that I never expected to be opened, everything I had ever wanted to know about my history laid bare before me. And when that window closed again, gone were all the answers to all the questions I have about my life before these markings. Part of me wants to try again, as you have generously offered. But the larger part of me is... is scared that if it doesn't happen, or happens and is lost again, something in my mind, something in my soul will break and I will not recover. You know me well enough to understand what I do when I am truly afraid."

Marian sighed. "You run."

"I do. And while I will run tonight, I promise I will not run far or be gone long. I need to feel the wind blow by me, expanding the breath in my lungs, straining them until I can barely breathe from the exertion." He felt her relax against his legs. "And both of me will miss both of you until I return."

That drew a giggle from Marian and she sat up, rather inelegantly wiping her face on her robe sleeve and drawing an eye roll from Fenris for it. "You are worth waiting for, Fenris. Never doubt that."

He shook his head. "I make no promise that I will ever be able to offer anything but friendship to you, Marian. You deserve so much more than that, but your friendship is a feast the likes of which I have never known; I will ever remain a beggar at that table."

Marian gave him a somber look. "My friendship you will always have regardless, though you give as much to me as I could possibly have given to you. But I realized what I wanted long ago and I will wait-on your terms, without pushing- for you to give me everything you are until you tell me to stop. And mean it."

He slipped off his gauntlets and reached for the box with the crest in it. Fenris managed to avoid looking at Marian at all by the simple expedient of undoing the strap on his belt made to attach pouches and other such things, and threading the crest on to it. "That is a conversation I don't know that I could ever have. Having hurt you unintentionally is tearing me apart. Doing so deliberately... I doubt I could find the words." Crest attached, he fingered the red satin ribbon thoughtfully, before looking up at her. Thoughts were obviously running through his head, hopeful and nervous and hesitant thoughts.

Marian cocked her head at him. "What?"

"Have you had occasion to learn of the Orlesian tradition of grand tournaments, where knights battle to be the winner?"

"Some, but not much. It wasn't really something the little villages we grew up around held." Marian smiled at him.

Fenris took a deep breath and began, sounding as much like a professor as he could manage. "They vary in size and distinction of course, but the idea is that knights compete in the 'knightly arts', sometimes for a purse of coins or a piece of land. Sometimes that prize included the hand of the daughter of the landholder, something that generally happened only when there was no son to inherit. Regardless of the purpose of the tournament, the ladies present would bestow upon their chosen knight a favor to show the crowd who she hoped would win. He could refuse or remove it later to signify a rejection and she could demand the return of it, also to signify the end of the relationship if ever there had been one. The practice of Courtly Love is as complicated as any blood magic ritual I have been forced to sit through."

He looked at her and smiled, then looked by down at the red silk he was smoothing unconsciously with a thumb. His voice lowered to the point it was almost a whisper. "A favor could be anything from a scarf to tie on a lance, to a handkerchief for tucking into the collar. Or even a ribbon, wrapped around the dominant wrist. All for luck. But the giving of it is always the lady's choice." He stopped fingering the red silk ribbon, but did not put it down.

There was a hopeful, pregnant pause in the room while Marian processed what he'd said and realized that he WANTED her to bestow the favor upon him, but was afraid to suggest it. The smile on her face was only half the size she wanted it to be as she stood. "Put your gauntlets back on." She whispered and he complied with a shaky hand. She could tell this held much meaning for him and neither of them may understand why.

Marian knew that ordinarily the knight would kneel before the lady, but she would never ask Fenris to kneel before her. Never. And so she stopped him from sliding out of the chair to do so by the simple expedient of sitting in his lap. He was startled and tense, but relaxed when all she did was take his right hand in hers. He even scooted them all the way back into the chair to keep her from being in danger of falling.

She searched her brain for every romantic novel her sister and mother had ever read and then told her about in excruciating detail. She thanked her father again for drilling her memory until she could look back and recall those times, though she was sure he never anticipated this sort of need for the skill.

She looked at him, but his gazed was focused on her hands cradling his with the red ribbon lying in its palm. "Good Ser Knight."

He looked up at her words, directly in her eyes. "My Lady, I fear I am not worthy of your kind words. But what would you have of me?"

For a moment she was speechless with the pleasure of being able to look at him so directly. "Nonsense, Ser Knight. I have observed your actions and your skills for some time and have judged you to be the most worthy and noble chevalier I have had the privilege to meet. I find myself in need of a Champion."

Fenris's eyes were soft with pleasure at the game she played. "A Champion, my Lady? Who would dare impugn the character of a woman of such great kindness, unsurpassed beauty and legendary skill on the field of battle?"

She sighed. "Alas, good Ser Fenris, I am beset by villainy. Surrounded on all sides by ruffians who would see me fall, by night and by day. I have good friends at my side, admittedly. But I need a Champion to watch my back, one whose skill with a blade surpasses all others. One whom I trust implicitly. One who will know I am not a fragile flower, despite my admittedly unsurpassed and delicate beauty. One who will appreciate the sway of my hips."

Fenris chuckled, unable to help himself. "And known throughout the kingdom for her modesty."

Marian mock glared at him. "Shush you." She returned to her role. "Yes, my feminine charms have been lauded throughout the land, my favor sought and denied many times. Therefore it is a great honor I bestow upon you, good and humble Ser Fenris. Despite the inherent dangers involved, the times I will push your kind nature beyond endurance and knowing in advance that you will not ever be able to simply throw me over your shoulder, carry me home and lock me in? Wilst thou accept my favor and be my Champion?"

Fenris bowed his head and lifted his right arm at a convenient height for her to wrap the ribbon around. "I am unworthy of such praise, my Lady, though I would never deny the honor you do me with your request. Wearing your favor, knowing all that it signifies, is something I shall be proud of and honored by every day until such time as you may request it back from me."

She began wrapping the fortunately long silk ribbon about his wrist, crisscrossed each time so it would not slip at a bad moment. As she was tying the knot and sliding it under a layer of the wrapping, she smiled. "Fear not, Ser Knight. That day shall never come. Unless you really do throw me over your shoulder and lock me inside my house. There. It is done, my Champion." Without thought, she lifted his arm and pressed her lips to the palm of his hand.

But Fenris did not tense up. He surprised her when she looked up by taking her face gently in his hands, kissing her once on the forehead and once on the lips, with restrained passion. He then lifted her until she was deep in the chair with her legs over the arm, her head and shoulders resting on him. "Rest, my Lady. I shall guard your sleep till daylight and then I shall take my leave."

Marian snuggled in a bit and rested her arm on top of the one he had wrapped around her waist. "I understand, my Champion. It would please me if you would see Bodhan in the kitchen on your way out and request provisions for yourself for however long you feel you need them."

Fenris spoke in a lazy, contented voice she had never heard before. "You do realize that carrying along a heavy pack makes it impossible to feel the wind in my hair as I run as fast as I am able?"

Marian smiled against his breastplate. "At least you'll still feel your lungs burning from carrying it."

He stroked her hair with his free hand. "Rest, Marian."

A quiet, relaxed moment passed between them, when just as Marian was about to drift off, Fenris shifted a bit. She 'hmmmed?' at him sleepily.

"I just thought of something you said earlier. That you had been waiting for this to happen for more than two years. But we've known each other for more than three." His voice was quiet but puzzled.

She spoke without thinking, drifting away to sleep as she was. "At first I thought you were gorgeous but a bit of an ass. You kinda grew on me." Being able to feel his chuckle rumble through his chest and hear it at the same time was sublime. It was all she needed to send her to sleep.

When she woke, she was in her bed, under the covers. And he was gone. But she believed him. He would be back.


	2. Run, Run Like The Wind To Be Free Again

2

Words, words, words. Ye gods, my chapters are either full of dialogue or have almost none whatsoever. Drives me crazy. I never understood how Anders could be such a jackass through this whole game after Awakening. So I'm pretending he was kind and understanding to everyone the first year at least.

2.

Run, Run Like The Wind To Be Free Again

Well practiced in the art of leaving a town without drawing suspicion from the guards, Fenris waited to leave Hawke's home until the sun had risen high enough in the sky that the Hightown servants were making their way around to the bakeries for fresh bread and people were scurrying back and forth to work. He left by the servant's entrance, which he noticed had not been used by anyone in some time. That area of the house was too clean, the landscaping too perfect, to have seen use for anything other than gardening and dusting.

The city guard all knew him. He could have left the city gates at any time, even with the rucksack of food he carried, and received nothing more from them than a nod of greeting. They KNEW of him, though didn't necessarily LIKE him. But he told himself it was safer to wait so he didn't have to admit that he stayed because of how much he enjoyed having Marian asleep in his lap. It wasn't the press of her bottom on his thighs, or the view straight down her robe of her naked breasts as she lay against his chest.

No, it was the way his breath lifted her short hair slightly each time he exhaled. The way her own soft breathing had warmed the leather of his breastplate against him. How when he rubbed her hip and thigh carefully with the palm of his right hand so he could watch his favor change appearance back and forth in the shifting light, she sighed in contentment and snuggled closer. It was the trust she had that he would not let her fall, would not drop her.

Fenris had no experience with the feelings he was having, no way to define them or understand what they meant. He could not explain the sudden need he had felt for Marian to bestow a favor upon him. He'd looked in her eyes, at her expression, during their little 'ceremony' and seen the joy there, the tenderness and acceptance for him and for him alone. He knew without being told that her seating herself in his lap, knowing it would feel too intimate to him, was because she could not stand the thought of him kneeling before her, abasing himself even if only for the sake of play between them. She who knew him and his history better than anyone and still considered him her equal. Marian had understood the need he could not put words to himself and permitted him a tangible sign of his commitment to her.

For he had committed to her tonight and they both knew it. Committed to be there in some way for her always. That he had promised without words to continue the struggle to understand himself, to smooth off some of the rougher edges of his intolerances and learn to move past them. His fears, the fears that nightly wrapped him in nightmares or kept him from sleep altogether, he would work on managing them better. To improve himself to the point that he was worthy to be her Champion in truth, to be strong enough to speak the words she would need to hear rather than return the ribbon or have her ask for it back. Even though Fenris knew Marian loved him and accepted him as he was this minute, he at least knew that she deserved so much better. He would not give her less.

When he decided he could wait no longer if he was going to actually leave, Fenris carefully rose from the chair with Marian in his arms and tensed when she immediately opened her sleepy eyes. "It is time, my Lady." She nodded and permitted him to carry her back to the bed. He lay her gently down in the tangled mess they had made together and did his best to straighten the covers and tuck her in them while not disturbing her too much.

When he had taken as much time as he reasonably could making her comfortable, he bent down and kissed her goodbye. "I will return, my Lady."

Marian reached up and cradled the side of his face in her hand. "Safe journeys, my Champion. May you find what you so urgently seek."

Fenris hesitated at the door, looking back at what he was leaving behind. Second guessing and kicking himself in the buttocks at the same time? No, not at all. He sighed and closed the door behind him.

Fenris chose to head west towards Orlais. It was a direction for him, not a goal. It would allow him to follow the path of the Wounded Coast for as far and as long as he felt the need to run. There would be shelter and a ready supply of non-fish game on the off chance that an army suddenly appeared and consumed the enormous amount of food Bodhan had sent with him. It was late summer; the nights would be pleasant. And if they weren't, shelter would be easy to find.

So he set off in that direction, knowing through long practice he would leave the cobblestone streets for the sandy paths at the exact time that he was ready to boil over. His 'running away' included a therapeutic technique that he had picked up from the Abomination not long after they first met, much as it pained him to admit it now.

Starting with the memory of that incident to work through on his way out of town was a ritual, reminding him that if he allowed the Dragon to control him, he would be dangerous to his friends, to Marian. So as he walked the streets towards freedom, he set his mind to remembering Anders' words to him. During the mission to rescue the boy Feynriel, after they had killed Danzig and his slavers in Darktown, Fenris had lost himself in frenzied temper. The threat Danzig initially made to the group to sell them all as slaves to the Tevinters had lit the fire on his rage before the battle had even started.

That fire had burned long after the battle was over. He had been using a hammer at the time and for some reason, after pounding Danzig into unrecognizable goo, he had turned his attention to the stone monument near where the slaver's body had fallen. The one that looked out over the water. He did not become aware of his surroundings again until the waist tall, human thick moment had been reduced to so much gravel.

_He was exhausted, drained. When he turned to leave the area, he found Anders holding Hawke and Varric by the stairs, not letting them near him. He was grateful for that, for a time, though he never knew what explanation the possessed mage had given the other two for what happened. Fenris had not even remembered that the three were there or what had happened to set him off. He soon became aware that his face and neck were burning and some parts of his arms, the skin he had showing covered in cuts with small shards of monument in them. _

_Once Fenris had calmed, Anders had quietly asked that Fenris come to his clinic for treatment. "Non-magical, tweezers only treatment," he had specified. Fenris had followed him, no more aware of himself or his surroundings yet than a person waking in complete darkness after a head injury. Anders asked the other two to wait outside at the clinic while he talked, just talked, to the former slave as he tweezed._

_"We fought a lot of battles in Amaranthine, you know. Civil unrest. A darkspawn mini-horde. Many of our people were veterans of the war on the Ferelden blight, the civil war for the throne before that. Each of them, each of us, lived through horrors that should be beyond the capacity of any being to conceive of inflicting on others. I am always surprised and disappointed that they aren't. _

_"Our struggles manifested in each of us in different ways. Many of the men went through something similar to what just happened with you. Mind numbing rage, lost time, being unaware of your surroundings." Anders held up a rather large shard of monument that he had pulled out of a still fogged over Fenris's arm and got the elf's eyes to focus on it before chucking it in the tray beside him. "Being unaware of injuries to yourself, sometimes even ones that are life threatening. _

_"But the worst for them was not knowing the friends and loved ones around them for who they were, their mind turning the person into an enemy they had to fight. Sometimes they unintentionally hurt these friends and loved ones, badly hurt in some cases, when those people tried to help. I had a friend... I FAILED a friend, who lost himself one night in a rage after a nightmare and snapped his wife's neck when she took his hand. They were on their honeymoon. He was devastated that he had killed the woman he loved, cried for hours during every interview, but he was honest about what had happened and how it had occurred. He hung himself not long after they brought him back to Vigil's Keep. This was before we understood better what was going on and learned how to handle it."_

_Anders paused for a moment, resting his hands in his lap and dropping his head to his chest, professionalism gone. "It was my responsibility as a spirit healer to figure out a way to help these men, to find a cure. The burden of his death and his beautiful wife's is one I will never put down. I should have been better, should have been smarter." He sighed, then shook himself back together._

_"Anyway," Anders said, "while we haven't found it possible to wipe away the trauma-magic can't fix everything, as you well know-with the men's help and feedback there have been several methods developed that will help manage it. I would like... I hope you will trust me to send you home with one sleeping potion for you to use tonight and then to come see me tomorrow to discuss some of the methods and see what you think might work. And if the one you try first doesn't help, there are several more. Different men, different struggles."_

_Anders paused, waiting for a response that Fenris didn't give him, then sighed and stood, gathering his things. After he'd stepped back, he shook the tray a bit where Fenris could see it. "Maker, that's a lot of shrapnel. A healing potion would help if you would drink it before you leave. I'm going to send you home with some salve to prevent infection and speed healing. If you choose to use it, then do so twice a day after washing each wound as carefully as you can with soap and water. I could heal it much faster with magic but I know better than to suggest it." He smiled a bit at Fenris and turned away to get the salve._

_Fenris's voice was gravelly and hoarse, as if he hadn't had a drink in days. "I am sorry for the loss of your friend. And for your friend's loss."_

_Anders turned back. "Thank you. I know you struggle with the horrors you lived through. I think most men would have given up and been killed by it, but you're much too stubborn and strong to give in. You've been alone without help for too long but somehow you've landed exactly where you need to be, with exactly the people you need to be with."_

_"Even though you can't stand me." Said sarcastically, but not cruelly, with a quirk at the corner of his mouth._

_Anders laughed. "Yes, and even you though you can't stand me either."_

_Fenris took the potion, the salve and was at the clinic early in the morning._

As per usual, Fenris hit the sand at almost that moment and began to jog. He had modified one of the methods Anders had suggested to best suit his needs, which given his circumstances had been running, to remind himself that he could. That he could escape again and again and again if need be.

As he jogged, he replayed in his mind many of the indignities that he had suffered at the hands of Hadriana. Just her. It made him angry to remember, but it also made him feel small and weak to have allowed himself to be treated that way, regardless of circumstance. And THAT was the kindling that lit the fire of his rage. He burst out of his jog into a flat out, full speed, desperate run. A mantra repeating over and over in his mind, "_I survived, I escaped, I am free. I survived, I escaped, I am free."_

Time meant nothing to him, just one foot in front of the other as fast as he could make them go, and the mantra reminding him that he was no longer a victim and never would be again. That he was even helping others himself now. He was barely aware of reaching the border to the next city-state, the place where Hawke turned them around for home. He just ran. For a time, he slowed back to a jog and replayed in his mind all the good things that he had experienced since being left on Seheron by Danarius due to lack of cargo space on the ship. The Fog Warriors. Still too hard for him to process. He jogged past that memory in his mind just as he jogged on the sands of the coast.

The kindly old woman who lived alone in Seheron between Danarius (and the Fog Warriors he had murdered) and the port city. She had let him stay the night in front of her fire, fed him a hot dinner and breakfast and sent him on his way with a loaf of bread and a small wheel of cheese. In exchange, he had cut half a cord of firewood for her, terribly afraid he could not afford the time to do so but unwilling to simply steal what he needed from such a kind soul. He still wondered if Danarius and his men had tracked him through her home and tortured her for information. He hoped not, but there was nothing he could do to change it now.

Nothing else stood out in his mind until the night he had met Hawke, Varric and Aveline. Broke, physically and mentally exhausted and with the first competent warriors he had seen since Seheron, he decided to stay for a time. A short time. He vowed to save up some coin doing jobs for Hawke, lay low otherwise and then keep running. To Ferelden, where the blighted land would have run most off, made others desperate enough to face him for Danarius's coin, but where he could turn south. He would make for the Korcari Wilds, the tales of which were used to frighten children across Thedas. The stories of the Witch of the Wilds curdled the blood of people who believed it, but they had been around so long that he himself did not. Still, given his known hatred of magic, it would have been the last place Danarius would look for him. He would decide from there what to do next.

But none of that ever happened. Instead, he stayed in Kirkwall, the place where he had been located once already. And he had done so because of Hawke, because of her friends. Some of them became his friends. Some didn't. But Hawke. Hawke changed the way he looked at mages. She was kind when she could be, ruthless when the situation called for it and helped absolutely everyone she could whether she was paid or not. Even the abomination, in Fenris's early days in Kirkwall, had shown him a selfless side of magic users, healing others until he was falling down, passing out exhausted, for no compensation. Of course, the man was beginning to lose control, just as Fenris had known he would, but he would not think about that just now.

At the time, Fenris could not understand Anders' willingness to help his friend Justice by hosting the spirit. But while he would never admit it, he did now. If Hawke needed to draw mana from his markings, he would let her. He would insist. If the only way to save herself was to take his blood and use blood magic, he would use the knife himself. Those feelings terrified him and elated him all at once. Because he knew she would never do those things, to him, to anyone. She turned his experience with mages, with women, upside down. She confused him. He didn't understand her.

But he had understood Hadriana. The selfishness, the corruption. What he had done with Marian tonight had born no resemblance whatever to the things Hadriana and Danarius had made him do. Painful, humiliating things that he looked back on and could not believe he had allowed to happen without fighting to the death first. But such was the conditioning of a slave, the building up (or breaking down) of the needs or wants of the individual slave and turning those instincts to pleasing the master, because that may mean pain or degradation or bleeding, but it also meant food and shelter and another night alive. When he had ripped her heart out, he had relished the fear on her face and for a moment he had wanted to drink from it and bath in the blood just as he had seen Hadriana and Danarius do countless times. And with those thoughts that made him physically ill, he had built up the rage, deliberately, to race the wind as long as he could before stopping for the night.

Again, he was not sure how far he had run as the less familiar scenery had blurred past him. But he knew it when he reached the spot he usually camped at, one with a sheltered overhang with abundant brush to conceal the use of the area, easy access to the beach for a cleansing swim. Just off the beaten path, he had never, during his several trips during the last few years, seen anyone at all there.

Fenris dropped his things in their usual spot, stepped out from under the shelter, which was not as tall as he was, and began removing his armor to take a cooling swim in the ocean before eating. The sunset was just beginning, pink and orange in the sky. Still trying to slow his breathing, he deliberately inhaled a lungful of air so deep he could not hold anymore and then let it out. He tensed. With that breath, he had scented the smell of wood smoke.

Tightening the straps he had already loosened, replacing his sword, he returned to the road to scout out the source. Spotting the small clouds of smoke, he headed in that direction. Probably just another traveler stopped for the night, he assumed.

As it turned out, he was quite wrong.


	3. Loss

I've got a big shock for you: No author's notes! Well, except for this one.

3.

Loss

When Fenris found the source of the smoke, it had been much larger, darker clouds than a campfire would ever put off (unless Merrill built it, he admitted to himself). The elf left the road as he got closer, climbing a dune to put himself above whatever he would find. Days like this he cursed his unnaturally platinum hair for being entirely too visible.

Whatever had happened here, he was too late either to help or to hurt. It was a campsite, what appeared to be a family coach overturned and on fire, nearly shelled out now. The horses long gone. His sharp eyes picked up something moving, just a little. Villain or victim (probably victim) he was not without mercy. A victim he might aid, a villain he would send to have a chat with Andraste about the way all people were expected to treat one another.

Quickly he worked his way around to the side of the dune that would put him between the movement he'd seen and the flames from the coach. That was where he came down. Sword drawn, he worked his way slowly around the carnage. And carnage it was; this was a family with children and a serving man. By the looks of the scattered luggage and stuffed toys, they had been young children. He found six charged human corpses and the charred corpse of a mabari, dead of a sword through the ribs that pinned him to the ground even still.

Satisfied that he would not be attacked without forewarning, he sought the source of the movement he'd spotted from the hill. The campsite was round, but had a 'median', if you will, giving the appearance of two ways into and out of the camp. Well experienced with this sort of set up but without the rogues he was becoming too accustomed to traveling with, Fenris had to resort to sweeping ahead of himself for traps with a branch hacked off a sturdy tree. There were several and it wasn't until he began the loop down the other side that he saw the source of the movement. Another mabari, trapped by a hind leg above the hock, now lying still but watching him cautiously. Fearfully. This one had obviously been defending the opening to the campsite, just as the other had been.

In no hurry now, Fenris continued finding and setting off different types of traps until he was able to reach what he could see was a young female. When he put his sword on his back again and slowed his approach, she lifted her head and wagged her nubby little tail hopefully. He crouched a few feet in front of her, where he could see she had pulled futilely to escape the trap, widening her wound to where he could see fractured bone. But that she had not attempted to chew at the leg and trap as he would have expected. A second glance told him why; she was pregnant. Very, very pregnant and would not have been able to reach it. Fenris sighed. Of course she was.

He spoke to her in a low, soothing voice. "My friend's mabari is smarter than most people I know. Bark once, quietly, if you won't bite me and I'll believe you." There was a low woof in response. She put her head back down again and waited for him to decide what to do.

Fenris knelt much closer to her head and held his hands out to each side of her nose, feeling silly and rather happy that Varric wasn't here for this. "Alright," he said to her, "touch the left hand for yes and the right hand for no." He shook each hand a bit to demonstrate for her.

"Have the bandits been gone long?"

No.

"Were there many of them?"

No.

"At least three?"

Yes.

"Four?"

Yes.

"Five?"

No.

"Did they have their own dogs?"

No.

"Did they take the horses?"

Yes.

"Fastavas. Did they ride the horses?"

No.

"Well, that's something. This was your family?"

Yes.

"And your mate?"

Yes.

"And you carry a litter?"

Yes.

"You realize none of the others survived?"

Yes. And she whined.

Fenris stroked her head gently for a moment while he thought, surprised at himself for offering the comfort.

"I am sorry that I was not here in time to stop them. But I will help you with whichever you choose. Do you wish to live?" He stopped stroking her head and put his hands back down for her.

There was a long pause, where she raised her head and looked sadly in the direction of her family. At that moment, he saw one of the puppies shift in her belly and she turned to look at her side move as the puppy turned. She sighed.

Yes.

He stroked her head again while he talked to her. "The luggage has been scattered and some of the clothing seems intact enough to use for bandages. The way your leg is caught, I can't set you free until I gather the supplies to stop the bleeding. So, I'll be back in a minute."

He left her with her head back down on her paws looking miserable. Running from slavers and traveling with Hawke had taught him to strip a camp in a hurry, so everything potentially useful was together in short order. He grabbed the children's stuffed animals on impulse and added them to the pile. Checking her mate's body, his collar was burnt off but the buckle and some type of medallion were there, so he put them in one of his pouches. He removed the sword, and took the charred body and lay it next to the family, who had been burned together.

Fenris shook his head when he realized that Hawke's sentimentality was rubbing off on him. Next thing he knew he'd be drinking tea.

He'd also found clean white men's shirts one of the bags and another bag with cloth diapers. He put extras of each into his pouches until they were bulging and returned to the mabari. On his way back to the female, he found an untouched dog collar. He suspected they'd tried to steal her for the fortune the litter would bring and that she'd backed into the trap when the collar pulled off. He bent over in front of her. "This may or may not be yours, but it will help me get you back to Kirkwall, so with your permission?" She had put her nose in the collar before he finished speaking and allowed him to slip it over her head. When it fit perfectly he decided it was indeed hers.

He knelt in front of the trap and began tearing the man's shirt into wide strips, leaving a square of it draped over her other rear leg and in the sand behind it so as to avoid more dirt in the wound when it touched the ground again. He twisted towards the trap so that she wouldn't see the cloth diaper he would need to use as padding. Two short pieces of metal from the wheels of the coach would serve as splint material.

He moved back to crouch in front of her head and waited for her to look up at him. "I am sure you are aware you have some broken bones in there. Once I open the trap, I will lift your leg with as much support as I can give it from below the break. But I will have one hand holding open the top of the trap and one foot keeping it on the ground. It's an old bear trap with no release, it has to be opened with brute strength." There was silence for a moment before he said, "By the way, I'm about to glow. These markings make me much stronger." He activated them before he stood up and she licked his hand anyway, like it didn't matter to her that he was the color of moonsilver and almost see through. His rubbed his chest for a minute, feeling almost the same kind of warm, squishy feeling he'd had while Hawke had slept in his arms last night. And then he set her free.

She was panting from the pain after the wrap and splint job was done. She assured him that she was not in labor. By then, twilight was setting in and it was beginning to be harder to see. He lifted her to a more comfortable place in the camp with a less disturbing view and crouched before her again.

"You have one last choice to make," he said, his face grim as he held his hands out. I can leave you here for however long it takes me to catch and kill these bastards. Which I promise you I can do. (He shook his left fist a little.) Or I can take you to my shelter for the night and we can head to my friends in Kirkwall in the morning. (He shook his right fist.)

She ignored his fists and struggled to her feet, with a last minute hand from Fenris. She went around camp on three legs, touching her nose to the face of each charred corpse, lingering at the little ones. When she reached her mate, she licked the side of his mouth, threw back her head and howled mournfully enough that Fenris's throat began to ache and his eyes to fill. To have had that kind of life ripped away from you in an instant because of some filthy thieves who wanted things they had not earned. His anger, his rage, wanted to find them and kill them. But his word to this mabari would make him turn around and head for Kirkwall in the morning.

After she'd finished saying goodbye, she looked at him and so Fenris went to her. "If there is anything you wish to save we will have room to do so. Your mate's collar is lost but I picked up the medallion from his collar. It is a little melted, but could be reattached to your own collar for remembrance." She leaned against him for a moment, then walked over to the pile he had collected. She sniffed at things for a moment, then chose three stuffed animals. The favorite one for each child he would guess, from a worn ragdoll with no buttons for a toddler to a fancily dressed princess bear for a somewhat older daughter. He thought the one in the middle was a tiger, but it had been so, um, well loved that it was impossible to tell anymore. She looked to him as if for permission.

"Of course. There will be more than enough room." Fenris gathered the toys and turned to his new friend again. "The camp is a relatively short walk, with ample food and a small pool of fresh water. Would you like to walk as far as you are able, to keep limber? Or are you tired and would like me to carry you?"

She tilted her head at him with a look that clearly spoke of her disbelief at his ability to carry her any distance.

He smiled at her. "Brute strength, remember? Come, let me get you somewhere you can rest." He looked at the stuffed animals for a moment, picked them up and stuck the rag doll and 'tiger' in the middle of his back tucked in his belt. That left just the one larger bear, which had helpfully long legs for one hand to hold. Fenris crouched next to her, slid his left hand between her front legs and put the bear into it even as he held tight to her shoulder. He wrapped his right arm just below her buttocks but a bit above the broken leg, which he'd left on the outside.

He lifted her easily and laughed at the expression of surprise she gave him for it. She sighed and rested her head at the junction of his gauntlet and elbow. Fenris thought the dog fell asleep almost immediately, but that would be no great surprise with the day's events and her injury. Just below the turn off to his little hide away, he woke her up. Whispering in her ear, he asked, "We are just above the campsite. Do you smell anything but myself and food?"

She breathed deeply for a moment and simply laid her head back down on his arm. "Good. The campsite is quite snug. Would you like me to set you down here to take care of your needs? I'll bring you back out later if it isn't necessary now." She left her head on his arm and looked up at him with soulful, sad eyes. He could see she'd had as much as she could handle for the time being. Some water, some food and he would let her sleep.

He, however, was still going swimming. And so he helped her to drink, gave her some of the meat and bread from the bag of food, eating fruit and some vegetables for himself. He gave her the stuffed animals to wrap herself around and gratefully swam away the day's dirt and sweat in the cool salt water under the light of an almost full moon.


	4. A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

Wow, I'm really on a roll here with the no author's notes things. Thanks to everyone who spends their time reading this, whether you liked it or not.

4.

A _Hard Rain's_ A-_Gonna Fall_

When Fenris left the calm ocean waters and began to dress again, he saw that the young mother-to-be was awake and watching him. "Do you need help to reach a place where you may relieve yourself? She woofed lowly and wagged her tail. It was amusing, he thought to himself as he lifted her, how little the animal kingdom worried about things like modesty and propriety. A human would be mortified if anyone, even a beloved spouse, were to need this type of assistance. So whether it meant anything to the dog or not, he turned his back on her and waited until he felt her nose in his hand to indicate she was ready to return to camp.

He helped her drink from the little pool of fresh water that burbled from under the ground and gave her a little more meat and bread to eat. He settled her into the back of the shelter once again and backed up from her a bit. "It is still early in the evening and I normally sleep just a few hours each night. I find myself restless. I was running off some personal problems today, it helps me think. Would you be alright if I left you alone for a few hours and ran some more?"

He held his fists out for her but she once again ignored them. He found himself on the receiving end of the kind of stare he was used to receiving only from Hawke, the kind that he felt saw right through him. Good, bad, ugly... all of him. Her eyes clearly said to him (and he had no idea how), "There has been enough death for one day. Please do not go." She touched the 'No' fist. And waited.

He struggled with wanting to do what he felt was right, or at least, what he knew he wanted to do, which was track down and slaughter these bandits. He felt himself a fool for believing he could understand what this dog was thinking. And twice a fool for caring what she wanted, since he was simply going to pass her off to Anders for healing and finding a new home for her. But that whole train of thought made him uncomfortable and so he nodded his assent and set aside his sword.

The shelter was small, so in order to remain in it he ended up lying just a few inches from the young dog, intending to turn on his side and watch the stars until he was tired enough to sleep. But he never had the chance to turn from his back. She pulled herself the few inches closer, squirmed her way under his arm and laid her head down on his shoulder. She then promptly went to sleep. Fenris assumed she wanted the security and comfort of another living being after so traumatic a day for her, and so he not only allowed the invasion of his personal space, he carefully wrapped the arm on that side around her. He stroked her neck and shoulders a few times and then rested his hand on her back.

His view of the stars was obstructed by the overhang now, but somehow he didn't mind.

He woke on his side with an unfamiliar warm weight pressed up against his back. Yesterday's events soon came back to him and he glanced at the bright red favor he wore on his gauntlet with a smile. He must have been much more exhausted than he'd thought to have slept until sunrise after going to bed so early. Sunrise usually required a few bottles of wine to achieve (prodigious use of alcohol usually kept away the night terrors). It was cooler this morning than he would have expected, the air still and heavy. While he'd like to have let the dog sleep in, he doubted he would even be able to jog while carrying her without further damaging her leg.

He sat up and turned to face her. The moment he moved she raised herself to her chest, startled; when she saw him she relaxed and looked at him expectantly. Fenris nodded respectfully, "Good morning. Privacy before anything else?"

She gestured towards his yes hand and woofed, wagging her tail urgently. Fenris smiled as he picked her up and made his way up the hill to her 'potty spot'. He took himself a few feet down to empty his own bladder, back still to her respectfully. He waited patiently, surveying the sky to try and determine the weather. A squall was coming, he could smell it on the breeze; see it in the clouds. He hoped they would have enough time to make it to the next shelter with fresh water on the way back to Kirkwall before the storm rolled in.

She licked his hand and he startled, having concentrated on the weather enough that he didn't hear her approach. He smiled companionably down at her. "Do you feel like walking the short distance to camp? I think it's best if you don't stiffen up too much and I will be carrying you the rest of the day." She turned away with a look that said she still didn't believe he could do that and headed for the camp slowly with a three legged hop.

The dog stopped immediately at the fresh water pool and waited for Fenris to kneel and drink his own fill out of cupped hands before she took her own. Fenris talked to her as they broke their fast. "We'll leave as soon as I change your bandage again. I don't know what to do for it besides keep it as clean as possible and get you to Kirkwall as soon as possible. Anders, the healer, is someone I detest personally but I will be the first to admit he is a very talented healer. But as I am sure you can tell, it will soon be raining. Hard. We will take shelter and continue when it passes if we can. Though you should know that I ran in half a day what would normally be a two day walk. I doubt we'll be able to do more than walk without damaging your leg."

That one speech was more talking than he usually did in an entire day. He wasn't sure what compelled him to tell her the details of the plan, but his voice seemed to make her more comfortable. Or maybe it made him more comfortable, conversing with a being not able to share in most of the conversation. Fenris supposed it didn't really matter.

While he talked to her, he saw puppies begin to move in her side again. It was a compelling sight. One part fascination, one part horrified incredulity. He wasn't sure what was in the lead. She saw him looking at her side with the fearful look on his face and grabbed the hand closest to her, drew it to her side as far as she could. Fenris's eyes grew wide, "You want me to touch that?"

A head gesture to his yes hand.

"It won't hurt you or the babies?"

No.

"And you still aren't in labor?"

No.

With the same care the hardened warrior would use to find the best place to begin an attack on a high dragon, Fenris cautiously reached out his hand again and set it gently on her rib cage before dragging it lightly down her side. The puppy that had been moving felt the touch and squirmed again. Fenris drew his hand back, startled and looked to the mother for reassurance. She nodded and gestured to her side again.

"But it felt... strange."

She woofed her agreement, but swung her head towards her side.

Feeling silly at himself for being so nervous, he set his hand gently but firmly on her belly. After waiting a minute, he could feel several of them moving around. He pushed in on her belly just a little, very gently. One of the pups rewarded him with a kick to the hand. Fenris laughed aloud. "Amazing. Who knew the miracle of life would so resemble locking half a dozen people into a very small closet."

They had finished eating and so Fenris dug in his pouches for the supplies needed to change the bandage. When he was ready, he unwound the existing bandage and the smell that hit his nose turned his stomach. It had festered overnight. Afraid even rinsing what dirt he could away with the pool of fresh water would be damaging because it wasn't boiled, there was nothing he could do for it here but wrap and splint it again and hope for the best.

Fenris looked his new friend in the eye. "I'm afraid we have to make a slight change of plans. Your leg wound is going bad as I am sure you can tell. I have to get you back to Kirkwall as soon as possible, which means no stopping for anything other than potty breaks and for fresh water and a little food."

She sighed her understanding and laid her head down on her front paws while he prepared for the trip.

"I am sure you will not be able to handle me jogging or running with your leg the way it is no matter how smoothly I try to go. But if you can handle short periods of a talent involving my markings, it will help us travel a great deal of distance very quickly. I won't have the stamina to maintain it long while carrying you so we couldn't use it often. My markings, and this skill, are powered by lyrium however and I have no idea what, if anything, it will do to you or your pups. Let me show you."

He activated his marks fully and darted to the end of the short beach and back again before she could blink. Her eyes got wide when he put his hand into the solid rock wall that had formed one side of the camp and pulled it out again, both the wall and himself unscathed. Fenris crouched in front of her and held out one hand so she could sniff the markings, taste them if she wished. She sniffed his hand and arm, licked the palm of his hand and looked up at him.

He let the markings go, no sense wasting the energy. "Feels odd, sort of tingly, doesn't it?"

Yes.

"It makes you nervous."

She hesitated, but answered yes.

"I would shield you from its influence as best I could, but I can make no guarantees. Would you like to try it when we leave the camp and then make up your mind? I will abide by your decision."

She sighed, but gestured for yes.

Fenris quickly gathered their belongings, placing the stuffed animals into the food supply sack, leaving the bandage materials on his belt where they were. He carried her to the road, settled her more carefully in his arms and asked, "Ready?"

She swung her head to the yes hand that was currently supporting her hindquarters.

"Right," he said. "Lick my elbow if you want me to stop." And with that he activated his markings and, when he received no lick, ran as far as he could before his stamina gave out. When they stopped he was breathing hard but kept walking. They had covered perhaps a mile. Only fifty or so to go. Huzzah.

He looked down at his charge. "You okay? She had what could only be described as a wide doggy, panting grin on her face. He laughed. "You loved that, didn't you?"

She barked a few times out of sheer excitement and instead of falling asleep in his arms the way she had yesterday, she kept her head up. She watched their surroundings, sniffing the air almost constantly.

"Watching my back, are you?"

She looked toward his yes hand and then licked the underside of his chin, which was all she could stretch to reach.

"It is appreciated." He walked as fast as he could, waiting to recover enough stamina to entertain his passenger again and make up more distance. The air was changing rapidly, becoming cooler to the point of cold. He cursed internally; when the rain finally hit, it would be freezing.

Hours later when they stopped for potty breaks, fresh water and lunch, he noticed that she had less of an appetite and thirst than she had that morning. She was listless and her skin felt feverish. He could tell from looking in the direction of Kirkwall (still probably thirty-five miles away) that most of the rain was between them and the squalid city and that they would be reaching it soon. Looking at the sea he could tell it was a wide storm front and that once he hit it they would be traveling in it the rest of the day.

He realized the only protection he could give her wound from the rain was his leather breastplate. No one else was crazy enough to be out in this weather so he unbuckled it on one side and draped it horizontally over her hindquarters. It covered the bandage with room to spare. He'd replaced the sword and the pack. He'd shaken his arms out while they were eating, so they took up their burden once again with only mild protestations. Fenris had to hurry if he wanted the poor girl to keep her leg. Today was going to be a very long day.

The hours passed into a blur after that. One foot in front of the other. He stopped being able to activate his markings about ten miles outside Kirkwall. It was dark already, they were both soaked with rain. Fenris had not been able to rouse the dog the last time they had stopped, though she still breathed, so he had eaten some of the meat and as much of the fruits and vegetables as he could, needing the energy boost. He wished he had a wine skin that he could empty for fresh water (which he would never mention to anyone, ever) but he did not. So he drank as much as he could at that last stop. It was the last stop he planned to make, or he thought the dog would die despite his efforts. "Hang on, little girl. You're a stubborn ass mabari, a fever and a broken leg won't beat you. When you get better I'll take you out running with the lyrium again." His plan to get Anders to find her a home had been forgotten in his exhaustion.

Five miles from Kirkwall, Fenris could barely remember his own name, just that he had to reach Hawke. Hawke would fix it; she fixed everything. He wondered idly if the dog would still weigh just over 180 pounds after she gave birth and weaned her litter.

When he hit the boundary of Kirkwall, he could have wept. He was pretty sure he was weeping when he hit Hightown, his body hurt so badly, especially his arms.

It was almost impossible to make out in the freezing downpour, but there was the Hawke estate. Fenris had no idea what time it was, but he was finally there. He had no energy to do anything else, so he just banged his head on the door as loudly as he could manage. After a few minutes with no results, he tried it again.

He had not come this far only to fail. With a roar, he forced his markings to activate, though it nearly drove him to his knees. He lifted a leg, kicked in the door and then nearly fell. He would owe Hawke a new lock, but at least he was in.

At the top of the voice he had left, which was a deep croak that sounded nothing like his normal smooth tones, he called for her, his teeth chattering. "Hawke! Hawke! I need your help. PLEASE, Hawke." He staggered towards the fireplace which was still giving off a little flame and some blessed heat. He had reached the limit of his endurance and passed it by about, oh, twenty miles or so.

Without having intended to do so, he collapsed to his knees in front of the fire, dripping wet and shivering himself. The dog fared better than he did at this point, wearing his leather breastplate as she was. He wanted to put her down, but could not. His arms were locked into the position they'd been in most of the day.

He was too exhausted and cold to do more than blink when the fireplace burst fully into flame and then sigh with relief as heat swirled through him now. He could hear the slamming of doors, the issuing of orders. And then she was there. His Marian.

Hawke would fix it; she fixed everything.


	5. Cold Comfort

Cold Comfort

So, any of you familiar with the phrase "Rushed to Publication"? For some reason, that's what I did with this chapter. I was worried about a procedure I was having the next day and slept much over the last few days. My experience with insomnia is where I got some of Fenris's behavior here. Mostly I was forcing instead of flowing again. Hence, the new title and rewrite of the bits of the chapter that weren't really working for me. Unfortunately I left the author's notes as they were and added this, so now they are even longer, as is the chapter. Humble apologies.

You guys ran out of luck on the author's notes this time. Muahahaha. Let's see. After doing minutes of back breaking research on the internet about the geography of the Free Marches, I still have absolutely no idea what lies directly was that it is the border between Kirkwall and the next City-State over that Fenris crossed. Which is great and all, except the wikia only mentions three City-States: Kirkwall, Starkhaven and Tantervale. With no information about which comes in what order. So I hereby declare that Fenris ran all the way into Tantervale by a fair bit. Remember he estimated 50 miles from Kirkwall.

Second-I realize Fenris seemed a bit OOC last chapter, but my thought is that without other people around to be hypervigilant and on guard about, combined with the relaxing benefits of a dog and his opportunity to do a good deed on his own, that he would be more 'himself'. He would be the Fenris we would like to see a few years later, say around Inquisition time, after he's been happy and non threatened for a while and recovered some from the abuses of his life with Danarius. And in this chapter, we see that he has actively given a lot of thought to what Hawke had to say about being on a team. It was, after all, a long walk.

Third, this is a LOT longer than I meant it to be, but I have been warned about cliffhangers (thanks for the review!) so I'll try and skip having one this chapter by virtue of making this REALLY LONG. Okay, I'll shut up now.

5.

Cold Comfort

Fenris couldn't make himself stop shivering or his teeth stop chattering. He couldn't remember ever being so cold in his life. But he'd finally made it to Hawke's and she would take care of everything from here.

Marian was the first down the stairs. She took one look at Fenris and his passenger and grabbed a pad and pen from the desk near the fireplace. She knelt down in front of him. "Fenris, are you injured?"

He shook his head 'no', unable to make his teeth stop. (Marian knew from experience that this might actually mean anything from a genuine 'no' to 'Oh, look, my arm's off. It's just a flesh wound.")

"The dog is injured?"

Nodded. Yes.

She gently laid her hand on the bandage in front of her and extended her limited healing senses. "She's got an open, festering fracture?

Yes.

"Sick?"

Yes. (Internally he appreciated the role reversal he was experiencing at the moment. He was just glad he didn't have to touch his nose to a yes hand or a no hand.)

"You can't put her down?"

No.

"You've been carrying her a long time and your arms are locked up?"

Yes. He sighed with relief that she understood.

"And you're in a lot of pain?"

Yes.

"Do I need to send for Anders?" Her own healing skills were rudimentary at best.

Yes.

"Do I need to send for Merrill?

He shrugged.

"You aren't sure. Okay, better to have her and not need her than need her and not have her. (She dropped her voice to an intimate whisper.) _Hang on just a little longer, my Champion. I'll dispatch the troops and be right back._" Marian threw new logs on the fire before she left, her magic having reduced the fuel already in the fireplace rather rapidly.

He closed his eyes, nodded and sighed with relief. In the background he could clearly hear her scribble something on her pad which she must have torn off and handed to Bodhan. "We need Anders immediately, Bodhan. Go through the cellar, it's much faster. Give him this list, tell him to hurry. Don't wait for him but leave the door unlocked. He'll know to lock it behind him. Take Grunt with you and when you get back take Grunt with you to go get Merrill and give her this list. But wait for her and escort her back. Try not to let her get distracted while she's gathering things. I'm sorry to have to send you out in this weather."

"Worry not, messere, I can see there is trouble. The young lady and I will both be fine and stay as dry as we can." He looked at Sandal, his son. "Sandal, my boy, I need you to be good while I'm gone, it's just for a little while. Don't enchant or swing on anything." He called for Grunt, Hawke's mabari, then he grabbed a stout walking stick for protection and was gone down the back stairs. (Hawke had given him quarterstaff lessons which he had taken to quite well.)

Next Fenris heard Hawke call for the elven slave they had rescued recently. She was still fearful and tentative, remaining out of sight until called. "Orana! Come here, dear."

He heard light feet trot down the stairs towards the sound of Hawke's voice as fast as he was sure they could go. "Yes, mistress?"

"There's a bit of an emergency. I need you to take our biggest soup pot and heat water in it on the stove. It's only to be used for healing. And then put on tea in a different pot. Lots of tea. Let's see... make this first pot chamomile and we'll ask Anders what would be best later. Alright?"

Fenris had no doubt that Orana still curtseyed and that Hawke would be too distracted to correct her about it. "Take Sandal with you if you don't mind. He'll be helpful filling the soup pot with water from tea kettles. Just don't turn the flame on anything until you're finished and he's away from the stove. One crisis at a time is enough, right?"

Orana actually giggled. "Yes, mistress." And Fenris could hear her as she asked Sandal to accompany her to the kitchen.

Hawke called upstairs to her mother but she had come closer to Fenris again and so he opened his eyes. "I think that's enough blankets and towels. Thank you. Can you find a sheet you are willing to sacrifice for bandages, just in case? Oh and grab something loose, warm and soft for him to wear from my room. We're of a size." Then she grumbled to herself under her breath as she turned back to face Fenris. "Actually, I think my hips are wider than yours."

The only response Fenris could offer was a roll of his eyes.

Hawke smiled at him. "Almost there. Will there be gory mess? Just so I know what blanket to put her on."

He nodded.

"Are you warming up a bit yet?"

He nodded.

"Okay. I'll get what I need out of the pile by the stairs and be right back."

The sight of her bending over in her short robe with her short gown and sorting through the covers that had been tossed down did quite a bit to help warm up his insides, but nothing, unfortunately, about the outsides. Marian stopped to grab the old throw rug in front of the desk where she received her messages and came back to the fireplace.

"Okay. Here we go." She talked while she worked as if giving herself instructions, laying things out for the dog directly in front of Fenris so all he would have to do is lay her down when he could and then the dog could easily be lifted or slid to anywhere she needed to be. "First, the rug. It's not sentimental and it's strong enough for us to move her on it. Then this blanket for a soft layer. (She quickly unfolded it to the size of the rug and placed it there.) And then these two old towels. That should be comfortable enough for now for her and absorbent enough to please mother." All this, and he'd been here about five minutes. She was definitely amazing.

Leandra, meanwhile, was coming up behind Hawke at the time. "I heard that."

Hawke grinned and winked at Fenris before looking at her mother. "I'm about ready to try and help him lay the dog down. Then he's all yours, mother." All Lady Hawke's? Wait, what?

Orana tip toed back into the room at that point with a large wooden mug, the kind one would use to drink ale. "Begging your pardon, mistress."

Hawke smiled at her gently. "What is it, Orana?"

"It will be some time before the tea is ready and I can see that Messere Fenris is dangerously cold. I thought this mug of water would heat faster in the fireplace than waiting on the tea. I squeezed lemon juice and honey into it. My papa used to do that for me when he was worried I was getting sick. I hope that was okay to do, Mistress." Orana was anxious as initiative in a slave was generally frowned upon and punished. She was trying hard to shed her past and seemed to be doing a much better job of it after three weeks than Fenris had after six years. Of course, he hadn't had a Hawke in his life for much of that time either.

Hawke took the mug from Orana and gently gave her a one armed hug in exchange, keeping it brief and ignoring Orana's immediate tension. "It's not only okay, it's a terrific idea, thank you. I'm sure Fenris will thank you himself when he can talk again." Fenris nodded.

"No thanks are necessary, Mistress. I will return to supervising Sandal while waiting for the water to boil." She left the room with a proud smile on her face.

Hawke turned to Fenris, squeezing the mug between her hands and putting out a little heat magic to warm it instantly, putting it to her lips to be sure it wasn't too hot. Normally she wouldn't mind waiting, but Fenris was hypothermic and needed warming up gently and soon. "Would you like some water before I put it on the hearth for you?"

He nodded vigorously. She came around to his side and held the mug to his lips, tilting it gently until he was able to swallow some. She took the mug away after several swallows and he glared at her.

She moved away and set the mug on the hearth close to the fireplace. "Not too much at once. I have a feeling it's been a long time since you had a drink. Too much at once will make you bring it back up. You can have some more in a few minutes, I promise." Hawke touched the breastplate draped over the dog. "Now, is this fastened onto her in any way?"

Fenris shook his head, and tried his voice. "N... No." His teeth were still chattering heavily, making his words stutter.

"Excellent." She lifted it off carefully and handed it to her mother, who took it by two fingers and tossed it into the tiled foyer. At the same time Leandra noticed the open front door and pushed it closed.

"Make a mental note, darling, we need a new door jamb and door knob."

Fenris hung his head, causing water from his soaking wet hair to run into his eyes. "V...Ve..ry Sor...ry."

Leandra smiled at him gently as she dried his hair and face with a towel, leaving it draped around his shoulders. "Don't be, dear boy. You're at Hawke's house. This sort of thing is a daily occurrence. It's 3:00 a.m., you had no other way to wake us up." She raised a hand and shushed him when he tried to apologize for the hour. "Nonsense. You are welcome here any time, particularly when you are in need of help."

Fenris nodded and then stuttered out a 'thank you'. Marian brought the mug back, much to his relief, and allowed him to have another third of it before setting the mug back on the hearth with a sweet smile at the glare once again on his face. "More," he said, the lemon, tea and the fact that his teeth stopped chattering helping his voice recover.

Hawke knelt down and peeled the bandage back a bit from the top. She made a face when the odor hit. "How old is this injury?"

Fenris cleared his throat, hoping that would help his voice. "It was an old rusted bear trap, just yesterday afternoon. I had nothing to clean it with last night so I bandaged it up and planned to come back to Kirkwall in easy stages. But it went bad overnight, so we traveled all day. She became unresponsive as it was getting dark."

"Right. Well, it's time to get her out of your arms and onto this pallet. Is it safe to assume you still can't move them?"

"Yes. I can't even feel them." He knew when he could feel them again the pain would be agonizing.

"Maker, Fenris. Will you let me run a gentle healing spell on you before we lay her down? Just targeted to help the muscles in your arms and what I can reach of your shoulders muscles."

He hesitated. There was no one he trusted more than Hawke, but to let her use magic on him? He looked at her face and saw the honest wish to spare him any pain she could. He nodded.

Hawke sighed with relief and no little amount of surprise. This was a first. "Thank you. Okay." She stood behind him. Hawke wondered why he didn't tense up when she began, until she ran her hands down his biceps and realized that he couldn't possibly tense up. His muscles and connective tissues were as tight as they could get, knotted up and torn in most places. She upped the power she was sending into him, knowing that the dog's injury was beyond her limited healing ability. This was, too, really. But he began to relax a little bit as his arms felt better. "May I add a touch of heat to your arms and shoulders to help them relax?"

"Please." His voice, he sounded like looked when he drank the water and wanted more than he got. Getting a few sips when he wanted the whole ocean.

She complied and he groaned with the relief. "Maker, Fenris, how far did you carry her?"

His words were punctuated with grunts and sighs as she worked out a few knots. "I found her well inside Tantervale, so fifty miles or so."

Hawke stopped and stepped back in surprise. She looked at him, stunned. "You carried a fully grown mabari fifty miles in one day?"

He looked up at her, confused. "Er... yes?"

Her eyes welled up a bit and she looked at him for a minute and then kissed him on top of his damp head. She spoke quietly, "I am in awe of my Champion. You are amazing."

He smiled. "I would like to claim it was nothing but it was definitely something. If your door had been fifty feet farther away, I would not have made it. City guard would have found the two of us in the square at morning shift change."

Marian shook her head. "You would have made it. Now, let's get this little girl laid out before Anders gets here. What do you think of me supporting her legs from the forearms and down, rotating her as you lean forward so is horizontal to the floor when you get there? That way you don't have to extend your arms much."

He nodded. "Not having to extend my arms sounds like a brilliant idea."

Hawke's idea worked quite well. She pulled the pallet up Fenris's thighs a bit so he wouldn't have to stretch forward to have her in the center of the pallet. As soon as the dog was free, Hawke positioned her for easiest breathing (her breathing was steady which was the only positive sign she could see). She grabbed another blanket and draped it over the unconscious dog, slid the pallet back to the other side of the fireplace, giving her room to help Fenris, who was currently in agony just in front of her.

His arms had drawn up to his shoulders in cramps. Her mother spoke to him to let him know she was going to ease his pack off now that the dog was not in the way. Fenris nodded his consent.

The first thing Marian did was take off his gauntlets and gave them to her mother, who let them join the breastplate. Every bit of skin Marian could see was oddly tinted, she assumed because he was freezing and his olive toned skin wouldn't show blue the way her family's pale skin always did.

"I was going to pass him off to you, mother, but I'm afraid he needs both of us more than the dog does. Her problem is beyond my skill but Anders should be here soon." She smacked herself in the forehead. "Ugh, my morning brain. Mother, can you get me two healing potions for him. I should have thought of that already Fenris, I'm so sorry."

Her mother and Bodhan almost ran into each other as he went for the front door and she went for the kitchen. He put an oilcloth cloak and hood on for himself and grabbed an extra for Merrill. "Anders is packing up now. Back in a jiffy," he said as cheerily as if he was going to the bake shop for cakes and snacks. Grunt was simply going to get wet, but he wouldn't care.

"Fenris, do you want more water?" Marian watched him worriedly, knowing his reddened face and clenched jaw meant he was refusing to let her know how much pain he was in.

To her surprise, Fenris said, "No. Your magic. Please."

She was amazed, but complied instantly. Her mother returned with the healing potions which he drank gratefully. They helped perk him up, but... his poor muscles. She continued until he was able to relax a little, and his arms lowered to chest level. She could see the muscles twitching under the skin, trying to pull his arms back up to his shoulders. No matter what they did for him, he was going to be sore for days.

"Darling, are you able to lift his sword? Or should we help him lie on his side so we can pull it off him and get him in dry clothes?" Mother was a practical, solid head in an emergency. Comes from raising three kids, Marian assumed.

But Marian had never tried to pick up Fenris's sword before. And she would have to lift it high enough to remove it from the sheath, too. "Fenris?"

He cracked that little smirk that lifted the corner of his mouth and nothing else. "Do try not to drop it on my head."

She laughed and made the effort to lift the greatsword. And took a deep breath and made another effort to lift the greatsword. She had always been in awe of his mastery of a weapon as tall as he was that she knew was very heavy, but add carrying the mabari to that...

She gave up with a huff. "Okay. That would be a no. Let's go with mother's idea to help you lie on your side and just slide it out, okay."

He sighed. "I have no words to describe how fantastic it would feel to lie down right now."

So they eased him over on his side. Marian did most of the work and dragged the sword out of its sheath and into the foyer with the armor. She was puffing when she returned and announced to Fenris, "I have never been so happy to be a mage carrying a lightweight staff in my entire life."

He chuckled at that. Then, much to his displeasure and accompanying pout, they sat him back up. They removed the sheath, which joined the growing pile of his things in the foyer. Hawke took the mug from the fireplace and made sure the water wasn't too hot by tasting it herself. This time she let Fenris empty it.

Marian looked at Fenris with some concern. "I'd really like to get you into dry clothes before Anders gets her and Bodhan gets back with Merrill. Do you think, if we lifted you, that you could straighten your legs again and make it to the couch with some assistance?"

He gave her one of his sad smiles. "If I can't walk the distance, I am certainly in the proper position to crawl."

"Oh, no. No crawling for you." Marian squeezed one of his hands between both of hers and chafed it a little bit using her heat magic, trying to warm him back up. "Up you go, messere."

Fenris was grateful that his legs sort of worked and that with their assistance he could make his wobbly way to a padded bench against the wall that had a set of clean dry clothes and several towels on it. Before they let him sit, however, Marian's mother shifted around to look him in the eye.

"Now, Fenris, I know you aren't going to like this one bit, but not only are you still much too cold, your leather clothes are soaking wet. I am going to take your trousers down, dry you quickly and help you into clean pants.

Fenris's gave a little gasp and then his breath caught in his throat.

"Hawke will keep her eyes closed the entire time, (Marian 'awww'd in a whiny tone and made him smile) the ENTIRE time, young lady. Then we'll sit you back down and figure out what to do about your tunic. Remember, I've raised three children to adulthood and cared for a husband through the wasting. If you have something I haven't seen before, we are both in trouble. Other than your lyrium markings I mean."

"You have to be careful with those mother, they hurt him all the time. So pat dry."

"Is this true, Fenris?"

"Yes, Lady Hawke." He wasn't making eye contact with either of them.

"Oh, tosh, call me Leandra. Well, rubbing would have helped stimulate the circulation but I will skip it. Shall we get started?"

He sighed. "Only if I have oaths from both of you that this stays between the three of us and we will never, ever speak of it again."

Marian grinned. "Done."

Leandra chuckled. "Done. I can see why you like him, dear. He's so polite and thoughtful. Very charming."

Marian and Fenris both raised an eyebrow to each other at that statement. Marian continued to help him stand while her mother quickly took down Fenris's trousers and smalls (which certainly helped his face and ears warm up quickly), helped him step out of them, dried him quickly and efficiently and helped him step into the borrowed attire. It was soft and warm and ... soft and warm. He was getting sleepy and his words were escaping him. But he made a note to find out what these were and buy himself many pairs of them. He could see the shirt matched and could not wait for them to figure out how to get it on him. He was still so cold.

Once he was in the dry pants (and her OCD mother had let Fenris's trousers and smalls join the collection in the foyer) and sitting on the bench, the three of them assessed the situation silently for a moment.

Leandra spoke first. "Marian, his thighs and calves are as tight as his arms, you should look at them soon. So. The tunic. No buttons or other fastenings to undo."

"No, my Lady. It is leather and the water has shrunk it as well."

"So the trousers and the tunic are a loss for you anyway?"

"Yes, my Lady. I will have to replace them. Possibly the breastplate. It started raining before dark." He sighed, having no idea where he was going to get that money from.

They helped Fenris to shift towards Leandra and she examined the back of the tunic carefully. "There is a seam back here that I could rip out fairly quickly. And whatever shrank on your leathers, I can sew in gussets for you."

Fenris blinked in surprise. "That would be most kind of you."

Leandra patted him on the knee and stood. "I'll be right back. My sewing kit is in my room."

Once again Leandra passed someone coming in as she was going out. Orana had gotten Fenris's water mug from the fireplace and thoughtfully put the tea in it, as it would be much easier for him to handle than Marian's mother's china. She dipped a shallow curtsey when she reached them. "Messere Fenris, the tea is ready and I brought you some. I know my hands shake when I get too cold, so I thought yours might too and so I put the tea in this mug. I have not put cream or sugar in it, or lemon and honey, but if you want either it would be my pleasure to add it for you." She held the tea out for him to take, but his hands weren't working yet, though he was looking at the mug like it held ambrosia from the gods in it.

Hawke smiled and took the mug, "Fenris is still having problems working his hands and arms from carrying the dog. But you can tell he's eager to have the tea. Thank you, Orana."

Fenris shook his head, "I apologize for my distraction. Yes, thank you for the tea, Orana. I take it black, so it's just what I wanted. Thank you."

Orana smiled and curtseyed again. "You are welcome, messere Fenris. I hope that you feel better very soon."

Hawke shifted, having just thought of something. "Fenris, would you mind if I left Orana here long enough to make sure you don't fall over while I slide the dog back in front of the fireplace?"

"Not a problem." Hawke gave him a drink of the tea first. He took about half the mug, leaned back and closed his eyes. She left the mug with Orana again, and moved the dog back to the fire with her leg to the inside where Anders could work on it.

Orana was shy, but managed to ask, "Would you care for more tea? If you finish the mug I can bring you a fresh one."

Fenris thanked her, "Yes, please. It has been a long day without enough to drink."

Orana held the mug for him as if she had done it for someone else before and when Hawke returned she promised to bring back a fresh one immediately.

Anders arrived as Leandra was ripping the stitches out of the back of Fenris's tunic. He bypassed the dog and went straight for Fenris, who shook his head, "The mabari in front of the fireplace is your patient, not me."

Anders tilted his head. "Well, that's unusual. Before I go look at her, tell me what happened, the time frame, how she was hurt, that sort of thing." They both saw Merrill and Bodhan enter the house. Merrill apparently kept all her prepared herbs packed in a basket with the things she needed to mix them and had been ready to leave much more quickly than Anders, who had to pack for each individual patient. She stripped off her cloak and came straight over. Bodhan hustled Grunt to the kitchen so he wouldn't be disruptive.

Fenris nodded. "Yesterday... no, day before yesterday now, I went RUNNING in the morning." The emphasis on running was not lost on Anders, who nodded. "By early evening I had made it well inside the border of Tantervale. I followed a smoke trail a short way away from my usual camping spot and found a campsite. A wealthy family that had been brutally slaughtered, then burned, even the very young children. Her mate had been stabbed and burned. The horses stolen. The coach and coachman burned."

Leandra finished the stitch ripping and separated the pieces to past his shoulders so she could immediately dry his back. Then she began to remove the tunic by pulling carefully on the cuffs of his sleeves and easing each side of the tunic forward. Fenris's arms were still drawn up by his chest like an old man with the palsy. He was careful, though, to stay where no one but Leandra could see his back. The little gasp she'd given at the brutal whip scarring on his back, then the sympathetic squeeze was more than enough pity. He did his best to ignore the rest of her tunic removal process.

"I found her on the other side of the loop, the way these dunes have often two entrances. She was caught in a rusty bear trap. She had pulled heavily on the wound, which includes a fracture. But she is heavily pregnant and could not reach it to chew at it. We worked out a way to communicate which I can't demonstrate at the moment. I offered to let her die painlessly with her family, or take her to help so she could live. She wanted to die, but she chose to live for her unborn babies. She indicated she had only been in the trap a few hours. I looted the luggage for clean shirts and cloth baby diapers and bandaged the wound as I freed her. But there was nothing there to clean the wound with and I had brought nothing of the sort with me, either, not even a healing potion."

Anders frowned. "I hope you found those sorry bastards and put an end to them."

Fenris sighed. "She asked me not to and so I didn't." The expression on everyone's faces made him add, "Believe me, I'm as surprised about it as you are. But she didn't want me to leave her. I carried her back to my camp, shared my meal with her and we slept, planning to head back to Kirkwall in easy stages since she couldn't walk. When we got up around sunrise, I went to change her bandage and found that the wound had festered overnight. Which I admit is probably my own fault, I just don't have any knowledge of the subject.

"I knew we would have to make it back to Kirkwall today and to you, Anders, if she was to have her chance to live. She seemed to feel fine until we stopped for a late afternoon lunch and private needs break. Then she was listless, her skin felt hot and she wouldn't eat. She drank a little. Seeing that we were about to enter the storm, I draped my breastplate over her to protect the leg from as much rain as I could. At the last break I took, ten miles outside of Kirkwall, I could not wake her though her breathing was solid. I changed the bandage on her leg because the swelling had increased dramatically. There has been no change since we've been here."

Leandra took advantage of the pause in his speaking to dry his arms and front quickly and slip the shirt on him, which was much easier than removing the wet leather tunic had been. It had now joined the pile in the foyer. Fenris had the same reaction to the shirt as the pants and couldn't hold back a sigh of relief. He looked at Leandra gratefully and said to her quietly. "Thank you for all your help. These are the most comfortable, soft clothes I have ever worn. They have instantly spoiled me. If you'll tell me where Hawke bought them, I would buy every pair I could find."

Leandra managed to look touched, proud and a bit sad for him all at once. "I made them for her. I'll be happy to make you as many as you want."

Fenris shook his head. "I wouldn't put you to the trouble. If you'll tell me the material I can have some made."

Leandra shook her own head back at him. "I love to sew, Fenris, and I loved taking care of my family. There are few chances for me to do either anymore. It would be a pleasure to repair your armor and make these for you."

Fenris looked for pity in her face and did not find it. Only sincerity. So he bowed his head to her as formally as he could. "I would be honored."

At the same time, Hawke had been speaking to Anders and Merrill, "I didn't look at the wound, but I did pull back the bandage a bit. I knew I didn't have the skill to treat her and Fenris has been in agony since he got here, having carried her that unbelievable distance in one day. The muscle relaxant I put on the list is for him. I've given him two healing potions, been warming him in front of the fire, used the little bit of healing I have on him along with some heat. Virtually every bit of muscle or connective tissue in his arms is torn or strained to the limit. Mother says his legs are in similar condition. Orana has kept him supplied with warm water and hot tea. It seems to help. There is a large pot of water boiling on the stove in case it is needed."

Anders jaw was half dropped and Merrill had tears in her eyes. Fenris, who had returned his attention to the mages in time to catch the last, rolled his and thought to himself 'here it comes'.

"That's incredible. Fifty miles?! In this squall? Do you know how much she has to weigh!?"

"I was the one carrying her, Anders, I do have some idea. I'll be fine. Please. Help her." The room was silent for a minute as Hawke, Merrill and Anders contemplated Fenris both calling him by name and saying please.

Anders was the first to get himself back together. "Right. Yes." He threw a small vial to Hawke. "It's the relaxant you asked for. I suggest, Fenris, that you move where you want to be now, if you can, and then take it. It tastes foul, so follow it up with tea. It's potent and fast working."

Fenris struggled to his feet with Hawke's help. "Potent will be a pleasure." The two walked slowly back towards the fireplace. "Hawke, I would not want to be in the way, but I believe I should sit by her head. I'm the only one here that she knows, plus I'm still freezing cold." Fenris wished he had the ability to reach out and stroke the dog's head, even if she wouldn't be aware of it.

Hawke nodded. "Merrill, would you mind grabbing one of the sofa cushions. Actually, grab both of them, I'd like to observe." Hawke stuck the potion in her pocket.

"Of course, Hawke." Merrill, seeming to know exactly what Hawke had in mind, put the cushions together as if they were still on the couch with a wink. Where Fenris would be in front of the dog's head if she opened her eyes and Hawke would be slightly behind him, but still able to see. If she planned to sit long, which she did not. The hearth was to Fenris's left and his tea sat there. Hawke would still have to help him with it, but the warmth from the fireplace was pure bliss. Hawke helped him down to the cushion, made sure he wasn't going to fall over and then said she would be right back. She was going to stoke the fire and add some wood.

Someone draped a blanket around him and he was too tired to look up and see who it was. But it must have been Merrill, because she appeared immediately afterward and crouched beside him. "Fenris, this was such a caring, kind IMPOSSIBLE thing you did. I know it won't mean anything to you, but I'm proud of what you did today."

Fenris was silent for a moment and then looked at her directly. "Thank you, Merrill. It ... I appreciate that, though I have always treated you badly, you came up here in the middle of the night to help ME. I will still hate your use of blood magic, but... in the future I will do my best to treat you as a teammate should be treated."

He was startled when tears started running down her face. "I think that's the first time you have used my name in all these years. Thank you, Fenris. But don't worry, teammates are allowed to argue time to time." Fenris actually smiled at her. Merrill couldn't believe it. Of course, he appeared now to be half asleep, but still, maybe he would remember and stand by it. "Once I heard your tale, I mixed a few of the herbs I brought with me together into something that will help you. It won't react with the muscle relaxant. It's not magic, just herbology. It will naturally stimulate the healing of the tissues in your muscles. Hawke said that there was tearing and heavy strain in the muscles of your arms; well, of course after the day you had. It would dissolve easily in your tea and all you would taste is cinnamon. I'll understand if you don't want to take it."

He cocked his head thoughtfully. "The muscle relaxant is supposed to taste terrible. I'm sure the cinnamon will make that more tolerable. I'm afraid you will have to put it in the tea yourself though, as I still can't move my arms." He sighed.

Merrill smiled even brighter. "I would be happy to do that for you. Thank you for trusting me." She took his cup, poured the powder into his tea directly from the mortar and pestle she had used to crush the herbs. Knowing Hawke still had the muscle relaxant, she set the tea back down. "If the taste is acceptable, I will make up enough of it to mix with something once a day for two weeks. Let me know if you need anything else."

"Actually, if you wouldn't mind... she picked up some remembrances of her family and they are in my pack. I'm sure they are drenched, would you rescue them? There are three children's toys, that's all."

She gave him a watery smile. "Of course." She brought them to the hearth next to him and placed them there in what seemed to be the order of what was most soaked. "There."

He nodded his thanks. It was all he energy left to do. And they hadn't even started treating the dog yet. Just as he was about to push for immediate action, Leandra went into the kitchen and the three mages came over to the fireplace. Anders and Merrill both grabbed their boxes of tricks. Orana came out of the kitchen with a stack of bowls of various size and Bodhan carried a small bucket of the boiled hot water with the remark, "And plenty more where that came from." Hawke gathered the towels and washcloths her mother had lofted over the balcony and stacked them between Merrill and Anders. Bowls and water bucket just behind them.

Hawke spoke to Fenris as she took the potion out of her pocket and sat down next to him. "I assume you would prefer to wait just a bit longer to take this so you will be awake to see how things go?"

Fenris nodded. "Please."

Anders pulled the blanket off and they began. He pulled out his bandage scissors and began cutting off her bandage. Fenris stopped him. "I put straight pieces of metal on either side of her leg to support the fracture. They started out centered, but it's been a long day."

Anders gave him an understanding smile. "I imagine it has. Fortunately, it was a very lazy day yesterday for me and I'm well rested." He had shifted his bandage scissors to the side and ran into difficulties getting it to cut. Then he remembered Fenris had said he'd used cloth diapers. "Hawke, I need a pair of real scissors if you don't mind."

Hawke went to her writing desk and retrieved her sharpest pair. "Will these do?"

"Nicely, thanks." Anders took a deep breath. "Okay, here we go again." As he cut the bandage carefully, he filled them in on what he was doing. "I am, of course, more concerned about her being unconscious than I am the leg. But since we believe the leg is the source of the infection and the infection the source of her being unconscious, I need a good look at it first. Nice wrapping job, Fenris, by the way. The metal pieces are a clever solution, we'll save those to see if we need them later. Marian, would you dip a bowl in the sterile water and put those pieces in there? Thank you." There was another pause of a few minutes before he spoke again. "And, we're through."

The smell reached everyone's nostrils. Fenris leaned forward a bit to look at the wound. "It looks much worse than it did just this morning. Isn't the speed of this deterioration unusual?"

Anders nodded. "Yes, it is. You said a rusty old bear trap left near salt water, right? Then I have dealt with this before. Her recovery may or may not be fast; honestly she may or may not keep the leg. She may even lose the litter. It depends on how she reacts to treatment. But we'll do the best we can for her, right Merrill?"

Fenris was shocked. Lose her leg? Lose her pups? He'd gotten her here as fast as he could!

Anders saw the distress Fenris was too tired to try and hide. "Fenris, the minute that trap snapped on her leg, her wound was guaranteed to give her this infection. It was in the rust. You are literally the only person on Thedas who could have gotten her from where she was to qualified help before she died from the infection alone. You did an amazing thing and we'll do the best we can for her from here, I promise."

Fenris nodded, to his surprise there was a lump in his throat and he couldn't speak.

Merrill nodded. "Anders, do you expect to be able to eliminate the open wound tonight, after you've set and mended the leg?"

Anders shook his head. "Honestly, I doubt it. I'll be working to eliminate the infection first, so we can get her conscious again. You know, to eat, drink, take medicine, etc." He drew his brows together in a concerned look. "Give birth. I hope we have a few weeks left, she'll need that time to gain back some of her strength."

Merrill reached over and set her hand on the dog's belly. "Just like their mother, they are not feeling well right now, but I believe they are in the middle of development, not the end. She's so large because... steel yourselves... I count fourteen puppies."

"Wait, what? Fourteen puppies? How am I supposed to find homes for fourteen puppies?" Fenris was stunned.

Hawke grinned a bit behind his back. His eyes were as wide as saucers over that news. "Relax Fenris, you'll have help when the time comes. And remember, Mabari choose their owner themselves, they imprint on them. But we have to get them here first, right? So let's not borrow trouble."

Fenris nodded rapidly and repeatedly, still stunned. "Right. You're right. Not borrowing trouble." He was completely unaware of how adorable the women in the group thought he was (including Leandra watching from the couch).

Anders grinned because Fenris looked as floored as every first time father he'd ever told that his wife was pregnant. Half-frozen Fenris was a lot easier to get along with than regular Fenris. "You know what Varric will do when he hears about it. The tale will become how you bravely rescued fifteen full grown mabari from a dragon and pulled them all the way back to Kirkwall yourself after you repaired the coach."

The others all chuckled but Fenris managed only a stunned, "Of course, right."

Merrill got them back on track. "I can prepare a poultice to wrap up in the wound if you think that would help. I defer to you here, Anders.

"Hmmm. I say yes, but let's wait and see how the infection responds to my treatment first to determine what you mix. Now, ladies and gentlemen, Merrill and I have to clean out the wound VERY well and do a little, er, trimming away of dead flesh. So the squeamish should look away for the next few minutes."

There were a lot of grins at the thought that any of them might be squeamish.

Anders supported the dog's broken leg from both sides and let Merrill's much smaller hands do the cleaning. The dog actually whimpered a bit during the rougher scrubbing parts. "That's an excellent sign!" Anders and Merrill said almost at the same time. Blood dripped rapidly when the trimming began, which Anders said was also an excellent sign. Merrill was concentrating too closely to agree. When the leg was rinsed and trimmed, Anders grabbed a magnifying glass out of his bag and looked closely at the break from as many angles as he could manage, even from the bottom. It had separated and splintered and there had been bits of bone in the wound that they'd picked out.

He spoke quietly to Merrill. "I think our best bet for saving her leg is to set the bone by hand tonight as close as we can get it. I'll work on it next if I can get all of the infection gone tonight. Thoughts?"

Merrill nodded. "I agree, but treat the infection first then let's wait to set the leg in case you have the strength to mend it once we set it. Then we won't have to set it twice. Oh, and don't forget the puppies."

Anders nodded his head. "Good point. Okay. I'm going in." He closed his eyes and took a few calm meditative breaths. His hands glowed blue with healing energy and he opened his eyes and lowered those hands to the dog.

Fenris had never understood this part of magic, where things happened beneath the skin that no one could see, simply at the whim of someone born with the ability who would most likely not be strong enough to handle it or moral enough to handle it responsibly. He waited anxiously, watching every pass of Anders' hands.

After a few more minutes, Anders stopped with the light show. He sat quietly for a few minutes, head bowed, shoulders slumped, elbows on his legs. Soon he sat up and smiled at them all. "Excellent news. The infection cleared out easily. The shock of the injury, the grief she is suffering at the moment let it set in rapidly, but it didn't have much of a toe hold, not even in the little ones. Somebody toss me my lyrium potion and let's get that bone set and mended before she wakes up."

At those words, Leandra disappeared into the kitchen, but no one noticed.

Hawke gave Anders the requested potion, which he drank and then exclaimed 'blech' before handing the bottle back. He then smiled at Fenris and said, "Never fear, yours tastes much, much worse."

Fenris was drowsy and warm enough at this point that he could only mutter "Delightful" in response. His arms had relaxed some more, but not much.

Anders wasted no time getting back to work on the dog's leg. This time it was Merrill's hands supporting the leg from both ends and Hawke holding the magnifying glass while Anders carefully fitted the fracture together to the best of his mundane ability. He closed his eyes and let the energy flow through him while he held the bones in place.

Fenris could see the break disappear right before his eyes. This was the part of magic that he involuntarily found amazing. Seeing it used to repair rather than destroy.

Anders spent a few more minutes fortifying the bone around the break and then drew back. He waved Hawke away. "I'll have to come back later tonight and work on the tear, stopping the bleeding was all I had left in me. Can you get us some fresh sterile water?" Merrill and Anders had both tossed each dirty implement into that bucket as they finished.

Hawke grabbed the bucket and took it to the kitchen herself.

Anders spoke quietly while he folded the bloody section of towel back on itself so the leg would lie on the towel below, still a clean surface. "This is important to you Fenris, I know, but she will be able to walk carefully now. Which is good because frankly you are NOT going to be able to pick her up tomorrow."

Anders words surprised him. They were not antagonistic at all. So he was careful in his own reply. "Thank you, Anders. Because I don't think I will be picking up my own TOAST tomorrow at breakfast, much less the dog."

He chuckled. "Probably not, no," Anders replied. "But after you have taken the relaxer and gone to sleep, there are some techniques I can teach Hawke to help you along and I know Merrill had a supplement for you that should help. Speaking of which, Merrill, let's talk poultice."

Fenris tuned out the conversation that he wasn't really following anyway, merely watching as Anders and Merrill seemed to grab things at random from her basket and toss them into her mortar, ready to crush with her pestle. The dog began twitching in what had become sleep rather than a state of illness. They weren't ready for her to waken so Fenris leaned forward as far as he could without risking falling over, and spoke to her in a low whisper. "Not yet, little girl. But you're safe now. Just sleep." To his surprise, she relaxed and even snored after a minute.

Marian came back with a new bucket of hot water. Anders was glad to see it was a different bucket. Smart woman. He was also pleased to see the dog snoring. "Ah, sleep. Just what she needs. She'll be fine, Fenris."

Fenris nodded slowly. "Thank you all."

Anders looked up at Marian. Merrill would be a few more minutes mixing the poultice up. "That's probably all there is for Fenris to see, unless he really wants to watch us pack the leg and wrap it again. He should take that potion now so he can sleep without pain. Is that alright, Fenris?"

He nodded as he knew he would not stay awake much longer. Marian helped him move towards the join of the two cushions and he was too tired to ask why. She opened the vial and lifted the potion to his lips. He drank it down as fast as possible and then made the most awful face that ever was made on the face of Thedas.

"Anders! This is literally the worst thing I have ever tasted! Venhedis, you're lucky I owe you one. Where's that tea?"

Marian held it up for him quickly and he drained the mug. Fenris's arms were relaxing down into his lap while he drank, but he was too tired to notice.

"Ahhh. Cinnamon. Merrill, it tastes good. You should teach Anders how to make potions that taste better." A side effect of the muscle relaxer which Anders had declined to share was that the patient tended to ramble nonsensically until they fell asleep. Fenris handled it better than most, but they all still smiled at him.

Anders and Merrill got to work quickly, putting a little sterile water and Merrill's mixture into a bowl. Anders took over mixing it with his hands and asked Marian to find a cloth to wrap around the poultice and then start tearing up some bandages. Merrill plunked a lot more herbs into her mortar and started crushing them into a powder again.

When the poultice was ready, so was Marian. She carefully held up the leg, supporting it under the tear with the hand that held the cloth so none of the poultice would be wasted. Anders worked fast, spreading it all into the wound, making sure there was no part of raw skin that was uncovered. Then he set the bowl down, wiped his hands on a towel and picked up a bandage strip. Together he and Marian held the cloth closed over the tear, began wrapping it up and had it nicely tied up in no time. He had even used the straight metal pieces that Fenris had started with to help support the leg. Anders felt the break was now solidly repaired, but he wanted to avoid the risk of damage until he could fortify it again tomorrow. He was soon finished and laid the leg back down on the pallet to let her wake on her own.

Anders grinned at Hawke and then at Merrill and then at Fenris. "Excellent job everyone. She may be sore and weak for a few days, but I'll come back... Oh, hey, breakfast!" Anders looked at Hawke. "Your mother has the best timing ever."

Hawke grinned. "I know." She stood up and grabbed up all the things they'd used that would need to be sterilized or laundered or trashed. She also shut the front door that had blown open sometime or other during the rain. "Oh, hey, sunlight!"

While everyone else was looking at Leandra and Orana bringing in more tea and a breakfast spread to make an Orlesian envious, Fenris was watching the dog. He saw her tense as she became awake enough to know she didn't recognize the voices or the smells around her. Quietly he spoke to her, too low for anyone but her to hear and he could see the tension leaving her body. "We made it to Kirkwall, as you can see. Believe it or not, my friends have healed your infection and the broken leg. They'll heal the torn flesh tomorrow; there is some sort of herbal concoction on it until then."

She cocked her head and gave him a look that spoke to him of disbelief, then moved it and then put pressure on it and stood up. The relief and surprise on her face was easy to read.

"Good, yes? Because they have not healed my arms at all, or I would come pet you. But at least you get to fetch and carry for me until they get better." He laughed after that, fairly sure she had just given him the canine version of sticking her tongue out at him. But she came over to him after that to lick his chin and lean on him lightly. He managed to get his fingers to move a little bit but all he could reach was her nose until she moved so he could scratch her neck. "Worried about me jabbing out your eyeballs, eh?"

No.

"Liar."

She licked his chin again.

Hawke came over at that moment with a big grin and a bowl of a whole shredded chicken and chicken broth her mother had gotten Orana to make over the last few hours. Her mother sure knew the mabari appetite and knew this little girl would be hungry after her ordeal. The tail started wagging rapidly as soon as the smell hit her.

Merrill darted over and dropped the mixture that she had just ground up for the dog into the chicken. She noticed the dog looking and knelt to her level. "I ground up some herbs, lethallan, that would help you rest without pain and help fight off normal infection until we have a chance to close that wound tonight." The dog leaned her forehead into Merrill's chest in thanks and got an ear scratch in return. Fenris noticed and thought maybe Merrill would be a good placement for the dog. She could certainly use the protection.

Fenris looked up as he saw the shadow of Marian over him. "Ah, Marian. This is the dog you all worked so hard to save. Dog, this is Marian. I am going to sleep soon, but she can later explain to you what happened after we got here and what they did for you. Oh and that your pups that are going to be just fine. Marian... left fist no, right fist yes. Or she'll choose from two options if you show her which fist means which choice."

Marian seemed startled. "Really? That's amazing. I've never tried anything like that with Grunt."

Fenris yawned hugely, too tired to be embarrassed about it either. "Here, I'll start you off with an example. Touch Marian if you want your breakfast. Touch me if you would rather step outside first." She touched Marian, so Marian put the bowl on the floor and she tried so hard to eat politely but she was so hungry. She didn't make a mess, but she belched afterwards and Fenris chuckled at her. "How unladylike of you." He shook his head at himself. "I'm sorry, I don't recall ever being this tired before. Can someone help me to my mansion?"

Marian shook her head. "That would be no. You're staying here in front of a fire that will be tended all day, not left to go out while you sleep. You still aren't warm enough."

"Normally that sort of autocratic ruling would irritate the hell out of me, My Lady, but honestly I'm too tired to argue."

"I know," she said with an innocent smile. "Isn't it wonderful?" She helped him lay down on the cushions, helping him stretch out his legs. She grabbed a bed pillow that her mother had thoughtfully brought down with the warm clothes. It was her favorite pillow and she knew it would have her smell on it. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. Her mother. Subtle, much?

She turned to the dog who had just finished licking the bowl. "Let me show you the doggie door so when you decide you need to go, you can. The backyard is fenced, please respect those boundaries. Trust me, you'll get plenty of running around free, just not in this neighborhood. Anyway, it's a mabari sized door and I'll introduce you to Grunt as we go through the kitchen so he'll share the water fountain. We really have to come up with a name for you. Fenris, I'll be back in a tic." She reached down and picked up the empty bowl.

"I'll just be sitting laying here, twiddling my thumbs." He smiled when he could hear that she laughed all the way to the kitchen.

Marian was either back quickly or he had dozed off waiting because it seemed as if she had never left. She spoke quietly as she crouched by Fenris. "Do you want to eat a little something before you go to sleep?"

He shook his head, "It smells wonderful but I can't keep my eyes open."

She smiled gently. "Alright." She went to the stairwell again and grabbed three more blankets. She covered him with two of them, then grabbed the dirty towels off the pallet she had made for the dog and covered it with the third. Fenris was already asleep. She pulled the pallet over until it lay next to him.

As Marian started to sit back down to breakfast, the young mother came back in from her morning ablutions. She had also investigated the yard while having a meet and greet with Grunt, who was a gentleman and told her he was very sorry to hear of her loss. They entered the living room together, Grunt going through first and holding the door for her, not that the humans would ever notice that.

She looked to the sofa cushions where she had left Fenris and wagged her twisted little tail when she saw him sleeping. Marian knelt by her in the next moment and held her hands out. "Do I need to help you support your leg while you lie down next to him?"

Yes. Marian, too, received a head in her chest for her trouble and returned it with a stroke or two down the neck.

Marian smiled at her and helped her lay down. "Sleep well." She left them to their slumber and her to her breakfast, after playing with the fire and adding another few smaller logs to it.

The group watched the pair at the fireplace when the mabari shifted so she could lay her head on Fenris's stomach and he somehow managed to lift his hand to her neck in response.

Anders started chuckling and got questioning glances from everyone. "Fenris has no idea what just happened to him, does he?"

Marian smiled and hugged Grunt around the neck while he sat beside her chair. "No, he really doesn't. Somebody pass me the cinnamon rolls."

AN: Okay, am I right and this works better? If you preferred the older version, let me know and I'll put it back up.


	6. Laid Low

6.

Yay, even more author's notes. Sorry this is so short, but it felt finished. And sorry for the length between updates, but sometimes I'm forging ahead on this one and other times I'm forging ahead on A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Fade Rift.

Thank you, P.A.A.D. for your reviews on my story.

Fenris said and did some out of character things last chapter because he was exhausted beyond all endurance, hypothermic, in terrible pain and unable to do things for himself. But his suffering isn't over yet...

6.

Laid Low

The first thing Fenris remembered after lying down on the sofa cushions was Marian shaking him awake and helping Bodhan help him to the privy. Then there was a very vague memory of sitting at the dinner table, being fed like a child because he still couldn't move his arms enough to eat and even if he could have his hands shook badly. He could remember being helped to the guest bedroom just off the hall after and being given another dose of the horrible muscle relaxant, something else he couldn't identify and tea with Merrill's cinnamon powder in it. He was tucked in, again like a child, the fire built up and for some reason a vision of Marian on her knees thanking the dog for finding Fenris when it had been the other way around. He felt the bed shift when the dog jumped up to lie down next to him and then there was nothing until he woke the next day.

It was the smell of breakfast that woke him, but Fenris realized he still felt as if a high dragon had walked over and sat down on him for a while. His vision was blurry when he opened his eyes, though that improved with rubbing them even though doing it hurt his arms terribly. He was sweating under all the bedcovers and it seemed like the fire in the fireplace was much too hot for the room he was in, even with its open door. But he was hungry and knew he'd been still for far too long. It was past time for him to get up, he said to himself sternly, because sore muscles healed faster if they were kept moving. He wanted to go back to his mansion and knew he had to have worn out his welcome here anyway.

Fenris bit back a groan as he pulled back the bedcovers. He swore under his breath when he moved his legs to the side of the bed and over it, letting gravity give him some leverage to help him sit up. That whole plan fell apart when he tried to use the muscles in his torso and the arm under him to push himself to a sitting position. The pain was awful but the real problem was that they just wouldn't support him. How badly had he injured himself carrying that dog back from the coast?

Speaking of the dog, she must have heard him moving around because she trotted into the room and jumped on the bed at that moment. Obviously she'd been healed while he was asleep as there was no bandage on her leg and no wound, not even a scar. She immediately licked him in the face and there was nothing he could do about it but ask her to stop. His hand twitched on top of the covers; once again he wished he could pet her head. She looked him in the eye for a minute and foolish as it sounded to him it seemed she knew exactly what he wanted and couldn't accomplish on his own: to get up out of bed.

The dog backed away from him a few steps, dropped to her elbows with her butt in the air and her tail wagging madly. She stuck her nose under his hand. He managed to scritch her head with his fingers, but instead of stopping to enjoy it, she kept pushing until his hand rested right over her collar. He petted her neck. She glared at him and looked at his other hand, which happened to be his 'no' hand. She backed up until his fingers dragged across her collar and fell off the other side. The dog sighed and pushed forward again, until his hand passed over her collar again, this time the fingers having been pushed more into a fist.

For a moment they just sat there. Fenris didn't catch on until she gave a low 'woof' and wiggled her neck a little. Suddenly he was glad she was a dog, because he blushed at having been so slow to figure out her idea. "Right, sorry." His voice was gravelly and drowsy sounding even to his own ears and it hurt his throat to talk. He curled the fingers of his hand around her collar as best he could. The dog lifted her eyes to his and he nodded. "If this works, I'll make sure Varric's tale has you rescuing me instead of the other way around."

Slowly and carefully she began to pull, testing his strength gently at first to see if he could manage to hold on. When it seemed he could keep that fist around her collar, she stood up and backed up at the same time. The next thing Fenris knew, he was sitting. He let go of her collar, wobbled a bit and she immediately moved to sit at his side so he could wrap his arm around her. He was amazed at how damned CLEVER she was.

Fenris was experiencing a little dizziness, but other than that and the pain and being too hot it felt great just to be sitting. It also had been a lot more work than he'd expected, even with her help. Fenris looked her in the face and ran his arm up and down her side as much as he could. "Thank you. I think it would be best if we just sat here for a while. I'm a bit dizzy."

She stuck her nose into his neck and held it there, then pulled back and whined at him. Fenris shook his head a little, not understanding what she was trying to tell him. She stuck her nose into his neck again, breathed hot dog breath on him and whined at his neck, then pulled back to look at him again.

Fenris shook his head again, ignoring the fact that it increased his dizziness. "I apologize, but I can't tell what you want. My head feels funny. And my throat's hurting more."

She turned her head completely away from his head and barked twice.

Irritated, Fenris let go of her, but immediately started falling over so he grabbed on again. "What did you do that for? You'll have disturbed the household and all I wanted to do was go home." He sighed. And waited for the inevitable to occur.

Less than a minute later, Leandra appeared in the doorway. She smiled brightly at him. "Look at you, dear boy, sitting up! I hope that means you're in less pain. We were just about to sit down for breakfast, would you like to join us?"

"Actually, Lady Hawke, you've been very kind, but..." and then he coughed.

"Oh, dear. We were so hoping you would avoid this." She hurried into the room and reached for his forehead, ignoring his weak attempt to flinch. "Fenris, you are burning up with fever. Sore throat, cough. Anything else?"

"I don't know. I'll be fine once I get home." He coughed again and tried to swallow past his now raw feeling throat.

She looked down at him in amazement. "Home? Fenris, you're very ill, you need care, just like your dog did."

He shook his head and almost fell off the bed with dizziness. The only reason he didn't was his grip on the dog. "She's not my dog. And you've done enough for me, I don't want to be taken care of out of pity."

Fenris missed the look the dog gave him when he said she wasn't his. But she whined at him. He rubbed her side without conscious thought and she relaxed.

"Pity?" She knelt in front of him so he couldn't avoid her gaze. "Fenris, my daughter has told me nothing of your past, though looking at your back the other night, I can guess a great deal. But you have saved my Marian's life, brought her back to me alive I don't know how many times. She thinks I don't know what she's out there doing, how dangerous it is, but I hear the stories. And they all feature the glowing white haired warrior who throws himself in harm's way over and over to keep her safe. Whatever issues you are struggling to work out from your past, I don't pity you. I'm so grateful to you there aren't words to describe it. Did you save the dog out of pity?"

"No. I mean, I felt badly for her, but she wanted to save her pups. It was the right thing to do."

"Exactly. Even if I didn't know you, it would be the right thing to do to help you now, not pity. But this is so much more than just the right thing. Regardless of what exists between you and my daughter, I owe you a debt I can never repay. Marian is all I have left. I've lost Carver and Bethany, my husband, my home. Let me take care of you now so you can keep bringing her home to me, please."

Fenris wiped his eyes, overwhelmed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"You're just not used to being sick, that's all it is. Not weakness. But high fever. You'll probably forget we even had this conversation by the time you're well again. Now, I'm going to stand back up and touch my lips to your forehead. It's an old mother's trick to see how bad the fever is, alright?"

Fenris nodded carefully. "Alright." He was practically croaking now.

Strangely, having her lips pressed to his forehead brought a lump to his throat. "It's quite high, but you are sweating already so that means this one is coming back down. Are you hungry?"

"Yes, my lady," he whispered.

"Good. I think you can safely eat breakfast with us this morning if you feel like it. I have a feeling you won't be able to keep much down soon enough."

Fenris sighed. "I shouldn't have brought this trouble to your house, I'm apologize." His smooth, dark voice was barely recognizable.

Leandra shook her head. "Nonsense. But as many times as you say such things, we'll keep telling you it's nonsense. Won't we dear?"

Marian laughed. "Mother, I don't know how you always know I'm standing in a doorway when you're back is turned to me."

"It's because mothers grow eyes in the back of their heads, love. You know that already. Help me lead Fenris to the table, will you? I have a feeling he's fairly wobbly right now."

"My pleasure." Marian walked to the bed and slid herself under Fenris's arm so the dog could scoot over. Before she could jump off the bed, Marian put a hand on her back and whispered "Don't worry. He already wants you, he just doesn't think he deserves you yet. Give him some time. Trust me, I know all about giving him time."

A.N. - You know, it just occurred to me that both the romantic heroes in my two stories are in bed, sick or injured. It probably says something about me personally, but I would have no idea what.


	7. Giving In Gracefully

7.

Giving In Gracefully

I have no author's notes whatsoever. Except to note that I am aware Fenris is still a little too easy going, even though he's sick. Getting a dog does change my mood that way though, semi-permanently.

7.

Giving In Gracefully

Even though Fenris ached throughout his body, he was walking better than he had the day before. Which he thought was strange. He didn't realize that he had spoken that thought aloud until Leandra replied to him.

"I think a lot of what you are feeling right now is body aches and weakness from having the fever more than from the injury, because now you are genuinely sick. You still had some healing to do from being injured carrying Faith here, but last night Anders was satisfied that they were well on the mend."

"Faith?"

It was Marian who spoke up next. "Well, we had to call her something, didn't we. Couldn't just keep running around calling her 'dog' all the time. We all threw some possibilities at her and she liked Faith. She wanted to make sure you liked it before she officially adopted it though."

"She did?" Fenris wondered how she had managed to convey that.

Marian sighed. "I'm embarrassed to admit that she seems to be quite a bit more intelligent than Grunt, who I will love forever anyway. She made it clear through trotting to your bedside every time we asked if she wanted to take the name that you had final say."

"But she's not my dog. I just wanted to save her." Fenris was feeling kind of down about that though, that she would soon be moving to another family. That he wouldn't get to see her have and raise her pups.

"Really, Fenris. You believed the old stories about the Mabari leaving Tevinter for Ferelden because of the magisters and slavery there. Why would you choose to forget that they imprint on their chosen owner and no one after that will do?" Marian gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was running such a high fever.

They had reached the breakfast table by that point and the women helped him into the chair between them in case he needed help with anything. Orana and Bodhan were just beginning to carry in platters of food, with Sandal simply following them back and forth.

But it did not distract Fenris, even though he was hungry. "Why on earth would she choose me? You did not see the carriage. The scattered clothing. She lived the kind of life you do here and I can't give her that. Even the medallion on her collar is solid gold, I think. I can't give her that life. I would never be able to give her that life."

Leandra cocked her head at him. "And you think a dog truly cares for those things, my friend? Our Grunt lived with us for a fair few years in a small hand built home with a dirt floor, in the middle of a lot of farmland. You think he prefers this home to the freedom of being able to run around, chase rabbits, play with my children? No, he stays with us where ever we go because he chose US, not our lifestyle."

Marian spoke up next. "She knows the heart of you, Fenris. You saved her life when it would have been easier to end it. You stayed with her when she needed you when you would rather go punish the bandits that killed her family. She knows you exhausted and injured yourself to get her here in time to save her life and that you are still feeling the consequences of it. We see you pet her and comfort her every chance you get. She can't bear to be away from you. In a new home with all new people after such trauma, most dogs would sleep beside Grunt in front of the fireplace where he warms his old bones, but she presses up against you like someone might take you away from her in the night. And in return you wrap your arm around her to keep her close. She even got between Anders and your bedside yesterday when he came to check up on you. I had to promise her that he wasn't sneaking in to wake you up or hurt you, that he was just checking to see you were healing properly. Short of having her family and her mate returned to her there is no one in Thedas she wants to be with more than you. You're her person, whether you can come to accept her as your dog or not."

Partly sore throat, partly emotional lump, Fenris choked out, "I've never been responsible for anyone but myself before. And I'm not even very good at that. I wouldn't know the first thing about taking care of a dog."

Leandra laughed. "I'll wager she'll know how to take care of herself, her puppies and short of cooking and housework she'll take care of you, too."

Fenris smiled and wiped his eyes while everyone pretended they didn't notice. Being sick was making him an emotional wreck and he hated that feeling of vulnerability and lack of control. He jumped when he felt a nose in his lap, but when he realized it was the do... Faith, he ran a shaking hand across her head. She looked up at the table and nudged the napkin wrapped around the silverware, a reminder for him that it was breakfast time and he needed to eat because he was sick. He petted her again and she laid down behind his chair, apparently planning to refuse to let him up again unless he'd eaten to her satisfaction.

He gave Marian a resigned smile. "She's not going to give me a choice in the matter, is she?"

The return smile he received was much brighter. "No, she's not. And I couldn't be happier for you. I think you are each just what the other needs."

Suddenly Fenris dropped his forehead into his hand. "Fourteen puppies. Venehedis Fastavass."

Leandra looked up at him. "No swearing at the table, Fenris, even in another language."

He sighed. "Yes, ma'am."

Leandra set a plate in front of him that was mostly full of cut fresh fruit (Marian had been talking about his eating habits apparently) with smaller side portions of scrambled egg and two homemade biscuits. A glass of juice appeared, set to his left by Marian's hand.

Orana brought in another wooden ale mug just at that moment. "I brought you some more tea, Messere Fenris. It's quite hot and I remember you take it black but I put honey and lemon in it because they said you have a sore throat. It's also got Merrill's cinnamon mixture for you. When you're well again, I'll stop bringing you tea in the ale mug, I promise."

But Fenris smiled at her. "Thank you, Orana. It is much appreciated no matter how you serve it to me."

And with those words, Leandra's prayer to the Maker and Bodhan's thanks to the Ancestors, breakfast was served to the most unlikely combination of people ever in Hightown.

After breakfast, Fenris felt better. At first, using his hands had been difficult and clumsy but matters had improved quickly and he'd managed not to make any big messes. He was a little sleepy, but not ready to return to bed. Since he was cool at the moment and not running a fever, Marian suggested they go together to the library and that she read to him for a while. He readily agreed and after a side trip to the privy with Bodhan, he walked into the library mostly under his own steam.

When he got there, Marian was standing at one of the shelves, looking over the selection. She turned a bit to smile at him as he sat down on the couch. "Mind if I pick something a bit frivolous today? Since you aren't feeling well."

He was immediately suspicious. "Such as?"

"I'm sure we can agree to nothing by Isabela."

"Actually, I've been meaning to read her debut. Did she send you a copy?"

Marian turned to him in complete surprise. "Really?!"

He smiled at her, enjoying this rare chance to catch her off guard. "No. Of course not."

She laughed heartily. "You had me worried about what kind of entertaining reading you were expecting in here. Guess all I have to do to get you cracking jokes now is give you the flu, eh?"

"I would prefer that in future you simply resign yourself to me having my normal sunny personality most of the time."

She smiled. "Happily. And it's our secret that you made two really funny jokes in a row. I won't even tell Varric."

He nodded graciously. "Appreciated."

"Okay, we really have to pick a book. Varric's Hard in Hightown series is actually entertaining."

"If you tell him, I'll deny I said it but I have started reading the series. I find it entertaining, but it is also something I can practice with easily on my own, because so many places are familiar to me and the language is fairly simple." Fenris was a little embarrassed mentioning it, as if Marian had walked in on him reading one of Isabela's books after all.

Marian chuckled. "It's not something to be embarrassed about. It's sole purpose **is **entertainment. So, we'll leave the series to you. Hmmm. I know you enjoy history, but I don't want to fall asleep reading it to you. How about _Travels of a Chantry Scholar_ by Brother Genitivi? Mother really enjoyed it. He's traveled to places most of us have only heard about. Of course, she may have enjoyed it so much because she has always wanted to travel."

"Interesting. She's been so kind to me, maybe one day soon we could take your mother somewhere she's always been especially interested in. The two of us could protect her just about anywhere. Well, as long as I didn't have the flu, I suppose."

Marian's heart melted at the thought that, whether as a friend or as her lover, Fenris would be willing to do something just to make her mother happy. Because as far as she'd been able to tell, he hated actually traveling. "She'd love that Fenris. And she would love that you even thought of doing it for her. Brother Genitivi it is." She grabbed the book and sat down next to him on the couch. He'd sat in the middle because he knew she preferred to lean against the arm of said couch.

Before they could get started, the dog trotted into the room and sat down in front of Fenris expectantly. The way she stared at him, Fenris actually became nervous. "I suppose you're here because you want to talk?"

Yes.

"You heard me at breakfast. That I worry about whether I would be good for you."

Yes.

"And you aren't worried about that?"

No.

"Are you sure you wouldn't want to find something closer to what you've lost?"

Yes.

"Is this just gratitude on your part?"

No.

"Has anyone told you about the state of my living quarters.

She nudged Marian's knee.

"And you're okay with that?" Fenris sounded surprised.

She licked his hand for what he guessed was an adamant NO.

He sighed. "You're going to make me clean up every square inch of my disaster of a house, aren't you."

She licked his Yes hand and he laughed.

"Is Marian right? Are you happy with the name Faith?"

Yes.

"Was it your name before?"

No.

"Would you rather we figure out what that is and use it?

No.

Fenris looked her in the eyes for a moment. "Because you want a fresh start and you need to have a little faith to make it. And I need to have a lot of faith to make it with you."

She met his eyes for a long time. They seemed so much wiser than a dog should be able to be. But then she licked his yes hand again. Solemnly this time, somehow.

Fenris sighed. "But there are so many people out there who would be better for you."

This time she growled low at him and took his 'no' hand in her mouth and pinched it a little with her teeth and then shook it. When she drew back, Marian could see she hadn't even left a mark.

"I'm guessing that means I'm not supposed to bring that subject up again."

She licked his hand, an adamant YES.

"Then you better help me figure out how long I have to puppy proof the house, Faith. And I'll need ALL the time you can give me." He pretended to sound unhappily resigned to his fate, but the smile breaking out on his face gave him away.

Faith's face broke out in a doggy smile; dangling tongue, panting breath and all. She carefully stood on the edge of the sofa as Fenris leaned forward. Faith draped her head over his shoulder and it took a minute due to his injuries, but Fenris wrapped his arms around her. After a minute, Faith pulled back and stepped down. She shoved her head hard against Marian's knee then walked over to the fireplace and circled around until she laid down in front of the fire. She panted happily for a moment before she put her head down for a nap.

Marian left the book in her lap and turned to give Fenris a hug. "Congratulations. You'll never regret it." She kissed him on the cheek and let him go.

"What was that nudge on your knee about when she left?" That had confused Fenris.

Marian blushed. She actually blushed. "I, uh." She took a deep breath and let it out in a rush while she rapidly spoke. "I told her she just needed to give you some time, to not rush or push you. That I was an expert on giving you time."

Fenris was not sure how he felt about them having discussed him. "And what did she have to say on the subject."

Marian looked away to the bookshelf and blushed even darker (an interesting shade that was nearly apple red). "That all I had to do was lick you on the face enough and you'd come around."

Fenris sat in stunned silence for a moment and then started laughing and couldn't stop, even when his voice gave out on him again. He started coughing and then couldn't stop that either. Orana heard it and brought him some tea with lemon and honey and it helped.

Marian rolled her eyes. "Your fever must be going up again." Which made Fenris laugh again. Marian reached for his forehead and he leaned into her touch. "No, still cool."

Fenris caught her hand as it was leaving his forehead and gave it a squeeze. "I highly recommend you not try Faith's suggestion until I am over this flu. Now, were we going to find an exotic location for your mother's vacation or not?"

Marian smiled at him and began to read.

When he woke, hours later, he found that he had fallen asleep with his head on Marian's lap. She had stopped reading at some point and covered him with the throw on the back of the couch. Her arm rested on his torso and both his hands held hers. He could feel from her breathing that she had fallen asleep as well.

He looked at the fireplace and could see that Faith was gone. Fenris supposed she had gone outside to take care of her business. He looked up at Marian and decided she looked comfortable and that he himself was too comfortable to move. Moments later Fenris was asleep again.


	8. Smart Dog

8.

Smart Dog

A.N. - Short notes. Yay! For anyone worried about it, the pace will pick up soon. I'm not going to go through game events word for word, for the most part. I am somewhat worried that I am having Fenris change emotionally too quickly, but I'm trying.

8.

Smart Dog

_He was on fire. The pain of the knife cutting patterns into his skin had been nothing compared to the searing, nerve destroying burning sensation he felt as the lyrium was poured carefully into the channels that had been cut for it. His voice had given out on him long ago; he had screamed until his vocal cords could not produce sound no matter how hard he tried. Memories of his family, the one for which he had fought to win this boon, his family who were now free elves and not slaves; those memories and all others disappeared as the narrow river of lyrium streamed its way around his body. The heat... he was burning so much that it seemed he had burst into flames and would die unless he could free himself._

_Fenris broke free of one of the chains that bound him, spread eagled on a table. Once that arm was free, he struck out at Danarius, who backed away and laughed at him. "Little wolf, little wolf, fight all you want; you have nowhere to run." Hadriana laughed maniacally, tightening the cool metal strap that kept his forehead bound to the table. He reached his free arm above his head and grabbed her by the collar of her robes, pulling her over the front of his body. He punched her in the face for all he was worth, then grabbed her by the collar of her robes again and flung her has hard as he could towards the wall where she lay motionless._

_He returned his gaze to Danarius who was preparing a spell of some kind. No doubt more blood magic designed to make him compliant, a thrall to the magister. He would not allow it. With a soundless scream of agony and determination, he broke the restraints holding the rest of him down on the table and flung himself at Danarius. Landing on the floor, all he could do was crawl. Danarius had obviously cast a spell that weakened him. All he could reach was an ankle, which he grabbed with considerable strength and pulled the magister to the ground. He was attempting to crawl to up Danarius's body to choke the life out of him when he was hit with an icy deluge of cold water. His last thought was that Hadriana must have wakened._

Fenris came back to himself slowly, gasping for breath. Face down on a floor he could not identify. His body ached and despite shivering from the sudden application of cold water he still felt as if he were on fire. His head, his head ached and throbbed and trying to think was like trying to walk through a deep fog.

"Everyone just stay back and give him a minute. Stay calm. Marian, are you alright?" He knew that voice. Fenris knew that voice and knew it had never offered him anything other than kindness and good care.

"Fine. I'll be fine. Though for future reference I strongly recommend never being punched by Fenris. He's really, really good at it." Her voice sounded stuffy and muffled as if she had a cold. But Fenris also knew that voice. He knew the owner of that voice and knew that he would rather die than hurt her. Fenris still couldn't remember what was going on, but he had a feeling that he'd done just that.

"I'll be sure and take that off my list of things to do." That was a new voice, a male voice that he knew he didn't really like. The voice sounded like its owner was sitting on the ground. "Fenris. Do you remember where you are?"

Fenris found that his voice not working was quite real. He shook his head 'no', despite how it hurt his head, despite how vulnerable it made him feel, the dangerous position he'd put himself in by revealing his weakness. He needed to get to his feet again and run.

The male voice came again. "That's fine. It will come back in a moment. You were having a nightmare, Fenris, because you are running a dangerously high fever, which we need to cool you off to get down. You have the flu."

Fenris forced himself to croak out. "You lie. I am never ill."

The female with the stuffy nose spoke, sounding much closer to him than the male. "Fenris, take a moment and think. You'd gone running to Tantervale. You rescued an injured Mabari. You carried her the whole way back to Kirkwall in a day, mostly in the cold rain. She chose you. Can you remember what we named her?"

Fenris lay on the cold wet carpet, shivering and yet feeling overheated, forehead resting on his arms. He relaxed and let the images come to him. They came in a rush. Hadriana, the night with Marian, the running, the struggle to get back to Kirkwall in time. Then his illness. It HAD been a nightmare. Just a nightmare. "She chose the name Faith. I had a nightmare. Please tell me that I didn't hurt anyone; Marian, please tell me I didn't hurt you."

At that moment Faith whined and laid down in front of him. She licked him on the forehead and it felt cool. Somewhere in the back of Fenris's mind, he knew that wasn't good, because dogs were warmer than people.

Marian's voice sounded apologetic. "It's nothing serious, Fenris. Anders will make it go away in just a moment and it will be as if it never happened. It was my fault really. I got up off the couch when your fever started going up and you got restless. We sent for Anders and I had taken off your shirt and was bathing your face and chest with cool water to help the fever. When you started thrashing so badly I should have backed away but I thought being behind your head would be enough. It was my own fault."

Fenris left his head on one of his forearms and gripped Faith at her neck as if she were a lifeline for his return to sanity. "I pulled Hadriana over my head, punched her and threw her into a wall. But it was really you; I did those things to you? And I yanked Anders off his feet, not Danarius?"

Her voice was hesitant. "Well, yes, but he's not hurt and with me it was my own fault. I knew better. So don't feel guilty. When my father was ill, we all took our fair share of getting clobbered until we learned to let his nightmares pass. But mother never forgot. She's the one that threw the bucket of water on you."

"I could have killed you." His voice, though scratchy from illness, was a monotone, emotionless thing. Shock. "I need to go home. It's not safe to be around me." He let go of Faith's ruff and began to try and pull himself together so he could get up and leave.

Leandra was as good as her word. "Nonsense. Now that we know, it won't happen again. At least you can't set the coat rack on fire while you're hallucinating from fever."

Fenris shook his head again and noticed that Faith backed away from him. She must be afraid of him, too. "It's pure foolishness to let me stay here. Surely Marian has told you that I can literally rip the heart from a human body? I was quite successfully turned into a lethal weapon by a madman. You've been very kind but I refuse to endanger you further by staying longer." He'd finally made it to his knees, but he felt like he'd run several miles by doing so.

Another bucket of water hit him. He was so weak that the force of it knocked him down again. Faith came back to him immediately, she must have seen Leandra with it. "What was that for?"

"For both your nonsense and to work on bringing down your fever. Malcolm, may he be finding peace now at the Maker's side, was a force mage among all his other talents. He could have squashed any of us like bugs at any time. He could have set the house on fire. Towards the end, when he was often not lucid because of his illness, Bethany and Marian cast barriers on all of us whenever we were with him. I stayed by his side constantly and they exhausted themselves taking turns holding that barrier so I could be with him till the end." Leandra walked around to the front of him so she could look him in the face.

Fenris couldn't find the right words. "But... but I hurt your daughter, my lady, and even she won't tell me how badly. I don't want to hurt anyone else; it's not safe."

Leandra frowned and crouched down. "If Orana had brought the next bucket yet, you'd have it on you again. Anders will heal Marian and she will be fine. There is a period of learning about a person any time you have to take care of them when they are ill. My hair used to be waist length. When Bethany was twelve, she had chicken pox and set it on fire during a nightmare. If Malcolm hadn't been there, I'd probably have been badly burned. Marian launched Malcolm across the room and broke some of his ribs once when he was checking that her temperature was coming down and she woke up suddenly and scared. We all believe you need to stay here until you are well because you are ill to the point that you could die without care. We WANT you to stay here because we care about you and your health. But if you can't put down your pride and your fear and let us do something for you that needs doing and which we are quite competent at, then by all means, pick yourself up and go home. Without help from anyone."

Marian gasped at Leandra's last words, "Mother!"

But Leandra stood and left the room without another word.

Fenris reached for Faith, hoping to use her strength to help him to his knees, if not his feet. But she backed away. She gestured a 'no' and then touched the couch, as if he should go back there and rest. At least she gave him the idea to go to the couch and use it to get to his own feet. On his hands and knees he forced himself forward until he could grasp the arm of the couch. Moving those few feet had his heart pounding and his breath gasping and wheezing a bit.

After a moment's rest he pulled himself up using the arm and the back of the sofa. His head whirled and pounded with pain. Dizzy, he was very dizzy. Fenris realized he'd not be able to walk across Hightown the way he was now, but if he could just get out of the front door he could make it the rest of the way on his hands and knees. And wouldn't that just give the neighborhood something to talk about.

Marian came up next to him, "Fenris, please. My Champion, leaving could kill you. Please don't go."

He lifted his head and turned it to where he could see her face. The face with the rapidly bruising eye and the obviously broken, bloody nose. A look of horror crossed his face, knowing that he had lost control and done this to her himself. He was not safe, he had to leave. "I'm so sorry, Marian. Hurting you is all I seem to be able to do lately."

He let go of the couch and took a careful step towards the door. Then his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed on the floor, out like a light.

Anders sighed with what sounded like relief. "Well, that worked out nicely. Let's get him in the tub." They each grabbed him under an arm and dragged him to the guest bathroom on the ground floor.

Leandra was waiting at the door of the bathroom, having begun filling the tub with cool water. "Please check the temperature of the water, Anders, before you plunk him in there. I might have it too cold. I don't want to make him sicker, poor thing."

Anders did as she asked and nodded. "It's just right. I can tell you're an old hand at this sort of thing. Marian, let's get him in the water and then I'll heal you." It ended up taking all three of them to put him in the tub, as tall as he was. And they left the pants on as they'd needed them to put him in, so it was assumed they would need them to take him out if he wasn't awake by then.

After they made sure that Fenris couldn't slide under the water and drown, they stepped outside the bathroom to give Anders more room to work on Hawke. Leandra took Marian's chin in her hand for a moment and swiveled it back and forth to look at the extent of the damage. "With a punch like that during a fever dream, I have no doubt that he will keep bringing you home to me in one piece. And we're very lucky that Anders is the healer he is or you would have a hard time explaining that broken nose."

Anders smiled. "Her face is so beautiful. A slightly crooked broken nose would give her that little bit extra; a unique feature."

Leandra laughed, aware of Anders' unrequited feelings. "Nonetheless, please return her face to its original condition."

Anders did so with a smile. To Hawke, being healed always felt slightly odd, but feeling the bone shift back to where it belonged made her stomach turn. She was happy when it was over.

"Okay," Anders said, rubbing his hands together. "I don't want to leave while he's unconscious. Marian, do you want to sit with him for a bit or would you like me to do it? I think he'll wake up soon, in which case we can put more water in the tub. But for now, we should pour it on his torso and continue wiping his face with a cloth."

Marian smiled. "If you'll watch him while I get a cup and the book we were reading, then I'll take over." And she did. Faith waited with her, in an out of the way corner.

Anders had been correct, Fenris woke shortly after she started pouring water on him. His fever had not yet come down noticeably, so Anders supervised the temperature of the water added into the tub. He left, letting them know he would be in his clinic if needed again but that he figured Leandra knew exactly what to do for Fenris from here on out.

Fenris was very quiet after he woke up and found himself in the bathtub with his pants on. He accepted the medicated hot tea Leandra brought him after some time had passed and drank it down quickly without looking at her. He held the cup and saucer up and she took it from him, all without him looking at her.

Leandra knew the value of verbalizing your feelings. "Are you angry at me, Fenris? Is that why you won't look at me? Or Marian, for that matter?"

He shook his head, the tips of his ears and his face turning a bit red with embarrassment. But he said nothing.

Leandra sighed and sat down in the chair that went with the vanity in the corner. "If you'll talk to me about it, we can move past it. If you don't, then every time you see me you'll remember and it will affect the way we interact from now on. I'll tell you honestly that I feel badly about speaking to you the way I did. Having you resist being cared for when you need it reminded me too much of Malcolm. By the time he agreed to risk exposure as a mage by being checked out by a real healer, it was much too late to do anything other than try to make him comfortable. I carried a lot of anger about that for a long time. I thought I was over it, until I saw you doing the same thing. I apologize for taking that out on you."

Fenris took a deep breath for a bit of courage and wished he didn't sound like a croaking frog. "I'm not angry with you. I'm ashamed of my behavior. And embarrassed. I am not used to being sick and I was being foolish, letting my fear of hurting Marian, you and the rest of the household push me into making a decision out of pride. I am used to having only myself to rely on; being part of a group of friends is new to me. Caring for someone special is new to me. And I fear I am not handling any of it well."

Leandra smiled. "I'm afraid, Fenris, that no matter your station in life or how you lived it prior, no one handles falling in love with any real amount of skill. From rags to royalty, we all feel like bumbling fools when it comes to matters of the heart. But it's worth persevering. And now I'll leave you before Marian passes out from pure embarrassment.

There was a long, awkward silence after Leandra left the room. Then they, of course, spoke at the same time.

Marian, "I'm sorry..."

Fenris, "Your mother..."

They both stopped and smiled, but they hadn't looked at each other yet.

Marian was happy to let someone else break the awkward silence. "You go first."

"I was going to say that your mother is a sensible and kind woman. I quite like her." He glanced up at Marian, relieved to see not a trace of the damage he had done earlier.

"Really? Thank the Maker, I was about to apologize for the way she spoke to you."

Fenris shook his head. "Hard as it is to admit, she was right." He shrugged, feeling only a twinge of discomfort when he did so. "That muscle relaxer from Anders and the mixture from Merrill have really helped my pain level. If I hadn't gotten sick I could have been home by now."

Marian chuckled. "Yes, the timing for being stuck in my company twenty four hours a day for a week couldn't have been worse for you under the circumstances."

"Seeing as I've been asleep for most of it and incoherent for the rest, I've hardly noticed you at all." He smiled.

Marian's eyes got wide and her face kind of fell. Even Faith sat up and looked at him like he'd lost his mind. Fenris sighed. "I forgot that I can't laugh to show you I was trying to be funny. Let me try honesty then. The last ten miles or so of that walk, when Faith wouldn't wake up and I was soaking wet and freezing cold and every step I took made my body hurt worse... During that last ten miles the only thought in my head, over and over with every step, was 'Hawke will fix it. I have to get to Hawke. Hawke will fix it.' I would not have made it back to Kirkwall if I'd had to repeat 'Anders will fix it' over and over."

Marian did laugh at that one, which made him smile. She was the only one who got his sardonic sense of humor. Sometimes Varric did but mostly just Hawke.

Still smiling, Marian asked, "May I touch your forehead and see how you are doing with your fever?"

Fenris nodded, "Of course."

She was sitting on a little padded footstool that stayed in the guest bathroom for reasons completely unknown to her. Her mother had done the decorating. So Marian didn't have to reach far to put the back of her hand on his forehead. "Still too warm, but coming down nicely. You really had us scared for a while. Not because of the nightmares, but your fever was so very high."

"Well, since it is coming down, do you think I could get out of the tub now?" Even though he had pants on the situation was awkward and uncomfortable for him.

Before Marian could say yay or nay, Faith got up and walked over to the tub. She stood on the edge, licked his forehead and looked at his 'no' hand.

Marian laughed and with a grin Fenris said, "The all knowing Lady Faith has spoken. Guess I'm stuck in here for a while longer."

Faith got down and nudged Marian on the knee so hard that she almost knocked her off the little footstool.

Marian glared at Faith. "You're going to have to quit doing that. I promised him I wouldn't push."

Faith just rolled her eyes, grunted and Fenris grinned. "Would it make you happy if I held her hand? That is a step I would be comfortable with making. But speak now, before I get all wrinkly." Faith looked at his yes hand and gave a low woof.

It was Marian's turn to roll her eyes. "Don't let your dog push you either."

Fenris smiled. "It's alright. I was trying to work up the nerve to ask. She probably knew."

Faith woofed low again. Marian sighed and took Fenris's hand in her own. "Smart dog."


	9. The Almost Homecoming

The Almost Homecoming

9.

Four days later, Fenris was finally leaving the Hawke estate for his own home. He'd had to promise to come back for lunch or dinner once a day so that Leandra knew he was eating well, just until she was convinced he wouldn't relapse. Somehow, the amazing woman had made time to add the promised gussets to his leather armor (and the silver grommets and leather laces up the sides to tighten them properly over the gussets were apparently something Marian had requested) so it all fit again, and she made him three sets of those amazingly soft pajamas that they had talked about. Fenris promised himself that once the situation with the puppies was all worked out and they were all placed, he and Hawke would take Leandra somewhere she'd always wanted to go as a thank you for everything.

The house though. "His" mansion. That was going to be an issue. Knowing that Faith wanted him to clean it up for the arrival of her pups and apparently simply a better standard of living, he was almost afraid for her to see it. Which was ridiculous. She was his dog, even if she was the smartest one he'd ever seen and understood absolutely everything. Fenris wondered if they'd explained to her that he didn't really own it. He simply squatted there. He looked at her walking on his left and then looked at Marian walking on his right with her own Mabari, Grunt.

Just as they were about to turn the corner that led to his area of Hightown, Marian stopped. She suddenly looked a bit nervous. And he realized that she had stopped them in a crowded area so that it would be hard for him to make a scene.

"Fenris, before we get there, I need to tell you something and I'm pretty sure that Faith will like it a lot and you are going to hate it. Which is why I'm telling you about it now. Because if you hate it I didn't want to argue with you at my house and now if you hate it I figure you'll just walk off and be mad for a while rather than yell but if we went to your house and you hated it then we would all be yelling at each other and everyone would feel bad."

He sighed, his voice almost back to normal, just a little more gravel than usual. "What are you trying to tell me, Marian?"

She was actually fidgeting her hands together. "Well, remember we had that whole discussion about how you were part of a team and had friends who cared about you and wanted you to be happy?"

He didn't see a connection yet. "Yes. And?"

"And you remember how you didn't see much of most of them while you were sick and sometimes you would wake up and I would be gone?" And now she was bouncing up and down on her toes. Hawke, who had faced down blood mages and giant spiders, was scared about how he was going to react to whatever she was about to say.

He frowned, becoming anxious himself about what she was afraid to tell him. "Yes. And?"

"Well, knowing that you'd just been really, really sick and that you only have a few weeks left to get that house ready for Faith to have all fourteen of those puppies, which will keep you really, really busy after they are here... some of us... some of us, we, ummm..."

Now he had a feeling he knew where this was going. "Enough stalling, Hawke, just tell me."

"Well, some of us got together and, well, we-cleaned-and-repaired-the-mansion-so-you-wouldn't-have-to-do-it-yourself." She said it all in a rush as if saying it faster would make him less likely to be upset.

He took a step back from her and crossed his arms in front of his chest. And he thought about it, trying to see things from his friends' point of view and not just his ultra private, do not invade my territory mindset. So his first comment was neutral. "That seems like an awful lot of work for two months of raising puppies in one room and then finding homes for all of them."

"You know, they are only quiet for the first few weeks, then they want to run around and explore everything and with Mabari they basically potty train themselves if you give them a place to go outside, so we cleaned up and fenced in your backyard, too. It's possible we might have gotten carried away. But we didn't buy furniture or paint the walls or anything like that, just got rid of, well, the corpses and replaced the missing tiles and tossed the books that weren't usable and got a bookshelf for the others. Umm... we also got a dresser for your clothes so the puppies wouldn't chew up what you have. So, on a scale of one to volcanic eruption how upset are you?" She crinkled her face into a worried expression waiting on his answer.

He tried very hard to stick to neutral. Because he was already feeling the weight of the debt of favors he would owe everyone. "You do realize that I don't actually own that mansion and the real owner could come claim it at any time?"

She smiled a little. "Well, funny story, really."

He groaned. And began to get angry as hard as he had tried not to do so. "Please. Please tell me that you did not buy the mansion."

"I can do that. No, I did not buy the mansion." She smiled and he sighed with relief. "Here's the funny part. A few months ago, Varric is playing a high stakes Diamondback game with some people he doesn't normally play with. And he's doing pretty well for himself as Varric usually does. And this one guy from Starkhaven is losing hand after hand, but it's someone that Varric knows is LOADED. He apparently just didn't bring enough cash for how badly his night was going to go.

"Finally, he says he wants to toss a property deed into the pot. It was his third cousin's or something and he'd been the only family left to inherit when the guy was murdered. He'd come to Kirkwall to figure out what he wants to do with the property. So he goes to see it and it's the only dump in Hightown. He asks around about it and gets told by a realtor that there isn't anyone interested in buying it, mostly because there is a really dangerous elf squatting in it and they don't want to waste money on mercenaries trying to get him out, because they've seen how he deals with the slavers that come after him. The guy was just going to let it go back for taxes. He doesn't need the headache, he's got plenty of property in Starkhaven and hardly ever comes to Kirkwall.

"So Varric doesn't let on anything and the table lets the guy put the deed to the mansion in the pot. And of course, Varric takes the hand, the guy signs the deed over to Varric and Varric calls it quits for the night. Oh, by the way, Varric really wanted to tell you this story himself so when he does act like you've never heard it because I can see by the way your jaw is clenched and the tips of your ears are red that you're really angry. It wasn't that big of a pot and Varric has been trying to figure out how to surprise you with it, just like I was with the crest, but this is so much bigger than the crest even though he paid less for the house than I did for having that crest made. I probably shouldn't have said that. But anyway, I'm telling you about the house because I can see you're getting madder and madder and I don't want you to hurt Varric's feelings because you know he really means well and now I can't seem to stop talking and I'm just digging a deeper hole, like someone handed me a shovel and a pick axe and I just keep making things worse."

She stopped to draw breath and sighed it out in a rush. "It's just that all your friends wanted to do something nice for you, just like Mother, Anders, Merrill and I took care of you and Faith and I know how you hate surprises really so I'm trying to prepare you so you can get your mad out here with me instead of taking it out on them because they are all so excited about having you see everything and everyone's so happy about you having found Faith and that you guys chose each other and they just want you to be happy. I did say that right, that they all did this just for you to be happy? I have to actually stop talking for you to say something, don't I?" Hawke put a hand to her mouth and pinched her lips closed in an effort to do just that.

Fenris took a deep breath, held it and then let it out slowly. He rubbed a hand over his forehead. He already felt the urge to run instead of face his friends. "I am, as you said, going to get my mad out here with you instead of there with the others and I will try not to embarrass you with a scene here in the market. You know I hate receiving charity and that's what I've had every day since I brought Faith to Kirkwall, because I couldn't take care of myself. And we talked about how hard that was for me to accept. I feel indebted to you now, even further than I was before. And you know that I do. The sewing your mother did for me, regardless of what she said to me about it, is a debt I feel I have to repay.

"So what in the name of the Maker or the Creators or the Forgotten Ones or the Elder Gods or Koslun or Andraste would make you all think I would be okay accepting an ENTIRE HOUSE from Varric, no matter how cheaply he won it or how easily he could afford it? Stealing the house from Danarius was a way I could get a little jab back at him for stealing however many years of my life he owned me. And I don't know how long that was or who was before him or how old I am or when my birthday is. So while it was obvious that the mansion meant nothing to Danarius, at the moment staying in it is all I can do to poke at him until he comes for me again and this time I hope I can kill him." Fenris was still managing to keep his voice down but the tone of it was becoming more and more infuriated.

"I don't have many things of my own, but in order for everyone to clean and repair things they had to go through them and move them and touch them. And now, because no one owed me anything since I was paid for every job we ever went on, I owe everyone who picked up a bone or a book or a rag and threw it away a debt for having done so when it's not something I wanted done anyway! The hole in the ceiling in the room I sleep in was left that way because I could escape out of it instantly. I can't afford to own that house and it's just something else to tie me to Kirkwall, to make it harder for me to leave."

After a brief pause, his voice dropped to a pained, hurt filled whisper. "I didn't fail to clean the interior of the house because I was lazy, I left it that way because it reflected my state of mind. Because it was all I deserve. And no amount of house ownership or repairs or having a dog is going to change what I am, which is a runaway slave whose only marketable skills are his sword and these damn markings that make it impossible for me to hide." He was breathing hard at this point, having lost a great deal of stamina over the period he'd been ill and being quite upset over the things Hawke had told him.

This had gone much more poorly than Hawke had expected and she had to blink back tears. "It's been three years, Fenris. Whether you were paid for them or not, you've done so many good things while you've been here that surely your sense of self worth has improved past the point of having corpses and skeletons in the foyer. And if it hasn't, then maybe having them gone will help. No one did this so you'd owe them favors. They did it because they wanted a troubled friend to be happy. And I don't really know what else I can say to you to convey that."

Fenris shook his head. "It's not that I don't understand the concept here," and he pointed to his head. "It's that understanding the concept doesn't make it feel any different in here," and he put his hand over his heart. "It also tells me that no one in this group really understands how I think and feel about things, because they did something they knew would upset me simply because they wanted to make themselves feel good." He sighed. "I'm going for a walk. You go on ahead; tell them whatever you want."

Fenris headed for the steps to the Hightown Market, planning to head towards the gates of Kirkwall again, maybe make it part of the way up Sundermount so he could be alone for a while. This week had been full of a lot more people than he was used to being around while he'd been feeling a lot more vulnerable than he was comfortable with. He hadn't gone ten feet when he noticed his shadow. He turned towards her, "No, Faith. You stay with Hawke."

She whined at him, looked at his 'no' hand. He shook his head and pointed back to where he could see Hawke just standing there, still sort of shocked. "Stay with Hawke."

This time Faith sat down and watched him walk away before she turned and went to lean against Marian.


	10. Oh, No Not Again

10.

Oh, No. Not Again.

A.N. - Introspective Fenris. Thanks for everyone who is bothering to read this. It's as much me working my own stuff as it is Fenris working his.

10.

Oh, No. Not Again.

Fenris headed towards Sundermount but stopped at the waterfall. That short walk had been enough to wear him out but it had at least gotten him out of Kirkwall. All he could see was grass and forest and the river; and if he could still smell the stench of the city, well, he could pretend otherwise. He pulled his sword and put it beside him when he sat on the broad, flat, sun warmed rock positioned so that he could watch the glassy surface of the river run smooth and quiet right up to the edge of the waterfall and then plunge into the chaos below. He knew from swimming both that the current was strong and the water deep, something that would be beyond him today even if he were in the mood to swim. It was also ideally placed to be able to see people both coming and going from Kirkwall, but he didn't expect much foot traffic. Most people avoided the road to Sundermount.

But not Keeper Marethari, apparently. He saw her leaving Kirkwall just a short time after he'd sat down to rest and stare into the foam below until he could stop thinking. It was hard to shut off the spinning top of thoughts which his talk with Hawke had triggered; they would plague him for hours without application of a great deal of alcohol and then whatever sleep he could get. He hoped the roar of the waterfall would help but he'd have to head back to Kirkwall regardless. It was supposed to rain tonight and even if he were to be cowardly enough to avoid his own home and thus his friends for that long, he did not want a repeat performance of being ill. Fenris had no idea why he wasn't surprised that Keeper Marethari stopped beside him, but for some reason it had the feeling of the inevitable about it.

"Ah, Fenris. A pleasure to see you. May I join you and warm these old bones on this stone before I continue my journey home?" She was one of the rare people who was sincere in asking for his permission, because she waited to hear his response before she sat.

He gestured politely towards the remainder of the stone; he was at one end and the other end was almost ten feet away. There was, after all, plenty of room.

She sat and in silence watched the water with him for a few moments. "I came to Kirkwall to visit Feynriel's mother and let her know how well he is doing with his studies. I thought to visit Merrill at the same time but she wasn't home. Tell me, do you know how she is doing?"

Fenris bristled at the mention of Feynriel, having argued with Hawke in favor of sending the boy to the circle, not the Dalish. He drew his legs up towards his body, wrapped his arms around them and continued staring at the water; a defensive body posture. He cleared his throat before speaking. "I believe Merrill is doing well. I was recently both injured and ill and her herbal remedies were quite helpful in my recovery. They certainly tasted much better than the healer's potions." He involuntarily made a face, just remembering the taste of Anders' muscle relaxer.

Marethari chuckled at that. "I can see which memory lingers the most."

He turned his head to look her in the eye at that. "Anders' muscle relaxer potion was absolutely the most singularly terrible thing I have ever tasted. Four times." He shuddered. "They were quite effective I'll admit, however, should I ever badly tear up my muscles again, I would much rather they remove the offending limb."

Marethari smiled. "I'll admit, most of the potions and remedies I make myself taste somewhat awful. So were my Keeper's and he, of course, taught me. And his Keeper before him. That has been a specialty of Merrill's, researching ways to make the children willing to take their medicine."

"She's certainly become good at it." He swallowed, his voice becoming slightly hoarse again from use.

Marethari's voice was hesitant. "Does she still...?"

Fenris knew what she wanted to ask. "Unfortunately, yes. Hawke keeps an eye on her, however. And oddly enough, I've never met a blood mage with less interest in gaining power and using others. She's strangely ethical about it, thankfully."

"Merrill has always had the best and kindest of hearts. Too much confidence in her own ability to handle dangerous things, but a kind heart." Marethari sighed. "So, friend Fenris, what is it that brings you here today to stare at the river as if you wish you could ride it away from Kirkwall?"

He looked at Marethari out of the corner of his eye, his suspicion plain. "Strange that you should name me thus. Did you run into Hawke on your way out here?"

The Keeper appeared confused enough that he felt bad for having asked. "Hawke? No. Are you asking me why I called you friend?"

Fenris sighed. He had no one to talk this through with who wasn't connected to everyone else that he was around. And even Sebastian lacked the understanding of many of the things that had formed Fenris into the person he was today. But the Dalish... at least they are used to being pariahs and having to move frequently for their own safety. "Are you like a Chantry Priest in that conversations we have can be confidential? No one else will hear of it?"

She smiled. "My people would hardly confide in me otherwise. Come, I have plenty of time today. Tell me what troubles you. Sometimes talking out the problem aloud is enough to find the solution on your own. And sometimes I may be able to ask questions that lead you to a solution. But it is not my place to give you answers as I will not have them; those you must find on your own."

Fenris sighed. "No wonder people avoid this kind of introspective thinking and emotional growth. It's apparently a lot of work. It has been so far, anyway."

"It is indeed, my friend. It's part of our journey here in life, if you are spiritual and believe in some sort of afterlife. And just something to kill time doing if you don't, to make getting along with others while you're here easier."

Fenris looked at her in surprise. "That's an extremely pragmatic view for a religious leader to hold."

She laughed. "I suppose it is. But come. You will not answer your own questions if we don't start asking them. So speak to me."

"How much do you know of my personal history?"

"None, really. I know of you only what I have seen in our camp and in the good works you have done for my people."

"And yet you would call me friend?"

She tilted her head. "You know there are many different types of friends. I do not think of you as someone I could share my darkest fears with, but I consider you the kind of friend I might have an enjoyable meal with or ask to help me cross a creek with slippery rocks. Does it bother you that I consider you such? "

"Yes and no." Fenris sighed. "Let me explain. I'm told I'm from Seheron but that is all I know of my personal history until I woke, fully adult, covered with these lyrium markings which were fresh and unhealed. I was a slave, a bodyguard to a Tevinter Magister."

"A hard life. And few opportunities to develop any kind of friendships or normal relationships with anyone." Marethari spoke without sympathy as if she were discussing the weather. It was exactly the kind of tone he needed to discuss this subject in.

He nodded. "Exactly. Some years later I managed to escape, the details of which are irrelevant, really. But at some point a little over three years ago, I found myself in Kirkwall."

Marethari smiled. "I remember when you came to our camp with Hawke to deliver the amulet. You were so tense, so tightly and closely bound; like a string on a lute that has been over tightened to the point that it is about to break. You seem much more at ease in your own skin now; those three years have been good to you."

"They have been and that is largely due to Hawke and Varric and to a lesser extent the rest of our friends. But there is that word again: friend. Not long ago, Hawke discovered that I could not read, because slaves were not taught. And she insisted on teaching me." He blushed even now, admitting that lack in his background.

"With your intellect, I imagine it went quickly." Marethari treated as completely normal something that had caused him shame for many years.

He shrugged. "I have no way of knowing without another adult with which to compare my pace. Recently, I grew tired of struggling to maintain the only positive interpersonal relationships I have ever had, I supposed due to lack of positive experience and entirely negative experience. I picked up a book on early childhood development. I was trying to understand how children form friendships, relationships, to fill in the gaps and learn what it was that I missed or forgot that I once knew."

"Was it helpful reading?" Marethari was genuinely curious as part of her job as Keeper was to help guide her clan towards getting along with one another.

"Yes and no. I ended up buying a round of drinks I could ill afford and being propositioned by Isabela. Though that at least was nothing new, really. I overcompensated, trying to be a giving person when my natural personality seems to be rather sardonic and prickly."

She laughed. "I know of whom you speak. And you must know that you are an attractive young elf, the lyrium markings giving you an exotic look that many people are drawn towards." She held up her hands when he tensed. "I'm not trying to flatter you, merely commenting that your good looks would have drawn you much negative attention as a slave and therefore you would not understand how to handle the positive attention it would draw as a free man. Though I don't really consider random, indiscriminate encounters positive attention. But combined, they would make it very difficult for you to sort through those attentions to find the people who are genuinely interested in you as a person, whether as a friend or as a partner. And after the pain and powerlessness that went with your negative experiences, you must question whether you even want to delve into finding positive experiences or would prefer to isolate yourself from any more pain."

Fenris gave a relieved sigh. "Somehow you understand."

She shrugged. "One of my personal gifts is empathy. With hard work and study of books about the mind and its functions, I have improved upon it over the years. It's not an invasive magic. I'm of two minds about whether it is magic or simply a natural affinity for people, but that is a discussion for another time if you find yourself interested."

Fenris was cautious in his reply, finding he did not want to offend this kind woman. "I will consider it. My time as a slave to a Tevinter Magister has left me with a near overwhelming hatred of magic and mages altogether, but then there is the exception of Hawke. Now it does not bother me that she is a mage, not as it did at first; we work well together on the battlefield and I find that she mostly understands me and I mostly understand her. I would label her as a friend, but struggling to define 'friend' as I am may undervalue her importance to me."

Marethari smiled. "I will complicate matters and tell you that sometimes friendship grows into love." She pointed at the favor on his wrist and he blushed. "I think it wise of you to work through the problems you are experiencing being free, being closer to people, and having friends before you jump head first into a loving relationship." She held her hands up again. "I'm not playing in your head. You are so conflicted about your feelings for Hawke it rolls right off you. You have years of normal emotional development to make up for and you will do so if you work at it. So for lack of a better word, you are not here for and not ready to work on "love" yet but are struggling to make sense of "friends" in general, yes?"

"Events have forced the friendship issue into something I must deal with immediately and I have already hurt Hawke by... No, you need more detail. When I came to Kirkwall, I took over living in my former master's decrepit mansion in Hightown. I don't own it. Oddly, it turns out he doesn't own it. I could leave at any time. It has always been a filthy mess, left just as I found it, because it matched the way I felt inside. I only use one room of the place anyway and it keeps me from leaving a paper trail behind me."

"So living there has allowed you to avoid a conscious commitment to staying in Kirkwall, as I would imagine you have acquired very few personal possessions during these three years. I would venture to guess you could leave from this rock at this very moment and be leaving little of note behind."

He nodded. "Exactly. And it is cowardly, I know, but I am still pursued by slavers. Just a few weeks ago we were set upon by dozens of them on the Wounded Coast, sent specifically for me. As a mage, you are probably aware of the sheer monetary value of this pure lyrium I have all over me. That as much as anything else keeps my former master pursuing me. At first I stayed in Kirkwall thinking that exchanging work with Hawke and the others would either give me enough coin to go elsewhere or would give me people watching my back when I faced him again. And they have; we completely destroyed the slavers, mages and all. And his apprentice. "

"It doesn't sound cowardly, Fenris. It sounds sensible. Well, not the filth part, but the paper trail part. Your handful of friends have proven themselves incredibly effective in combat, but only you know what that magister has available to him in the way of resources and the lengths to which he will go to reclaim you. I imagine you have explained this repeatedly and they, being incredibly confident in their martial skills, have 'p'shawed' your concerns." She looked at him, expecting an answer.

He nodded. "I have and they do, repeatedly. Even after this most recent battle, which was by far the most dangerous and largest so far, I can't get them to understand that Danarius can throw double the troops next time. And double again the time after that. Obviously getting me back has become a personal challenge for him as I believe he has exceeded the value of the lyrium in hunting expenses by now."

"And where you would have been receiving help from virtual strangers in an equal exchange before, now years later you will be receiving help from people who you care about, however you label it. It would pain you to see them hurt at all, much less because of you." She waited several moments while he sat deep in thought.

"I hadn't considered that aspect of it but you are entirely correct, of course. If one of them had been injured or killed helping me I would have felt responsible and it would have bothered me tremendously. More than it bothers me when one of them is injured on a regular, paid outing. What I am struggling with currently, and have the entire time I have been here, is the concept of favors and debt and struggling to not owe anyone anything."

Marethari nodded. "Part of what you would have missed out on learning is that true friendship, no matter how casual or how close, means that you don't generally keep a ledger of who owes whom what in the way of favors. Money is different of course. I'm imagining that your injury and illness plays into this, so why don't you finish telling me what happened and I will try to stop interrupting you." She smiled.

Fenris shook his head. "You're right. About two weeks ago now, something happened between Hawke and me that upset me greatly. I have, well, Anders once said it was a battle trauma problem. Where I can lose touch with where I am and who I am with, see an innocent as an enemy, that kind of thing. Have you seen anything like that before?"

She nodded. "Sadly, yes. Remember, we were running from Ferelden during the Fifth Blight. Our adults saw a lot. Our children saw more than we would have ever wanted. And the times we were forced to stand and fight, whether we were cornered or trying to help another group of refugees who were cornered." She sighed and shook her head. "Creators, those days were terrible. I've seen too much of what you describe."

Fenris sighed. "Anders, years ago, helped me figure out when I was reaching the boiling point and how to stop it from happening. "Different men, different struggles," he said and what worked for me was running. Lots of running. Because I could. If I was caught again, I could run again. And with these markings I can cover a great deal of distance very quickly. I needed to run after I left Hawke. About eight hours later I found myself a few miles into Tantervale and I rescued a Mabari female from a bear trap. Her family and her mate had been killed, she was the only survivor except that she is pregnant. Merrill said there are fourteen puppies in there. Which is a whole other issue for me to panic over."

Marethari laughed. "That is an enormous amount of pups. If she has trouble keeping them all fed, come see me. We mix a passable formula and you can share it around so everyone gets some milk and some formula."

Fenris smiled. "Thank you, I will keep that in mind. At any rate, her wound festered very quickly due to some virus Anders knew about once I got her there. I carried her to Kirkwall and kicked in Hawke's door at 3:00 a.m. that next morning. Today is the first day that I have been able to leave. Apparently by carrying her that distance all at once, I had torn up a lot of muscle tissue and the like. I don't really understand it, I just know it was incredibly painful by the time I reached Hawke and once I stopped moving I wished someone would simply put me out of my misery. Just as I was able to move around on my own, I came down with the flu from walking about thirty-five miles in that squall we had that day."

"Let me interrupt to add my amazement to everyone else's. You must not only be very strong, but also very determined to have completed that trip."

Fenris laughed. "Most have called it stubborn when they thought I couldn't hear them. But at the first break we took, I couldn't wake the dog anymore and she had only chosen to live because of her babies. I wanted her to have that chance. She's the smartest mabari I have ever seen and we actually communicate fairly well. I had planned on finding a home for the dog, but the dog, now Faith, had other ideas and has chosen me, apparently. Which I am of two minds about because most of me feels inadequate to care for her and unworthy to have her choose me. But as embarrassing as it sounds, when she sleeps in the bed with me at night, I don't have nightmares anymore. And the value of that... I fell asleep on the couch while I was sick and in a nightmare I punched my former master's apprentice in the face and threw her across the room. Only it was Hawke. I broke her nose and blacked her eye. It's worth almost anything to me to make those nightmares go away."

"I can see that it would be but knowing Hawke I can't imagine she held you responsible."

He shook his head. "No, she actually took the blame on herself, because her father had the same problem at times only he was a mage. She said she should have known better. At any rate, the dog makes it clear that she won't live without me but will not raise her pups in my home unless I clean it up, so I decide that's a good enough reason and plan to do so immediately upon returning home with her."

Marethari interrupted. "After three years of living in what you describe as filth because it matched your insides, did you not yet feel that your insides had changed and grown enough to deserve a clean place to live in?"

Fenris scratched his head a little, uncomfortable with that question because he hadn't realized he'd made that admission to her during his rant. "Honestly, I have not given it a single thought over the years. I got used to it, comfortable with it I suppose. But I will add that to my list of things to think about." He shrugged. "Anyway, Hawke's mother fixed my armor, sewed me some new clothes because I loved the soft material and the whole household plus Anders and Merrill took care of me for a week. That was a lot more people seeing me undressed than I'm comfortable with. That's a lot of debt I feel I have incurred. With no idea how to pay off the balance, if you will.

"So today we're going home finally and Hawke stops me and warns me-because I hate surprises-that as a surprise, my friends have cleaned and repaired my home for me and for Faith, because they are happy for us to have found one another. And all I can feel is that my territory has been violated and the few personal things I own have been touched and messed with. And I'm sure the hole in the ceiling in my bedroom has been closed up and it was my emergency exit. And then I feel even more debt has been added to me because they wanted to do something that would make them happy because they thought it would make me happy.

"To add even more to that, Hawke tells me that a few weeks before, Varric was gambling with some wealthy men, one of which was not doing well. He throws a property deed into the pot, having just inherited a dump in Hightown from a third cousin. He's looked at it, thinks it's worth nothing and since he lives in Starkhaven and came to Kirkwall just to settle the will, it means nothing to him. So Varric wins the pot and it's the deed to the mansion I've been living in for three years. And she says he plans to give it to me. And I panicked. Again. I feel as if I can now never leave Kirkwall because I will never NOT owe these people something. We had words, I made the dog stay with her and told them I needed to go for a walk. And here I am, while my friends sit in my clean, repaired puppy proof house waiting for me to stop being surly and ungrateful and come home. That's what happened."

Marethari let the silence settle for a moment as she processed what Fenris had said. Then she asked, "Do you feel as if you are being surly and ungrateful?"

He sighed heavily. "Another thing I am of two minds about. Most of them know what a private person I am, how much I hate anyone nosing around about my business. On the other hand, it occurs to me that they've seen some of the changes Hawke says she has noticed in me recently and that, combined with rescuing Faith, perhaps led them to believe I was a changed man. Hawke even told me she knew it would upset me for them to do this but they did it anyway because they wanted to help since I'd been so sick. But I'm not used to having help."

Marethari tilted her head at him again. "Are you sure about that?"

"What do you mean? Sure about not having help, about being self reliant?" Fenris was confused.

She nodded. "Yes, exactly. Maybe you don't realize that you have help in every area of your life already and perhaps that is where your problem lies. That you keep the different parts of your life separated instead of integrated as a whole."

"I'm not sure what you mean." Fenris frowned.

"Do you feel that you owe Varric anything if he kills someone who has managed to come up behind you in combat?"

"Well, no, of course not. We rely on each other in combat. Things happen too quickly to keep track although Varric tries hard to compete." Fenris was still confused. "The entire goal is for all of us to just make it out in one piece."

"Do you suppose your neighbors in Hightown have been amenable to having an elf squatting in a dump of a mansion all these years? Do you not imagine that your friend, the Captain of the Guard, has not kept at least some of that from touching you?"

Fenris was silent for a long moment. "You're right. I know she has. As long as I keep my head down and give the neighbors nothing extra to complain about, she does keep them off my back. She has told me that a time will come when she can't, because of taxes and what not, but I suppose that's all changed with Varric winning the deed." He crossed his legs and rested his head on his hands while his elbows rested on his legs.

"We already know Hawke taught you to read. Anders and Merrill would have cared for the lowliest street urchin if they were ill, so perhaps their care when you were sick can't really be added to a 'debt' column. Surely Varric, being almost has close to you as Hawke, has done things for you?"

Fenris sighed. "He's gotten me some courier and bodyguard work when I've needed it. Recommended me for a few jobs I wouldn't have gotten otherwise."

Marethari smiled. "So we know that your friends have helped you in many areas of your life already. Is it perhaps this last, most personal area that you haven't let them into that is the problem, not receiving the help in general?"

Fenris was silent for a long time. "I think you must be right. When Hawke got her family estate back after slavers had lived in it, we all put in many hours helping her clean and throw things away. When I found out how dangerous the Merchant's Guild meetings were, I started accompanying Varric as his bodyguard, over his objections, in fact. And it makes Aveline happy when I tell her about crime she and her guards can stop, criminals she can arrest. It's not personal help really, but her whole life is the Kirkwall Guard. They are my closest friends.

"Sebastian tries hard to be a good friend, but spends all his time trying to convert me to Andrastianism. He'll answer any questions I have, but he doesn't understand much of anything other than the Chantry I don't think. Anders and Merrill. It is impossible to define our relationships as anything more than teammates. Hawke called my attention to that recently; that though we are not friends we have a relationship with each other based on being on the same team. But we have such conflicting beliefs about mages we will never be friends because I am not confident in their abilities as mages, not in the long run. But even though Anders has assistants in his clinic, I have on occasion used a talent of mine when he needs me to remove something from someone that is otherwise impossible for him to get to without making the injury worse. Or helped set a bone on a large man so he can heal it. During my illness I reached better terms with Merrill and while I don't think we will ever be friends, any more than I am with Anders, I could see myself harvesting herbs for her while I was out doing other things. Actions like that."

Marethari nodded. "Then the question I would ask you now would be why is this last personal area so hard to let at least Hawke, Varric and Aveline into?"

The silence this time was much longer. But eventually he answered. "Because I have never stayed in one place this long since I escaped. I have never in my brief memory formed attachments before. It will hurt me if any of them are hurt protecting me. And I'm attached enough now that it would hurt to leave and not have them in my life anymore."

Marethari smiled. "You're quite introspective when you need to be and you understand a great deal about the way people behave. More negative behavior than positive of course, but give yourself time. And I have one last question for you. Do you want to be the type of person who takes personal pleasure in doing things that make other people happy? Even strangers? For instance, if you saw me struggling to carry a heavy log, would you do it for me?"

"Of course."

"If you found Merrill lost in Hightown-and yes, I know all about her sense of direction-late at night and trying to get home, would you escort her home for her safety or leave her to take her chances, even though she's someone to which you aren't terribly close?"

"I'd walk her home, of course. She may annoy me and worry me as a mage, but she is still incredibly naive and innocent. She's practically got the word "VICTIM" tattooed on her forehead." He rolled his eyes.

Marethari laughed. "I know. I was so worried about her leaving but she insisted. It makes me very happy that she's ended up in a group that will keep an eye on her." She sighed. "Fenris, I believe you give yourself too little credit. Freedom is still very new to you and without your personal history to fall back on, your very intelligent mind has decided to try and make people into things that fit into a profit and loss statement from a business, if you will. You're a very logical man and I believe it frustrates you that most people aren't terribly logical. It may help you to realize that while you don't remember your upbringing, they remember theirs and all the emotional ups and downs that go with it, the weight of bad decisions, good decisions, births, deaths, everything that life means and almost none of it logical. All things you will learn soon enough for yourself. Including the very real fact that consciously choosing to do something to make someone else happy can and often does make you happy right along with them. Whether you seek out something especially for someone or just happen to be in the right place at the right time like you were for your dog. And you are welcome to come talk to me at any time but something tells me that I have said all that will be useful to you today."

Fenris leapt up to help her to her feet. "You were most generous with your time and your wisdom. It has been both helpful and greatly appreciated. Would you like me to escort you to your camp before I return to Kirkwall?"

Marethari patted him on the arm. "Thank you, dahlen, but no, I'm fine. And I believe you have a party to get to, don't you?"

Fenris's attention was called to movement behind Marethari, a fair distance before the waterfall. "You didn't see it, but a man just threw a bag into the river. Look."

She turned around and could see it for herself, a small canvas bag moving rapidly in the current, headed towards the waterfall.

"It's moving. He threw something alive into the river. Venehedis Fastavaas. I can't believe I'm doing this again." Fenris was rapidly taking off his gauntlets and undoing the buckles on his breastplate. "Watch it for me, don't lose sight of it." He got the breastplate undone and took it off, then took the time to strip the tunic off. He knew it would fill with air in the water and make swimming harder.

When he was ready, he put his hand on Marethari's shoulder. "Point me to it."

She held her arm up and pointed to where she could see that it was sinking as well as continuing to travel. "It's about fifteen feet before the waterfall, about twenty feet from the shore. It's sinking but definitely going over the falls. Be careful, Fenris."

Marethari heard feet running on the stone behind her and followed. She was just in time to see him slice cleanly through the water just beyond the falls. Everyone knew the river was deep, it was a favorite swimming spot. She turned her attention to the falls themselves, trying hard to spot the dirty canvas bag in the frothy white water. As easy as looking for snow in the snow.

Fenris came up after having swum some distance and wiped the hair out of his eyes. "How's my distance from shore?" He had to yell to be heard.

"I think you're about five feet too far away from where it was in the river." She could see him nod, take a deep breath and go back under. She watched and waited. And waited. And just when she was sure that Fenris had to be in trouble, he hit the surface of the water again and drew in a deep, gasping breath and then coughed a few times. He held up the canvas bag, which by some miracle was still frantically wriggling.

Marethari turned her attention to making her way carefully down the path below the waterfall, then through a bit of a wooded area to where Fenris was headed. He would need help to climb out when he reached the bank. Within a few feet of the bank he was walking on the sandy river bottom, still chest high in water. She was close enough to hear the bag coughing and hissing and spitting. She took the bag from him when he reached the bank and set it on the ground far enough away that it wouldn't be able to roll itself back into trouble. He was still chest high in water, so she wrapped her arm around the closest young tree and held her hand out for him to grab. He did most of the work himself, but she had not forgotten that he was just out of the sickbed.

For a moment he lay face down on the grass, doing nothing but breathing rapidly and coughing occasionally.

"Are you alright, Fenris?"

"I can't... believe... I did that... again... But yes... Need... a minute."

Marethari went back and grabbed the bag which had been traveling pretty rapidly in circles at that point. She figured out which end was which and held the bag to her, not caring that she was getting a little wet, ignoring the fact that nails were drawing a little blood through the canvas bag. She found the head and rubbed it gently. She extended her mage senses to the little thing and tried to communicate that it was safe and would not be in the bag much longer. She was no healer but she thought the breathing sounded like some water had been inhaled. After a moment, the poor thing quieted though there was no purring, just occasional loud meowing.

She returned to Fenris, who was breathing more normally but still lying face down. "You have rescued a very terrified and unhappy cat."

Fenris was resting his forehead on his forearms. "I can hear that. And it makes me unbelievably happy."

"How so?"

"Anders has been wanting a cat for months. He hasn't been able to find one. Which means I don't have to keep it."

She smiled a tiny, satisfied little smile. "Interesting. One might say that you were in the right place at the right time."

He rotated his head so she could see his left eye and that was it. "Stop gloating, old woman."

For a moment, Marethari stared at Fenris in surprise. Then the sound of her laughter echoed through the forest. "Come, Fenris. Let me help you up the hill so you may be on your way with this gift for your friend. Though may I recommend NOT removing it from the bag until he has it in an enclosed room."

Fenris used the seedling tree to help himself stand up and then Marethari put her hand around his bicep as he seemed a bit wobbly. He tensed when she did and she did her best to set him at ease. "You're standing a bit like you've had too much to drink."

She felt him take a deep breath, let it out and force himself to relax. "Really?" He looked at her and smiled a crooked smile. "Are you sure it isn't just because I'm attractive and exotic?"

Marethari's laughter echoed once more. "Your friends have no idea what a tremendous sense of humor you have, do they?"

He shook his head. "Please don't tell everyone; you'll ruin my carefully cultivated reputation."

"You have my word. I'll hold the cat and enjoy the view while you get dressed, then send you on your way."

It was Fenris's turn to chuckle at Marethari. When he was dressed and he took the cat to cradle it in his elbow, they were both a bit surprised when he bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you again for the talk. I suspect you have helped me salvage every friendship I have in Kirkwall today. Well, except for Anders; he'll be so happy to have a cat I'll be peeling him off me every time I want to go home."

She smiled. "When you feel up to it, come visit and bring your Faith. I'm excited to meet her. Now on your way, the cat needs him as a healer, too."

Fenris groaned as he turned around and headed the few miles towards home. "Of course it does. I'm never doing this again. This was the last time, I swear." He broke into a jog and she lost sight of him after that. Marethari made her way back to camp; it had been a good day and she had enjoyed it.


	11. An Apology, A Story And An Epiphany

11.

An Apology, A Story and An Epiphany

A.N.-Just a quick one to assure you guys that this story isn't actually going where you think it might be going. Fenris is not staying ooc / soft and squishy. Game events will still happen in order, though I won't be replaying them here and I will actually skip over great gaps of time. Because to me the best parts, with a few exceptions at this point, will happen after the game is over. But if all this doesn't happen first it won't make sense post game. It's early where I am, I need more coffee before I make any sense.

11.

An Apology, A Story and An Epiphany

People were sitting around, chatting quietly. Unhappily. Disappointed at the absence of their friend. Hawke had finally come clean and told them what had happened. They were trying to be understanding, but it had been almost two hours. Hawke and Varric were trying to convince everyone to wait just a little while longer when the door burst open and rebounded off the wall behind it with a bang.

A dripping wet, gasping Fenris managed two steps into the room and fell to his knees. "Anders!" He gasped for a breath. "Anders, you better still be here! Hurry!"

Hawke had begun to move to Fenris's side when Anders had come out of an upstairs room. "Oh, NOW you're in a hurry..." He finally saw what was going on downstairs. "Maker's Breath, what have you done to yourself now?"

Fenris held up the canvas bag, which was barely moving. "Someone threw your cat over the waterfall on the road to Sundermount. When I left there I was jogging and Keeper Marethari said she thought it would be alright but it was squirming a lot more. She said not to open the bag until you had it in an enclosed room, it was so frantic. Then its squirming slowed down so I sped up. Somebody get his cat a towel! Here Anders, take it! And pick a room, any room!"

Anders had trotted down the stairs fast enough it was a surprise he hadn't tangled in his robes and fallen. He took the cat from Fenris and looked at Hawke, who was kneeling next to a shivering Fenris. "Marian, can you deal with..." he gestured at Fenris.

She smiled and nodded. "We'll be okay, go ahead." With the cat gone, Fenris was leaning against Hawke, still breathing heavily and hotly into her neck. Faith came running in from outside with Grunt right beside her. Faith looked at Fenris like she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

Hawke laughed. "I know, we can't leave him alone for a second, can we? Will you and Grunt go upstairs to his bedroom? You can pull down the bedcovers and stay in bed with him for a while after we get him dried off." Faith barked and both dogs ran back up the stairs.

People were beginning to gather in the foyer. Hawke rested her head on top of Fenris's. "You're not hurt are you? Just cold?"

"Yes. I mean, no. Cold. Tired. If I could towel off and change I would be fine. If I hadn't just been sick, this would have been nothing."

"I know. You'll tell the story? You know everyone will want to hear it, especially Merrill."

"I'll tell it if you promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"Whatever else happens, I don't need a muscle relaxer. It was only two miles and a cat." The room broke out into relieved laughter.

Hawke squeezed him to her a little bit, relieved to see he'd both come home and done something else heroic with the added bonus of nice for Anders. She called out to the room in general, "Will one of you big, strong, burly warrior types come carry his sword to the weapons room? I can't budge the thing."

Aveline walked over and pulled it with ease. "You've got me and a house full of rogues and mages, Hawke. I'll be right back and give you a hand." She trotted that greatsword upstairs like it weighed no more than the cat (A.N. A genuine greatsword can weigh 80-90 lbs, longswords 40-50 lbs) and went to the door on the far right, next to his bedroom. Fortunately, Anders had taken the room on the far left.

Marian was hopeful they wouldn't need the extra help. Fenris could not afford to relapse in another bout with the flu. "Come on, big guy. Let's try and stand up, shall we?"

Fenris shook his head. "I would actually much rather lie down."

Marian frowned. He didn't seem quite himself. "I know, but you have to stand up first so you can change and then lie down in your bed."

"Oh, right." And with that, he lifted one foot out of the kneeling position, stuck his arm out and tried to stand. He almost made it. Sebastian and Varric were both coming over to help, but Aveline waved them off as she was trotting down the stairs.

"I said wait for me to come back, didn't I?" She pulled Fenris's arm around her shoulders and held it there with one hand, put her arm his waist and lifted him to his feet.

"Yes, you did. Apologies, Guard-Captain." Fenris saluted her.

Hawke sighed. "Oh, dear. Merrill, would you put on a lot more tea?"

"Of course, Haw... oh, my goodness." The sight of Aveline putting Fenris over her shoulder took Merrill by surprise. It took the whole room by surprise. Hawke followed her up and was amazed that her friend wasn't even breathing hard when they got to Fenris's room. Aveline helpfully kept Fenris on his feet while Marian got his gauntlets off and unbuckled his breastplate.

"Maker, Fenris, if we're going to have to keep peeling you out of your armor, you might consider getting armor easier to peel you out of." Hawke was only half joking. They had shut the door and Marian had started the fire so things were beginning to warm up. She tossed the armor aside to deal with later, grabbed a towel and one of the sets of pajamas her mother had made for him and brought them over.

"Okay, Fenris. This will be just like with Mother the night you brought Faith home. Aveline is going to close her eyes and I'm going to take down your trousers and dry you off, then put you in the warm pjs you like so well. Okay?"

"Half of Kirkwall has seen me undressed by now, might as well go ahead." Fenris sighed. He was both tired and tired of needing to be cared for like a child. If that cat died, he was going to kill it.

It was all done and over with quickly and he was bundled into the bed, sitting up with Faith's body wrapped around him with her head in his lap and Grunt curled around his feet. Warmth had put him back in his right, but exhausted, mind. Merrill brought him an ale mug full of hot tea with, he sniffed, honey and lemon. "Thank you, Merrill. Would you check on Anders and the cat for me and let me know how things are going?"

She smiled at him, not being the type to hold a grudge. "Of course. I'll be right back."

Marian was actually the next one to come into the room. She sat next to him at the head of the bed. "So. You feeling better yet? You were a little goofy when you came in, we were worried about you."

He nodded. "I think I'm back to normal now that I'm warm again and not dead on my feet. I am starving though. I probably missed all the food, didn't I?"

She smiled. "Most of it. But I saved you some of the good stuff and, honestly, I stocked your cupboards with a few things because I knew you'd be extra tired for a while. But I forgot to ask if you can even cook."

He nodded. "I actually can. Not much, but I had to learn enough to make Danarius happy if I was campaigning with him and his men. In small units like ours, I was the only slave, so I had to cook." He shrugged.

"Well, you were going to get the full tour but our circle of friends doesn't want to upset you again. I've been asked to find out if you want us to leave?" Marian kept her face as expressionless as she could make it.

He shook his head. "Actually, I don't. I was going to ask you if everyone would come up here to visit for a while and let me apologize and explain myself. And apparently now share the story of another, hopefully, successful rescue. They'll have to sit on the floor, but it has to be better now without the skeletons that used to be there, right?"

She looked at him oddly for a moment and then smiled. "Something happened while you were gone, didn't it? You feel... lighter somehow, like a burden has been lifted from you."

"Something did happen and 'lighter' is a good way to describe how I feel. I'll share some of it now and the rest with you later. Will you go ask if they'll stay, at least for an apology?"

"I will." And after looking carefully at his face for a moment, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, then left the room with her own cheeks turning red.

Faith woofed at him the moment they were alone and he looked down at her. Fenris rubbed his hand across her head. "I apologize for going off by myself but it worked out for the best in the long run. I suspect you would have prevented me from diving off the waterfall." She grabbed his yes hand and tugged on it, hard. "Oww! That one hurt." He laughed when she glared at him and woofed again. "Alright, no it didn't." She put her head back down on his lap with a bit of a growly noise and closed her eyes.

Marian came back in the room with a plate of food for him. "She's not going to let you get away with a thing, is she?"

"Apparently not. And it looks like you'll enjoy every single minute of it."

She grinned. "Yep! I'll be happy to share worrying about you with her. Here, this is the plate I saved for you. I also brought you a second mug of tea that I want you to finish while it's hot. But the rest of us are having cold ale, just so you know."

"Thank you. The food looks good. Your mother and Orana?" Fenris smiled.

"Most of it. And no objections to the ale? I'm surprised. I figured you would want to drink quite a lot after the day you've had."

Fenris shrugged. "Turns out I like the hot tea better than I like the cold ale, surprisingly enough. Wine drinker, me. Also, I suspect I will no longer be allowed to throw empty bottles of anything at the wall."

Faith lifted her head, glared and woofed at him again.

Marian grinned. "Looks like you're right. Looks like you're going to have to turn your life around and stop your wicked ways now. Oh, everyone is refilling their drinks and coming up. Except for Isabela, who left after waiting half an hour."

Fenris shrugged. "I'll apologize next time I see her, but I suspect it is just as well. I imagine it would be much harder to convince her that I don't want to sleep with her if I am actually already in bed."

Marian giggled. Which made him smile, because he didn't get to hear that often. Lots of laughter, but not little girl giggles.

Merrill came back into the room just then and Fenris turned his attention to her. "Merrill, please tell me the cat is okay?"

She plunked down on the bottom corner of the bed so she could lean against the wall and pet Grunt at the same time. She nearly upset Fenris's tea, but didn't notice. "Yes! He had to draw out some water she'd inhaled and she was cold and wet and spitting mad about all of it once she felt a little better. But he's got her dry and warm and now it's true love between them." Merrill smiled happily.

Fenris nodded. "I'm glad. Because I'm not up to rescuing another one any time soon."

Merrill clapped her hands together. "Oh, I haven't missed the story yet, have I? Is it as good as the story of you rescuing Faith?"

He shook his head. "Not to me, but it is much more exciting and quite a bit shorter."

"Don't worry about it, Broody. By the time I get through with it, you'll have rescued some exotic wild tiger escaped from a traveling circus. At a minimum." Varric entered the room with his usual flair.

Fenris smiled. "Varric, I'm glad you stayed."

Varric blinked. "You're smiling? Hawke, he's smiling? I thought you were upset?"

"Well, I was when I went for a walk but then I had an excellent conversation with a very wise woman who helped me reason things out. Not to mention that rescuing damsels in distress seems to put me in a good mood."

"So, the cat's a girl, eh?" Varric looked around and then sat against the wall so he could see the whole room, like Fenris.

"That is apparently the case, according to Merrill."

"Am I going to have to give you a different nickname? Is this the end of Broody, what with the new dog and the smiling? By the way, just so you are aware, Choirboy and I are taking it upon ourselves to ensure that you are not allowed out alone again for quite some time. First the dog, now the cat. Who knows what will be next if we don't nip this streak in the bud?"

Merrill pouted. "Oh, Varric. Don't say that. I've always wanted a pony and I was hoping he'd find one next."

Varric shook his head firmly. "Sorry Daisy. But we are now officially on Pony Procurement Prevention Patrol. Besides, I don't think there's enough grass in the alienage to support one."

She sighed. "You're right. I know. They're just so cute. Like chunky halla."

Fenris said quite seriously, "I'm not making any promises, mind you, but I'll keep my eyes open when we're out." He took a drink of his hot tea to keep the smile off his face.

"Would you? That would be so kind. I'll send you with some carrots just in case." She smiled, mollified by just the thought of Fenris looking for one.

Aveline and Sebastian wandered in with their drinks, Aveline having brought an extra one for Marian, who'd brought Fenris the hot tea and the plate when she'd come up herself.

"So, we're just waiting on Blondie now, is that right?" Varric asked.

Aveline chuckled. "If Anders finally got his hands on a cat, we may never see him again."

Fenris looked at Marian, "Is Grunt tolerant of cats?"

Marian nodded. "There were a few in Lothering he enjoyed chasing, but it was always just play. Sometimes he'd snuggle with one or two. He'll behave."

Fenris looked down at his lap, "Faith? Do you know what a cat is?"

Yes (with a 'have you lost your mind, of course I know what a cat is' expression)

"Will you leave Anders' new and probably still terrified cat alone if he brings her in the room?"

Yes (felines are beneath my notice)

Fenris shrugged. "So someone go tell Anders he can bring her in. I mean, I've sort of ruined the party you all planned, but I have something to talk to you about and then we could play Wicked Grace or Diamondback if you like. I feel much better now that I've warmed up and eaten something."

Varric cocked his head to the side. "So, you're not mad anymore, you want to apologize AND you want to be social afterwards? Who are you and what have you done with the real Broody?"

Fenris laughed. "Oh, I'm still him. As sardonic and prickly as ever. But it ended up being a good day and I ended up being in a good mood, so enjoy it while it lasts. At midnight I turn back into a rabid frog."

Sebastian came back in the room with Anders just then. Everyone looked at Anders with curiosity. "Where's the cat, Anders?"

He smiled. "She's sleeping in the big pocket inside my coat. She's small, very young, very thin and it looks like she just weaned a litter, but she ate with good appetite and is exhausted after her ordeal. Thank you, Fenris."

Fenris lifted his mug in a toast. "I'm just happy it worked out and neither of us drowned. So, do you all want the story first or the apology? Or even the epiphany?"

Varric spoke first, "Well, the apology is likely to be the unpleasant part. So if it is important to you to say it, then say it first. But if it isn't, odds are we'll forget about it later. Up to you. We all agreed we were okay without one, considering how circumstances have sort of snowballed on you the last few weeks."

Fenris frowned. "Well, it is important and I do want to say it, but I'm not sure the explanation will carry over and my thoughts will probably be all over the place. Try to let me get through the whole thing without interruption, if possible. See, I thought about all this the entire way to the waterfall at the river on the way up Sundermount. I sat down on the rock there because just that amount of walking exhausted me, but I still hadn't figured out an answer. The way things stood between all of us before I found Faith, I had kept our friendships carefully balanced so I felt none of you owed me and I didn't owe any of you. As an example, this morning, I felt enormously indebted to Marian and her Mother for taking care of me all this time and to Anders and Merrill for taking care of Faith and me both. Debts that I had no idea how I was going to satisfy and therefore debts that would trap me in Kirkwall until they were paid. I understood that it made you happy to make me happy by doing things here, but I couldn't come to terms with the thought of owing you all that much; so it wasn't something I could actually be happy about. I did not understand that the debt, if you will, cancelled itself out because you really were happy." Fenris took a long drink of tea to moisten his throat before he continued.

"Well, who should happen along but Keeper Marethari. She greeted me and asked if she could join me. It was almost as if she knew I needed an impartial third party to speak with. She'd gone to visit Feynriel's mother. And Merrill, she said to tell you hello and that she hopes you are doing well. I told her how helpful you had been while I was ill and injured and how much better your medicine tasted than Anders'. She said it was your specialty and the children liked yours much better than hers."

Merrill smiled but managed to not interrupt.

"At any rate, we spoke for a long time. I had realized recently that I don't understand normal interaction with others works, especially friendship. So I did some reading about early childhood development and the way children learn to form friendships. And that it forms the basis of how they form relationships during their adult lives as well. Please don't think I'm playing the slave card again, but the first memory I have is waking on Danarius's table having had the lyrium carved into me. I was an adult. From that point on I never learned to deal with people on anything other than a master / slave basis or a slave / slave basis. And I apparently didn't automatically remember what I had done as a child. And when I escaped six years ago, I didn't stop running until I got to Kirkwall just over three years ago.

"This whole time I've been in Kirkwall, half of me has been forming friendships that are very important to me-without understanding them-while the other half was trying to be ready to run again at a moment's notice. So the running half was trying hard not to accrue friendship debt, if that makes any sense. Marethari said my adult brain was trying to treat friendship like a business with a profit/loss column. That I had separated the different aspects of my life in my mind enough that I didn't realize I was constantly receiving help, when I thought I had been entirely self reliant. And also that I had been giving help at times without thinking of it as being help. Such as Varric's work references and Aveline's interference for me with the nobles.

"The most important thing that Marethari helped me figure out was that I was afraid of all this debt, not because it traps me in Kirkwall, but because now if I'm in Kirkwall when Danarius comes for me, he won't be putting just me and random sellswords in danger, but me and the only people in my life that I care about, that have cared about me. I would be hurt if I ran because I would miss you and at the same time I would be hurt if I stayed and Danarius injured or killed one of you.

"So I apologize both for today and for taking three years to realize that while I was dealing with all my other issues I should also have been figuring out how to be a decent friend to all of you. And I think that was all of the apology, if anyone wants to say anything or ask any questions." Fenris was blushing and hoarse by the time he finished. He took a drink of tea and then looked down at Faith's head and petted it while he waited.

After a moment he heard a little sniffling from different directions in the room and then he looked up when Varric broke out in laughter that sounded oddly thick. "Keep it up, Broody, and I think you'll end up the most emotionally healthy person I know. Including me."

Aveline was smiling as she asked him, "Fenris, does this mean if I ask you again to do some training for the guard that you'll accept?"

His eyes widened and he nodded. "Yes, definitely, with my thanks. Because I have to manage to keep Faith in food. She eats more than I do."

Faith growled at him without bothering to raise her head and everyone laughed.

Merrill spoke up, "Ah, now. She's eating for fifteen! Just wait till you see how much she'll need to eat when she's nursing them."

Fenris shook his head. "My coin purse is already quivering in fear, Merrill, please don't scare it any further."

Merrill blushed. "Sorry. Oh, can we hear the story now?"

Fenris looked around and everyone nodded. "Alright. So is there anyone who doesn't understand where Marethari and I were sitting? That big flat rock on the river by the falls, where everyone swims in the summer and the daring ones jump off the rock?"

Hawke sighed. "That's such a pretty spot, even if it does still smell like the foundry district."

Fenris nodded. "It is but when I sat down there I did so because I was too exhausted to go any further. In fact, I distinctly remember wishing I could go for a swim and realizing that the current would be too much for me today. The last thing Marethari said to me before we said our goodbyes was something about whether I wanted to be the kind of person who took personal pleasure in doing good things for others or not. Then she specifically said "whether you go out of your way to do so or simply happen to be in the right place at the right time." When I helped her stand, movement caught my eye over her shoulder and I saw a man walk up to the water's edge and throw that canvas bag into the river. I pointed it out to her, she turned and we both watched it. When I realized the bag had something alive in it, I asked her to watch it for me. The whole time I was taking off everything down to my trousers I said to myself, "I can't believe I'm doing this again." Faith lifted her head and woofed at him, then growled again before she put her head back down.

Hawke laughed at that. "She can't believe you did it either and there was a distinct 'all for a CAT' in there somewhere as well."

Fenris smiled at her and scratched Faith behind the ears. "Somehow I'm not surprised. If she chose me, she must have her own strong opinions about things."

Varric chuckled. "And a stubborn streak a mile wide."

Fenris toasted Varric with his mug for that. "I already figured that one out for myself, thank you. At any rate, when I was ready, Marethari showed me where the bag was, just a few feet from going over the falls. I dove in off the rock and she directed me as best she could. The bag was caught on a stick right underneath, in the swirling foaming part of the current, just at the base of the falls. It made it easy to see and hard to get to but we managed. Swimming to the bank, I honestly wasn't sure I would make it, I was so weak. I'd still be in the river now if Marethari hadn't been there to grab a tree and help me out. She worked on calming the cat down, inside the bag, while I lay there on the ground and tried to learn to breathe normally again. You have never heard so much hissing, spitting and yawling coming from a cat in your life. But after a few minutes it became just desperate meowing; she really wanted out of that bag.

"Merrill, you will especially appreciate this part. I'm still on the ground gasping for breath and manage to get out that I really can't believe I'd done it again and that I was incredibly happy that it was a cat this time because that mean Anders would keep it and not me. And she says, 'Well. I guess you were in the right place at the right time.'"

Merrill laughed aloud. "Oh, the obligatory 'I told you so' moment. I used to hate it when she did that. What did you say?"

"Truthfully? I rolled my head to the side, glared at her and said, "Stop gloating, old woman."

Merrill gasped. "You did NOT! Oh, I wish I could have been there." She laughed until she held her sides.

"I wish you had been there, too. Then YOU could have rescued the cat. Well, Marethari held the cat while I dressed and then told me to hurry because she needed Anders' healing skills as well as his home. So I jogged back towards Kirkwall and here we are."

Aveline got a suspicious look on her face. "Wait a minute. You stripped to your trousers before you jumped in you said?"

Fenris suddenly looked uncomfortable. "I did say that, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did. But when you burst in the door, you were dripping wet. All over. The floor is probably still wet."

Sebastian spoke up, "I mopped that up actually."

Fenris smiled, "Thanks for that, Sebastian. I would not have thought a Chantry brother would know how to mop."

But Varric knew when a subject was deliberately being changed and he jumped in before Sebastian could even open his mouth. "Oh, no you don't. Aveline's right. What happened between the river and your front door?"

Fenris sighed and the tips of his ears turned red. "My legs were shaky and I couldn't catch my breath by the time I reached the square. So I sat down on the edge of the fountain, just for a minute. I sat near the maiden pouring water out of the pitcher, trying to let the mist cool me off a little bit. It felt good, so I leaned back a bit trying to get more of it and I leaned back a little too far. We fell in and she didn't bounce right back from it, so I ran the rest of the way." He seemed so embarrassed at having admitted to weakness that everyone smiled and tried hard not to laugh. Until he noticed and sighed and said, "Oh, go ahead."

He finished his tea while listening to his friends laugh at his expense and for the first time in his memory did not feel like the laughter directed at him was intended to be cruel, that it was not mocking him, but simply sharing in his experience. Fenris handed his empty mug to Marian, who swapped it out for the other full mug of tea.

When silence reigned again, Fenris asked. "So, shall we play Wicked Grace or Diamondback? Or are you all just going to laugh at my pain and leave now?"

Wicked Grace was quickly voted on and the cards grabbed. They agreed to not play for money so Fenris didn't have to go sit downstairs. While the first hand was being dealt by Sebastian, rather awkwardly due to playing on the bed, Varric remembered something Fenris had said and asked another question.

"So, anti-Broody, what was the epiphany?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You said there was an apology, a story and an epiphany."

"Ah. You're right, I did say that. What I realized on the way home is that I was on my way HOME, not just to where I sleep at night. And that I am glad I decided to stay in Kirkwall three years ago. I won't have my foot halfway out of the city anymore." Fenris reached out and took Hawke's hand and held it.

And in the silence that followed, Anders' jacket pocket began to purr.


	12. Papa Fen-Fen

12.

Papa Fen-Fen

A.N. Domestic Fenris? I PROMISE he'll be back in character after this. PROMISE.

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12.

Papa Fen-Fen

Fenris kept his word and within a week he and Faith made a trip up Sundermount. He felt well enough to keep his promise to Faith and carry her while running with activated markings a few times on the way to and from the Dalish camp. She still loved it and had even tried begging for him to do it around the house a few times but they quickly discovered there just wasn't enough room, even in the backyard. Marethari had been pleased to see them, happy to hear the cat had survived and was thriving in Anders' care. The Keeper was also delighted to meet Faith. While Fenris had Master Ilen fashion a link to attach her mate's medallion to her collar, Marethari took Faith for a walk. She assured Fenris afterwards that the mabari was slightly nervous about impending motherhood and grieving for her lost mate who would never see his puppies. Her particular gifts allowed her to offer some reassurance to the dog for both nerves and survivor's guilt.

When they had returned home, Fenris had knelt before her and shown her the medallion, then placed it on her collar. "For remembrance," he had said, "as promised. I never know what to say in these situations but I am here." She had licked his chin and given a quiet but mournful howl. Then she had dragged him to the bed where she spent the entire day pressed up against him with her head in his lap. Strangely, he had not minded but instead had grabbed some cold tea for the hot day, rested his arm on her back and read aloud to her from _A Slave's Life_. It had been surprisingly helpful to him in learning how to handle the struggle of suffering; he could only hope it would help her.

He was slowly getting on his feet financially but as yet there had only been a few weeks of actively seeking assignments outside of anything with Marian. He kept himself and Faith in food, especially with having lunch or dinner every day at the Hawke estate. He spent a little of his coin at the used book seller on a book about how to raise a litter of puppies. Fenris took great pride, though he never told even Marian how much, in buying lumber and building Faith a whelping box. A really big and fairly tall whelping box which would have pride of place in his own bedroom. Faith watched him as he hammered it together and licked his hand when he smashed his thumb doing so. He took Faith with him to pick out enough surplus tile to line the box with; Fenris wanted the bright white but she guided him to the more practical and easy to keep clean beige instead. The shopkeeper would have laughed at an elf asking a mabari its opinion on flooring except that Fenris's armor and enormous sword were quite intimidating. He decided a joke wasn't worth being impaled over, rang him up and wished him a pleasant day.

After having read the book on puppy raising, he did not take Faith shopping with him for bedding, knowing that he would be going to the second hand shops around town and buying as many useable blankets and quilts as he could find, along with a lot of rags. He went round to the Hawke estate with his purchases in order to use their laundry room to scrub said purchases with lye soap to make sure they were clean and free of bugs. Orana was kind enough to demonstrate the use of the washboard, cautioning him to be careful about his knuckles, which he scraped raw anyway. Fenris had the ability at his own home to wash and rinse things by hand, but he didn't have much of anything else laundry related. The unused servant's entrance was in the laundry room, so he had carried the unwashed things in that way and the wet things out the back after dark and to his own home, where he had hung a clothesline in the backyard. After putting a few of the covers in the box, he was as ready as he could be for Faith to deliver. And to his great relief, she approved of the box.

As Faith had gotten larger and closer to her time, he had declined to attend the Wicked Grace and Diamond Back games at the Hanged Man, fearful as he was to leave her side unnecessarily. Instead, after Hawke had whispered the idea to him, he suggested to all of them that they come play at his house. At first it felt rather awkward to Fenris to have the gang's twice weekly gambling sessions in his home rather than at the Hanged Man. After just a few meetings, Varric had remarked that it was kind of nice to play in a quiet environment that didn't smell like smoke and unwashed bodies for a change and Fenris realized he was right. He actually enjoyed having his friends over to a house that he had begun to take some pride in; he took pleasure in playing the host. They were all able to sit around unarmed for a change, checking their weapons at the door. It wasn't BYOB, since Varric always had a keg of ale sent over earlier in the day and Fenris had the wine cellar, but people did tend to bring their own refreshments. Someone, usually Marian, always stayed to help clean up afterwards. And if Fenris realized that he was winning a few more pots than normal, he was finally wise enough to appreciate the kindness and keep the knowledge to himself.

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Early one evening at the Hawke Estate, Marian was getting dressed to go to Fenris's house for Wicked Grace. It was Bodhan's and Orana's night off and she had given them a good bonus so they could go enjoy a local festival happening that night in Lowtown. Bodhan appreciated the extra eye on Sandal and Orana was kept safe in their company. In appreciation, Orana had made her now famous spice cake with caramel frosting for Marian to take to the get together. Her mother was looking forward to a quiet night at home with her reading.

Marian was slipping a tunic on over her head when she heard knocking at the door; frantic, rapid knocking that quickly turned into frantic, rapid pounding. "See who it is before you open the door!" (Being startled apparently made Hawke forget that her mother did, in fact, have more than two brain cells to rub together.) Marian had the shirt on but not pants. She grabbed the pair she'd chosen out of the closet and practically jumped into them on the run to the stairs, which she ran down without buttoning said pants, worried about what her mother might be facing. By that time her mother had made it to the door. Leandra called out in her best 'how rude!' voice, "Who's there please?"

"Fenris! It's Fenris, Lady Hawke! And it's time, I need you, I need Marian!" By that time Leandra had the door open and tried to get Fenris to come in but he bounced back and forth from foot to foot on the steps, wearing not his normal armor but one of the stay at home outfits that she had sewn for him. "Where's Marian?"

Leandra shook her head in confusion, "She's getting dressed to come over to your house, Fenris, what in the world is the matter?"

"It's time! Faith is having the puppies! She needs you! And Marian! And I have to go get Anders and then Merrill." His eyes were so wide they appeared as if they might pop right out.

Marian made it to the door just then; pants still unbuttoned, barefoot, breathless. "Fenris, calm down. Dogs have been having puppies for hundreds of years, relax. We'll be right there." Marian made the mistake of looking down to button the fly on her trousers and therefore was unable to dodge the hand that shot out to grab her arm and pull her out the doorway.

She struggled but Fenris was stronger and in a panic. "It's her first litter, she won't know what to do!"

Marian held on long enough to look back at Leandra. "Mother, if you don't mind gathering a few things and coming over? And can you grab my flats? Fenris, calm down!" She gave in and ran with him, her free hand at her waist holding her pants together.

Leandra was laughing hard enough that it was difficult to answer. "Of course, dear, I'll be right over. Give him some whiskey first thing, that's what we always did for your father." Her laughter echoed as she shut the door behind her but Hawke couldn't hear her. Fenris had her at the corner by then and she was just trying to keep up with him.

"Ow, my foot! Fenris, slow down! You didn't let me put my shoes on. Or fasten my pants." Hawke only hoped they reached his house before she lost her hold on her trousers, her neighbors received a free show and Aveline received a complaint.

Her words seemed to finally get through to him, because he slowed down for a moment and looked at her. "I apologize. I'm quite worried."

"I can tell, but it's fine. Just stop and stand in front of me while I button my pa... Hey! That is NOT what I meant was fine. Fenris, put me down! This is NOT OKAY!" He'd swung her up in his arms and kept running. They'd hit the straight stretch to his house and it was clear of obstacles. He activated his markings and was at his front door insanely fast. Aveline was definitely going to get complaints.

Fenris had shut his markings off but was still moving too fast for her to keep up with. Logically she knew he had opened the door but all she saw was the stairs they were on and heard the sound of the door bouncing off the wall behind it. Again. She was beginning to get queasy from all the jiggling. Suddenly they were in his bedroom, at a standstill and he dropped her lower half like a boulder. Her feet hit the floor like she'd jumped off her stairwell. Marian glared at him but he didn't notice. The moment she was standing on her own he'd released her without a look and gone to kneel by the side of the whelping box.

He put his hand out to stroke Faith on the neck and she did lean into it for comfort but at the same time she also looked at Marian and sort of rolled her eyes. She watched Marian finish buttoning her pants up and sighed as close to apologetically as a dog could get.

Fenris immediately quit touching her and sat up straight. "She sighed. What does that mean? Is she in pain? What do we do?" Faith put her head down, closed her eyes and sighed again.

Marian realized that her mother was right. "Right. The first thing we need is hard liquor for, um, sterilization purposes. Not wine. Not ale. Hard liquor. Do you have any?"

Fenris concentrated for a moment, grabbed his coin purse from his bookshelf and bolted from the room without another word. Marian took the opportunity to sit down on the bed, pull the small piece of glass out of her foot and toss it in the trash. "Sorry about that, Faith. He's not handling this well, is he?"

A low woof.

"Are you still just having contractions? Not ready to push yet? Make the same noise again if that's the case."

Another low woof.

"Good. My mother is on her way with the things we need. When we get a drink into Fenris we'll send him for Anders and Merrill, he was headed there next. They were both coming for the game tonight anyway." Marian sighed. "Back in Lothering I helped deliver a few litters of dogs and cats, a few goats, and cows and even an enormous draft horse. We'll be fine." She held out her hands, spread apart. "Can I get you something to eat?"

No

"Water?"

No

"Rub your belly?"

A pause. Yes.

Without hesitation, Marian got up off the bed and got into the box with Faith. She sat down carefully where she could lean against the wall and still easily reach the dog's belly. It was also the business end of things, where she would want to be when labor progressed anyway. She began rubbing in gentle circles, sending light waves of warm energy to help soothe the muscles. Faith groaned in pleasure and turned more on her side to enjoy it.

"Feels good?"

Woof.

"I'm glad. Let me know if you need anything else." The two sat in companionable silence. Marian privately wondered where Fenris had gotten off to, reassuring herself that Fenris would never, EVER try to haul her mother here the way he had her.

Fenris still wasn't back when she heard a loud, "Hello, house!" from Aveline. Someone must have found a guard when they saw Fenris running away with Hawke. The guards had standing instructions to get Aveline for anything related to Fenris or any Hawke.

"We're upstairs, Aveline!" She called back.

"I ran into your mother on the way here and she explained. I put your cake on the game table. Why's the door standing open?" Aveline made it to the room quickly and quietly, which meant she was dressed casually for game night. Marian smiled to herself: Donnic must be coming, too.

Marian sighed and shook her head. "Fenris must have left it open on his way out. I know he left it open on his way in."

Leandra came in at that moment. "Do we have any arrivals yet?" She walked far enough into the room to see that there were not. "No, I see we do not. Faith, dear, I know the belly rubs are wonderful. But do you need anything?"

Marian smiled at her mother while continuing her belly rubs. "We just went through that."

Her mother smiled. "Did you remember to remind her to go outside and do her business if she can?"

"Uh, no. I didn't. I'm not used to doing this with an animal that can communicate so well. Faith, do you feel up to it?"

The dog grumbled but got to her feet and walked slowly to the stairs. Leandra stayed behind to set up her few supplies and settle in for a long night, but Marian and Aveline followed Faith down the stairs.

Aveline got straight to business. "Leaving the office I was receiving reports from guards that there were complaints of the white haired elf dragging the Hawke girl down the street and then carrying her away against her will."

Marian laughed. "Technically that did happen, but to be fair you have never seen him in such a panic. I was going there anyway, he just got me there faster than expected."

"With bare feet, I see."

"Oh, yes. Trust me, we were fortunate I had trousers on and that they didn't fall off. He picked me up when I cut my foot. I took Mother's advice when we got here and I saw Faith hadn't even started pushing yet. Mother said they always gave my father whiskey first thing so I told Fenris we needed hard liquor. Turns out he didn't have any I guess, because he grabbed his coin purse and ran out the door. He was planning to go get Anders and Merrill, so I don't know if he'll come back here first or not." Marian sighed. Her foot hurt and here she was tracking blood through Fenris's clean house. She'd have to mop after she cleaned and healed the cut.

Aveline chuckled. "Your mother is a wise woman."

"Indeed she is," Marian smiled.

Faith made her way slowly back over to them, having taken Leandra's advice and done all her business. About the time that Faith reached Marian and Aveline, Fenris burst through the door to the back yard with a bottle in his hand.

"What's she doing out here, she should be upstairs in the box! And she's bleeding on the floor, why?!" He shoved the bottle at Aveline and moved to pick Faith up, until Marian grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back from the dog. He whirled on her. "What was that for? I have to get her back upstairs and in the box!"

She took him by the shoulders and looked him dead in the eye. He was too stressed out about Faith to worry about his personal space issues. "Fenris. You need to calm down. Faith walked downstairs to use the bathroom and she will walk back upstairs on her own just fine. She's not bleeding on the floor, I AM. Because I cut my foot while you were dragging me through the street, which all got reported to the guard. RELAX. Take a deep breath."

"But..." he protested.

"Take a deep breath!" That was the 'Hawke giving commands in battle' voice.

He did, his eyes darting to Faith who Aveline was following back inside.

"Now, let it out slowly."

It came out in a whoosh.

"Another."

"But she needs..."

"Take another deep breath, hold it and let it out slowly, damnit!"

This time he did, if for no other reason than to be released to go back upstairs.

Hawke felt a minute amount of relaxing happen. "Keep doing the deep breathing. We're going to calmly walk upstairs and sit down and wait. Faith is not ready to deliver anything. Your anxiety is stressing her out and she doesn't need that right now. Okay?"

"But..." He looked ready to fly apart again.

"No buts. Deep breathing. Calm. Relaxed. Now, walk with me." She stuck her arm through his as if he were escorting her into a ballroom and not at all as if she were keeping him from bolting up the stairs. She picked up a few glasses as they walked through the kitchen, shut the front door again on their way through the living room and also pointed out the new blood spots she made. "See? Me, not Faith. My foot. She's fine. I'll mop later."

"You're bleeding?" He spoke as if he'd just noticed.

"Yes, I'm bleeding. I cut my foot." She patted him on the arm with her free hand. "Are you still doing the deep breathing?"

"Yes." He took an audible deep breath, held it and let it out slowly. " Forgive me. I panicked, didn't I?"

Marian smiled gently and nodded. "Yes, you did. But mother assures me that it's perfectly normal no matter how many times a woman-or a mabari-you love gives birth."

He rubbed his face with his free hand. "I'm fine now, thanks to you. For the moment anyway. How badly is your foot injured? And that happened while I was dragging you through Hightown, didn't it?"

"It's not bad, I didn't realize it was bleeding until I walked downstairs. And yes, it did happen then. But I understand and I'm not angry and neither is Aveline. Are you ready to go back upstairs?"

He sighed. "Yes. I feel foolish now but yes. Please allow me to make up for your injury after all this is over."

"There's no need though if you want to do something together because you really want to and not because you feel guilty, then I would enjoy that. But let's go upstairs and you can see that your girl is okay. Such a large litter is going to take a long time to deliver, it's going to be a late night."

They started walking towards the stairs, Fenris having taken the glasses from Marian to carry himself, but kept her arm in his. "How late?"

She laughed. "Very, very late. There will be plenty of time for all of us to have a few hands of Wicked Grace and not miss a single puppy related event."

When they entered the master bedroom again, Fenris looked to the whelping box and saw that Faith was lying down quietly with her eyes closed. So he immediately spoke to Leandra. "Lady Hawke, Leandra, it seems I owe you yet another apology for my behavior."

Leandra smiled. "Not at all. You should have seen Malcolm when I went into labor with Marian. He was much the same. Now, take one of those glasses, pour yourself a drink of whatever it is you bought and sit down. We have a long wait ahead of us."

Fenris looked at Marian in surprise. "You said we needed the liquor for sterilization. I ran all the way to the Blooming Rose and back for that."

Marian had the good graces to look guilty, even as she took the bottle from Aveline and a glass from Fenris. "Ah, yes. That would be the, uh, sterilization of your panic, so that you calmed down."

He smiled. "I didn't need the liquor for that. I just needed you." Two seconds after he said it he realized how it had sounded and turned beet red. He was then quite happy to take the glass of whiskey Marian handed him and go sit down in the corner next to Faith.

Marian couldn't stop herself from smiling dreamily, which Aveline rolled her eyes at and her mother smiled indulgently. But Marian was happy to return to making the dog as comfortable as possible. "Faith, would you like me to rub your belly some more?"

She woofed and shifted more onto her side, so Marian took that as a yes. Faith had laid back down in the same place she was before, so when Marian sat down again she was facing Fenris. Who seemed too embarrassed to look at her, so Marian just concentrated on Faith.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before a knock came on the front door. Aveline volunteered to hop up and get it and soon they had Varric, Anders, Isabela and Merrill in the room with them as well.

Marian grinned. "Anders, Merrill, Fenris is very happy to see you. Faith is in the early stages of labor and he will accept all the help he can get."

Anders grinned. "I'm certainly happy to stand by and assist as needed. But animals tend to deliver very independently as a rule."

"I'm sure she would appreciate it if most of us went downstairs and gave her space with her family." Merrill understood animal behavior pretty well. As smart as Faith seemed, she was still a dog and dogs prefer to give birth in peaceful, quiet environments and generally alone.

Varric grinned slyly. "Well, I did happen to notice that there was one of Orana's spice cakes sitting square in the middle of the game table. I guess we'll have to eat it before we can play."

And thus, everyone went back downstairs, Merrill winking to Marian as she closed the door behind them. A short while later, the sound of one last knock carried up the stairs, soon followed by Donnic's deep voice greeting everyone.

Fenris started bouncing his leg up and down in nervousness and Leandra noticed. "Fenris," she said quietly, "that whiskey is for drinking, not staring into. It will settle your nerves a bit."

Fenris opened his mouth as if to object, then thought better of it. "Yes, Lady Hawke." He took a deep swallow, grimaced at the taste and followed it up immediately with another deep swallow. Faith chose that moment to groan and stretch uncomfortably; he could see her sides moving all the while. Fidgeting again, he drank the last half of the glass of whiskey and set it aside.

Marian decided Fenris needed a really easy job to do. "Fenris, would you mind getting a bucket or large bowl of water and some soap? I can heat it up here, but I'd like to be able to wash my hands between puppies and I forgot about it until just this moment."

"Bucket. Water. Soap. I can do that." He reached out to stroke Faith's head and then drew it back as if afraid to touch her. Then he was at the door and gone.

Marian looked up at her mother in the corner. "Was Father really that nervous?"

"Much more so, actually. Fenris calmed down quite nicely once you spoke with him. I just hope it will last through the multiple deliveries. Your father never had to deal with more than two."

Marian stopped her rubbing to get Faith's attention. "Speaking of deliveries, Faith, start pushing whenever you feel you're ready. I'll tear the placenta open around the nose so they can breathe, move them closer to your head since there are so many and leave the rest up to you. Make a little noise if that's okay."

Woof.

"Alright. That's the plan then. On your time, then, dear girl." She resumed her belly rubs.

Faith stretched and groaned again just as Fenris came back in the room and he nearly dropped the things he'd gotten. He'd managed to think to bring some of the rags he'd bought for the delivery, too. Fenris set everything in Marian's reach and sat back down by Faith's head.

Marian knew there wasn't a whole lot of time left before puppy arrival, so she swirled a little heat magic on the water and washed her hands with the soap. She rinsed them with a wet rag.

She was just in time, too. Faith groaned and pushed and the first little Mabari puppy entered the world. Marian put her hands around the slimy, squiggly thing and tore a hole in the placenta at the nose, then moved the baby up near Faith's head as promised. Then she suddenly thought of something. "Um, Fenris. Are you aware that she will, um, ingest the afterbirth and that it helps her stay in labor? Are you going to be okay with that or do I need to have Varric come get you?"

He looked up at her in surprise. "It was in the book I read. It can't possibly be any grosser than giant spider guts all over us, can it?"

She smiled happily at him as she washed her hands again. "Of course not. I have to hand it to you, when you calm yourself down, you stay calmed down. I really expected to send you downstairs to get drunk while Mom and I helped Faith."

He shrugged. "You very nearly had to do that. When I realized I'd hurt you because I panicked, I made myself follow your instructions about the deep breathing. I will confess that I don't plan to actually WATCH her ingest the afterbirth. I'm completely ignoring it right now by looking directly at you."

Marian laughed. "You're so pragmatic. I've always liked that about you. Ooop, look, puppy number two!" She repeated the process. "They aren't normally quite so fast but I guess it's the sheer numbers."

After Faith cleaned the second puppy, Fenris looked down at her and stroked her head. "Would you like me to dry them a bit for you?" Faith shoved her head upwards under his hand and then lowered her head to gently nudge the first puppy towards him with her nose.

Marian couldn't get over how adorable that was. She checked and Leandra had the same soft look on her face that she knew she had on her own. Marian dried her hands as he gently picked up the first puppy and ever so carefully rested it on the cloth in the palm of his other hand. Fenris moved the cloth down the puppy's body in the direction the hair lay until the top was dry, then held it in one hand, index finger supporting the head, as he dried the chest and legs.

Leandra spoke up. "Fenris, do you know how to tell the sexes?"

He shook his head. "No, My Lady. The book had drawings, but they are so small now that they are here. I can't be sure."

Leandra stood and walked over, wanting to be part of this special time in her daughter's life with the man she truly cared about. "Give me your hand, dear, so I can sit down. I'll show you how and we'll take inventory as they arrive."

Fenris smiled at her and held his hand up, keeping his touch gentle but his arm firm and rigid so she had the support she needed to sit down. Leandra made herself comfortable next to him and then had him bring the puppy between them. Marian watched them as they put their heads together, Fenris paying close attention to her mother's puppy gender lesson just as he did in their own reading lessons.

Fenris looked up at Marian. "This first one is a girl. Is that correct, Lady Hawke?"

Leandra smiled. "It is, indeed, a girl, Fenris. Now you'll want to set her carefully up against Faith for warmth and to see if she'll nurse. By the time most of them are here, we'll probably have them wrapped in a blanket until she's done, but for now, first come first served at the milk bar."

Fenris laughed quietly and did as she said. Then he carefully picked up the second puppy and they repeated the process: Dry, sex and belly up to the bar. The second puppy was also a girl.

Marian was so enthralled watching the two of them together that she almost missed the arrival of puppy number three. The hours passed slowly and quietly after that. Fenris was happy to simply sit and pet Faith between pups. Marian was happy to sit and rub Faith's belly. And Leandra was happy to go report progress while the game was still ongoing and to dip a bowl in the chicken she'd been cooking on low since she arrived. Every couple of puppies, Fenris could coax Faith to eat a little chicken and drink a little chicken broth. Their friends came in small groups to say good night, good luck and to ooh and ahh over the new arrivals. Anders agreed to sleep on the couch in the weapons room for a few hours in case he was needed, on the condition that he be allowed to take the shortcut home through the Hawke mansion.

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First time litters can often be distressing with inexperienced mothers and in any delivery there was always the chance things would go wrong. Little lives can be lost before they ever have a chance to begin. Marian was a farm girl and her mother had spent enough time on the farm that they knew the reality of these things. As did Anders. And probably, as did Faith. Marian prayed to the Maker and Andraste both that everything with this litter would go right. Faith had experienced so much loss. Fenris had experienced so much trauma. They had just found each other and it would be terribly unfair to have disaster strike this litter, to experience anything other than the delight of newborn healthy puppies. But as the sun came up on a rare beautiful day in Kirkwall, something did go wrong.

There were fifteen puppies. Not fourteen. Merrill had been mistaken. Faith took it in stride. Fenris was stunned. "She's so thin! And the whelping box is so full!"

They woke Anders up and with a wave of his magic hand he pronounced everyone healthy and all deliveries completed. He tweaked a little something with his healing to help Faith's milk come in quickly and in volume. Then he sleepily escorted Leandra home.

Leandra, who reminded Fenris to come for dinner that night, to continue feeding Faith the chicken and broth she'd made and who hugged him as she left. Who insisted he was to come bang on their door any time he needed either her or Marian.

Marian, who made breakfast and very strong tea for Fenris while he readied himself for a day's work escorting a merchant from point A to point B and then back to point A. Marian, who had happily and graciously agreed to stay and sleep in Fenris's bed where Faith could wake her if necessary, who would never, ever tell anyone, especially him, that last night she had nicknamed him "Papa Fen-Fen." Marian, who planned to shamelessly hug his pillow to her and drink in the scent of Fenris.

And Fenris, who was overflowing with happiness this day and it was such an unfamiliar feeling that he believed it was his heart complaining to him about lack of sleep. Fenris, who hugged Marian to him for a long time before he left, who let himself kiss her goodbye and blamed it on exhaustion but who would carry the memory of the smile on her face with him the entire day. Fenris, who eagerly anticipated the end of the day so he could go home and be with his family.


	13. Dog Days And Hard Goodbyes

13.

Dog Days And Hard Goodbyes

A.N. - I have been remiss. I never mentioned what color Faith was, did I? She and most of the puppies are black, which is rare in a Mabari I thought though I don't know that 'rare' will ever be featured in the story. The others are red which we assume came from Dad. (Mabari in Dragon Age seem to have red -or fawn, which is red dog with a dilution factor- as a dominant color to recessive black, so mom being black and having red pups meant that she had the expressed black gene and one red copy and that dad was Red, with the expressed red gene and one black copy.) Inquisition's wild black mabari sort of tossed that sought after color theory aside, but we'll fake it till we make it, right? Though in real life, black is dominant to red. And all colors in all dogs, cats, and horses are based off of modifiers on black and red. Thus endeth the lesson.

Also, I seem to have accidentally made last chapter look like a happy ending. Didn't mean to, I promise. Consider it the close of the first act of this story, which *WILL* have a happy ending. I'm not too good at tragedy. Sometimes I'm not apparently good at comedy either, BUT... I write a lot of author's notes and that has to make up for something. Also, I made myself cry with this, which I never do over normal things. But something about the dogs... I'll be interested to see if any of you had the same reaction though it's not something I was really trying to wring out of anyone, especially me.

Special to kwiksilvr - Thank you! I'm having fun with this story. And I hope readers will enjoy the surprises ahead.

Special to MirandaBasilisk - Actually, I didn't have to do any studying. I have had two different friends over the course of a few decades that have raised dogs. Been present for a birth or two. I tried to draw the line carefully between realism and hurling. lol I'm still thinking about the division of sexes. I will know what it is when it's time I suppose. There were still fourteen puppies until two seconds before I wrote that there were fifteen so it's whatever they tell me to do.

Special to Kyle Chaulklin - Thank you so much. It's still in progress though, so stick around.

13.

Dog Days And Hard Goodbyes

Until they opened their little blue puppy eyes (which the book assured him would change color later) and started walking around on their own wobbly legs, raising this litter of puppies had been enjoyable. Fenris worked as often as he could; Faith struggled to maintain her weight while she was nursing though she always had milk for her litter. Foresight having told him to make the whelping box very big and also fairly tall, he didn't have to worry about the litter getting out of it any time soon. It was still necessary, however, to come home from work and spend a lot of time letting them out of it to run around with close supervision from him and Faith. Many days Leandra came over with extra treats for Faith and she swore to Fenris that she ENJOYED sitting on his floor, holding puppies in her lap, happy to help him socialize them. Marian came by every night to help him carry a large basket of puppies to the Hawke Estate, where they were supervised by Faith and Grunt during dinner and socialized by everyone in the house afterwards. Fun was had by all as the puppies learned to eat solid food out of pans. And to play in solid food in pans. And to wear the solid foods out of said pans. As they drank less and ate more he had to mop more often, of course, but it let Faith gain her weight back and get the glossy sheen back on her black coat.

But then the puppies got bigger. And faster. And they grew teeth that liked to chew on things. Marian and Grunt were needed to herd them to dinner like cattle. Every day possible either he and Marian or he and Grunt (if Marian was busy) would take Faith and the puppies out of Hightown and on the paths around the area. Tired puppies equals sleeping puppies, even at the very exciting dinners at the Hawke Estate where they got to play with Sandal. The downside to that is that the more exercise they got, the more stamina they developed and therefore the more often he had to spend taking them out for walks. By their eighth week he'd taken to spending any night when there was no work the next day with pleasant weather expected camping somewhere with the little buggers. They chased and ate bugs, fussed with one another, pulled tails, dragged sticks, ran into and out of the tiniest of the waves on the Wounded Coast while barking viciously at them. An endless source of both amusement and work.

He'd begun to allow the residents of Hightown and members of the guard interested in a mabari puppy to come by and visit yet they always left unchosen. The few friends he had interested in a puppy came by and left unchosen. He was beginning to become concerned but Leandra, who watched them for Fenris while he worked now that they were like a pack of locusts, assured him the right people would come along at the right time; to enjoy the time he had with them while they were little and cute and his. He struggled to take her advice, especially as they began to be able to pull themselves out of the whelping box and into his bed while he tried to sleep. Faith encouraged him, in their bizarre sign language, to break the box down and turn the wood into two half doors to serve as gates so he could lock all fifteen of the little devils into the bedroom or into the back yard if he needed some peace. It was around that time that the card games got moved back to the Hanged Man because it was quieter and less chaotic. At least with Faith and Grunt watching the litter, he could go gamble- carefully.

Most of his work came from Hawke, more so than usual anyway. Paid work from the Viscount. Errands for the Qunari. The Bone Pit. Apostates. Mercenaries, bandits, Tal-Vashoth. Oh my. The list was almost endless. Short term merchant bodyguard work continued during the spaces in between. But Fenris was nervous, the city was a powder keg just looking for a spark to make it explode.

One night he was busy cleaning himself and the floor up after feeding puppies while Faith finished her own dinner before cleaning the puppies themselves. Fenris was thrilled to see that Faith's milk was drying up and her teats were no longer hanging to where they were in danger of her stepping on them. Mostly that meant he had to feed the puppies more and constantly, but so far he was keeping up with things.

He had just finished putting his leather tunic and pants on while preparing to head to the Hanged Man for Wicked Grace when a frantic knock hit his door before he could add the armor. He'd taken to locking it as the puppies became older and more likely to a) get stolen and b) figure a way out and into trouble. As he walked down the stairs to the door the knocking turned to banging so he began to hurry. His stomach turned to lead in premonition; his heart stopped beating in his chest when he opened the door to a terrified Marian with a miserable looking Grunt leaning against her. "What's wrong?"

She fisted a hand in her hair; a sure sign that she was struggling to keep up appearances. "It's Mother. She's gone missing. And she received white lilies yesterday." Her face fell and her eyes welled up. "I never told anyone at home what they meant. I need you, Fenris. Will you come?"

He wanted to reach out and cup a hand on her cheek or hug her to him but he knew in that knotted up gut of his that there was no time. "Hawke. Marian. You don't even have to ask." Fenris spun around back into the interior of the house and ran for the stairs. "Faith! Little Buggers! There's an emergency; everyone back to bed. Move it!" To Faith and the puppies credit, they moved as fast as they could up the stairs. Fenris carried an armful and made a second trip but they were all upstairs before he could make a third. He closed the gate and trotted next door to the weapons room where he buckled himself into the breastplate and gauntlets in record time. Sheathing the sword, he ran back to Marian. "I'm ready. Where to?"

She sniffed and pulled herself together, struggling to put away the scared child she was and become the fearless battle mage she'd grown into. "We're going to the Hanged Man, to pick up the others. Aveline already has word out with the Guard. Maker, Fenris."

He shut the door behind him, grabbed her hand and they ran for the stairs to Lowtown with Grunt beside them.

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Hours later, Fenris returned to the Mansion alone. He'd forgotten his key and had to use his old 'through the window' entrance. The oft repeated task brought no comfort. He dragged himself upstairs and dropped his sword and armor to the floor to clean later, something he never did. Changing into one of the soft, warm garments Leandra had made for him was comforting but not enough. He returned to the bedroom, intending to let the puppies out in the backyard and clean up any messes they might have made while he was gone. (Also, not a comfort.) But Faith took one look at him when he opened the gate, jumped off the bed and out of the nest of her litter and ran to him. She leaned against him as he knelt and hugged her. Faith sniffed him thoroughly and when she was done she knew what she needed to know. She threw her head back and howled mournfully for the loss of one of the kindest women any of them had ever known.

By some miracle the puppies had held their bladders and other things and as they hurried past him to hop awkwardly down the stairs to the doggie door, they each stopped to lick his hand. They knew nothing more than that Fenris was upset. He sighed and made to follow them downstairs, to sit on the stairs to watch while they played in the yard. But they weren't playful. They did their business and gathered around him in a familial knot with Faith, to comfort and be comforted though they didn't understand why.

Fenris wanted a drink but was surrounded by dogs and getting covered in their black or red hair. He discovered their presence was more solace than alcohol anyway. He sighed and started the story he didn't want to tell but he knew Faith wanted to hear. "We found Leandra, imprisoned by another Maker be damned blood mage. A necromancer. A mad one." He shivered with the memory, it had been one of the more horrifying things he had ever seen in his own horrifying existence. Fenris put an arm around Faith, ignoring the tears that rolled down his cheeks. The dogs didn't care if it wasn't manly. "When we managed to kill him and his demons; we found her and, Faith, she... she had been cut apart and sewn back together on who knows how many other women. It's truly the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed. He'd used her face and voice, because they were the same as his dead wife's. The way he used other women for other parts. The closest thing to a mother I have ever known and we couldn't keep her safe and now she's gone in the most awful way possible."

Suddenly, Fenris stood up, jumped over all the puppies and took a few more steps into the yard before he vomited the limited contents of his stomach into the grass. He retched until it hurt then slowly worked his way back to them. The pups made a path for him to retake his seat without need of an acrobatics display. He stretched his legs out in front of him then and had fifteen tiny heads resting on both sides of his legs. It put a knot in his throat. Faith leaned against his chest, demanding a hug. He gave it to her and cried heavily into her shoulder for several minutes.

"Leandra was being kept alive by the magic, there was nothing to be done. Marian had just enough time to say goodbye and hold Leandra while she passed. Then Marian just sat there until she could become Hawke again. Aveline was there and wanted Varric, Merrill and me to take her back home but Hawke said she wouldn't trust anyone but me with her mother. Would I see to her? Would I carry her myself to the funeral home? It broke something in me to do it but I can only imagine what it broke in Marian to have to ask me, to admit she wasn't able to do this alone." He sighed. "Varric and Merrill took her home hours ago. Aveline couldn't let me move the body until her preliminary investigation was complete. I have no idea what to do now. Do you?"

Faith nudged his chin with her nose until he looked up, then pointed with it at Marian's window. Still lit at this late hour. She looked back at him again.

Fenris held her tighter. "I understand. I need a bath before I go. I don't want to smell like this anymore. Marian shouldn't smell this on me." He squeezed her painfully close for one moment, then let her go and stood. The bath was as fast as any he'd ever taken, including the ones taken in creeks and rivers while he was on the run. He couldn't scrub fast enough, or hard enough. Fenris rubbed soap through his hair until he was beginning to pull out strands by the handful and made himself stop, recognizing the signs of post trauma panic. Rather than go over there in his filthy armor that she had repaired so well or even one of the outfits she had made him and which would be treasured even more now, he elected to wear one of the woven tunic and pants sets he'd brought with him to Kirkwall. Better to be raggedy than a painful reminder. All sixteen dogs were waiting by the door when he reached it.

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He slid into the room as quietly as he was able. She didn't appear to hear him. Maybe the drink in her hand was responsible. Her hair was wet, too, but she didn't appear to have let go and cried. "I don't know what to say, but I am here."

She sighed and patted the spot on the bed next to her. "Say anything."

He sat next to her. "To be honest, I've never seen much point in filling these moments with empty conversation. But I did bring someone with me who wanted to say something. Faith." He didn't even have to raise his voice for her to hear the cue.

Faith pushed the door open and stepped through. Fifteen puppies walked through behind her, spaced perfectly apart. They stopped a few feet in front of Marian and formed three perfect military rows of five. (Fenris had no idea how she'd taught them to do that while he was achieving the speed record for bathing.) Grunt came through the door last and shut it behind him. Each of the adults stood to one side of the puppy brigade and as one they all sat. Faith began, Grunt picked it up and each puppy performed its first awkward, mournful howl in memory of Leandra and as condolence to Marian. They held their formation until Marian set her drink on the bedside table, slid to the floor and burst into tears. Then they went to her as they could to be cuddled, lick her tears away and be set down for the sibling waiting it's turn. They were as subdued as Fenris had ever seen them. Faith and Grunt were hugged to her simultaneously, Marian's face buried in each of their necks for several minutes.

When she let go of them, Marian reached up to take Fenris's hand and have him join her on the floor. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she leaned into his chest and cried harder while fifteen puppies tried to figure out how to lie in their laps at one time.

Marian's voice was thick with tears and hard to understand when she began to talk. "I've lost everyone, Fenris. Everyone. I promised the father I couldn't save because I wasn't a good healer that I would take care of the family. Bethany died leaving Lothering. Carver because I let him come with us to the Deep Roads. And now Mother because I didn't believe Emeric enough to warn the women of Hightown about the white lilies. Or at least my own Mother. We save strangers every single day. Why couldn't we save her?" And she buried her face in his neck and cried again.

He leaned his head over on top of hers and let his tears run again, too. "I don't know, Marian. I would give anything to have been able to save her for you, trade places with her for you, but I don't understand either. We barely knew each other until I brought Faith home but since then she'd become a dear friend, like the mother I never knew. Maybe it's as simple as Carver and Bethany were fighting the way you told me they always did and your father needed her there."

Marian managed a watery chuckle. "You're probably right." She took a deep breath and sat quietly for a moment. "Fenris. The puppies. They're family now. I don't want to lose any more friends, any more family. Let's keep them."

He was startled. "This is a surprise. And a lot of work and expense."

"I can afford it. I've been thinking about it for a few weeks, the fun we've had with them. We're going to need that around here for a long time. And I don't think it will come from anywhere else, either. Plus, look how amazing they were tonight. They'll work as a fantastic unit when they grow up. What do you think?"

"If you're sure that's what you want then let's see what Faith thinks; she has to keep raising them." Faith grabbed his 'yes' hand in her mouth and licked it and licked it. She, too, had lost much in her short life and wanted to lose no more.

Marian and Fenris smiled at each other. "Guess she wants to keep them, too," he said.

They looked at the puppies fondly for a moment, Fenris a bit nervous about the thought of that many dogs to take care of in one house no matter how large. The neighborhood would have a fit, he'd have to spend half his time in the country or find somewhere to live out there.

Then Marian's face fell. "Fenris. Do you think... do you think maybe after the f... funeral, that we could take all the dogs and go on a camping trip? Be away for as long as we can manage? I wouldn't pressure you for more than the friendship we've been having. I just. I don't think I can be here right now."

Fenris pulled him to her in a hug. "If that's what you want then that's what we'll do. They are nothing if not distracting."

When he let her out of the hug, she noticed that the sleeve on his right arm had ridden up. "Hey. You've got fresh raw patches on your arm." She looked up at him closely. "And on your face, neck and chest."

Fenris released her hand and gently touched her arm, neck and forehead. "So do you."

She sighed. "Yes. I understand. Will you stay? Both of us on the floor, with all the dogs?"

"Of course. Though may I recommend pillows and the sheet only? The dogs put off heat better than a fireplace."

She smiled, though it was, of course, still sad. "So do you. I'm cold natured, I like it."

He finally allowed himself to cup her cheek and wipe her remaining tears. "I'm sure I speak for all of us canines when I say that it is our pleasure to radiate our body heat for you tonight, My Lady."

"Thank you, My Champion."

Grunt jumped on the bed and tossed the pillows down. Hawke and Fenris slid until they were lying down instead of sitting. He allowed himself to hold her to him, knowing she needed the comfort tonight as much as he simply craved being near her. Trusting that Faith and Grunt would see to the door and puppies needing to go out, they relaxed as the warm little bodies pressed up against them. Some of the more brazen ones climbed onto Fenris and Marian to sleep on top of them, which elicited laughter.

Quite warm and comfortable, Marian fell asleep quickly which was a surprise to Fenris, who soon followed. Which surprised him even more.


End file.
